AIBU to dislike the whole PFB syndrome espoused on mumsnet?

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It pops up again and again and I think it is a load of old codswallop. It irks me.

Is only your PFB precious?

Is it used as some kind of badge of honour for those who have more than one baby? Oh - she is being PFB?

I love the PFB syndrome idea and I'm on my PFB so probably everything I'm doing with DD is PFB. I can so relate to it.
And I love 'confessions of your PFB moments' ...especially the stairgate for the single step!

SOrry PFB exists in rl and on MN. We all recognise it because most of us have been there.

Yes, my friend has 4 kids, if you listened to her talk and did not know, you would think she had only one.

Eldest boy gets 90% of her brain space and attention.

Youngest girl: 1% of the attention I'd say.

Ho hum.

I am definitely pfb about DS. He's 14 months old and has never had chocolate or juice and I only left him with a babysitter for the first time last week.

But I understand that this is unlikely to be repeated for subsequent children.

I suspect (if and when they come along) I'll be soaking DC2's dummy in fruit shoot if it gives me two minutes peace.

Like previous posters have said I tend to think of PFB as being more about the parent than the child.

Certainly with DS there was so much more fussing, stressing, consulting the baby books for everything whereas when DD came along I had 2 children to look after so could not be so intense crazy

Definately not said with any malice tho - more we've all been there.

I think that we have all been there, I certainly had a PFB.
It doesn't mean that he is more special or that I love him more-I had just chilled out and relaxed with the others-I didn't phone friends and say 'we can't come yet, he is still asleep' or sterilise his dish and spoon when he was picking up goodness knows what from the floor and putting it in his mouth! I think he suffered by being PFB. I was my mother's PFB and I think that my brothers had a much easier time.

Its not a term I ever use, but a first born is special (imo).

I have a single child and I know that every developmental phase will be a unique experience for me, never to be repeated. I suppose that encourages a certain intensity and the need to be 'perfect' first time round, as there is no learning from experience and the opportunity to do it again.

I used to replace the organic cot mattress every time my baby was sick on it - I was terrified of SIDS. He had reflux! I would only let him wear organic cotton clothes in the early months. No baby clinics for me either, the weighing and measuring was done by a consultant paediatrian whose advice I trusted above that of the HV's.

Well the baby has made it to toddlerhood, so I am a bit more relaxed these days. I no longer throw away mattresses, our choice of clothing has widened, but the cons paed stays.

Just picking up on Migsie's post... I do think that is sad... if a parent actually DOES favour one child over another in such a dramatic way.

I also agree with the poster who said it's far more about the parent than the child.

I was still sterilising everything for DS until the day I saw him eating mud... And I STILL boil all the water both he and DD (10 MOnths) drink - even though I caught DD chewing a dried leaf yesterday!!!

And, like aribicabean, both of mine still see a (WONDERFUL WONDERFUL) cons. paed who I trust to oversee my children's development

I would def. rate myself as PFB.. a bit overprecious at times, can (quite happily) talk about babies / children all day, can discuss the contents of nappies over dinner (this, i believe, is a special trait of PFBs!)

I also would say I was MORE PFB with DS than with DD - in that, when I had him, my life changed immeasurably. I gave up a career, became a mum. When I had DD.. it was lovely, it completed our family, but I was prepared for the emotions, the hormones etc.,

I absolutely do not agree that being PFB means I love the PFB more than the NSB (that would be neglected second born! )

I adore both of my children.. but my experiences with them - and my ability to cope with those experiences - have been very different which means the way I've coped with DD has been different to DS.

Well luckily I hadn't heard of pfb syndrome til after I'd had my second, so by then I was able to chortle away ha ha ha.

I know I rang my friend with some ridiculous questions when I had my dc1..

My first daughter died aged one month so when DS1 arrived he was definitely my PFB, he was the light of my life.

We have since had DS2 and DD2 and they are special too (PSB / PTB?!) - it doesn't mean we love them any less but as others have said it's probably us who are a bit less precious!

Pirateprincess - I am so sorry about your DD1.

Thank you Harimo. Count my blessings that we have 3 healthy DC's now. xx

I thought it referred to how most of us behave when we are brand new parents. I was very strict about DD's routine, got wound up about sterilising, practically fainted if anyone wanted to give her a biscuit etc.

We all learn from experience what is important and what isnt a big deal.

I didnt think PFB meant the first was loved more or only children were spoilt.

Sorry about your DD pirate

pfb ~ it does exist as that totally ott devotion,finickiness of unshared parental love...and refusal to listen to reason

I had a cat net for the pram and wasn't even all that embarassed when the midwife asked if we had a cat[we didn't obviously,but who can be sure about neighbouring cats??]

I do agree with th OP though in that some posters here like to use it as a put down...after all it is a positive thing meaning there is a very devoted parent doing their utmost for their baby, a little amusing at times but we have all done it as part of our initial anxiety about the baby's welfare

and my pfb is still very precious at 20 yrs[thankfully I am not so precious though]

pirate...so sorry about your dd I didn't see your post before I postedx

and my pfb is still very precious at 20 yrs[thankfully I am not so precious though]

pirate...so sorry about your dd I didn't see your post before I postedx

Reminds me of a little tale someone once told me.

When your first child cuts his finger, you call an ambulance and rush him to the hospital.

When your second child cuts his finger, you kiss it better and put a plaster on it.

When your third child cuts his finger, you shout at him for dripping blood on the carpet.

Lovely!

I'm wondering where my DH and our DC's fit into this...My 3rd DS is his 1st as I have 2 from a previous marriage and 1 with him. They all live with us and we love them all the same. I am the one with all the anxieties, despite it being my 3rd, and he is the clam and reasonable one. So that messes up all the theories...!!

Oops that should have read calm not clam!! Baby brain from having my Precious Third Baby

Oblomov I think it depends how you interperet it and indeed how you see it being used in the threads you visit. Bear in mind I haven't been on Mumsnet very long (a few months if that) and I have seen in being used in the way I described on several occasions. There was a thread about squash and aspartame where the OP was accused of being PFB when really she just hated aspartame, as do many parents, I dont think it had much to do with the fact that she only had one child. There was another example regarding TV where the OP didn't even have one - it was somehow implied that she would go and buy one simply because she was pregnant with her 2nd.

There are almost defintely countless examples that give a much different context and interpretation but I suppose the former sticks in my mind.

Regardless, it is still a little patronising. Just because people have been there themselves and understand doesn't make it less irritating to those on the receiving end - its like the "you have all this ahead of you" sentiment - its different for everyone.

I definitely suffered from PFB when my eldest was a baby. By the time DC2+3 came along I had given up learnt to trust my instincts.

It doesn't mean that DC1 is any more "precious" than the other two, just that I worried more.

I quite like it when it's self-depreciating, as it's a good short-cut to the kind of slightly panicy behaviour/refusal to see the bad in our own PFBs that most of us have probably all done at some time or other. It hacks me off when it's used as a put-down, because it often just means that the poster doesn't agree with the particular line another MNer is taking. I might be accused of being over-anxious because I, to take a previous example, really do hate sweeteners and don't give a monkey's if DD1 feels hard done by because she's not allowed squash. She is, however, allowed most other stuff in moderation, on the basis that that which is banned becomes a child's obsession. And she and DD2 (not old enough for squash anyway) are generally up to their elbows in mud, dressed in whatever fell on their heads in the morning, and absolutely not wrapped in cotton wool. So who's to judge what decisions we make are as a result of PFB syndrome (perfect or precious, you decide) and what's protecting your kid's health/your own priniciples/whatever?