To ask DH to not open my post

[Threelittlemoomins]

Have had two letters in the last couple of days that DH has opened. He works from home and I'm often out when the post comes.

They're nothing personal, the first was a letter confirming my maternity allowance and the 2nd was a refund for a tax disc from the DVLA.

I don't think he would have opened them if it hadn't been obvious who they're from but I still felt a bit funny about it. I asked him not to open any more of
my post and he joked about me having an affair with someone from the DVLA - am I being really petty to ask him to keep his hands off anything addressed to me???

Not at all!

Depends entirely on your relationship so very difficult to judge - I open Dh's and he opens mine and I would never consider it an issue (maybe our post is just incredibly dull), but if it bothers you then fair enough. We all have our individual privacy settings!

YANBU ...I would never open dps post .he would never open mine

agree with whitelies

dp and I open each others post and it (obviously) doesn't bother either of us

but if it does bother you then you are well within your rights to ask him to stop

DH never opens my post, sometimes he will ask me to open his if he calls and there is some. I open his sometimes but always tell him and it is never a problem.

I don't open DH's mail and he doesn't open mine. There are some things that you should be able to do independently of each other in life and one of these things is opening mail addressed to yourself. Just because you are married doesn't mean you have to do everything together!

YANBU - I still find opening the post irrationally exciting. I only open DPs bank statements - and I do so out of principle because it was originally MY account but when we changed it to a joint account it comes addressed to him.

To put it in context in 12 years together we've never opened each other's post without asking.

That doesn't mean I haven't phoned him when an interesting looking letter/parcel has arrived With his name on it and hinted heavily until he gives me permission!

Not in the slightest. I would have flipped a tit! Unless it was something addressed to both of you he had no right to open it. I'd feel very invaded if DP did that to me.

lal me too and both contained news of money so would have been doubly exciting to open!

I NEVER open my DH's post unless he specifically asks me to, and vice versa. Some people aren't like that, fortunately my DH and I are on the same wavelength.

We don't have joint bank accounts either!

YANBU, I wouldn't open anyone's post, even my kids without asking. Mail is private, being married doesn't mean you never have any privacy ever again.
We do have joint bank accounts.
To me opening someone's mail is a sign you are incredibly impatient, nosy or untrusting and probably all three. Not a sign of a nice person.

I open my DHs mail and don't think twice about it. I would have no objection to him opening mine. What if something important arrives that needs dealing with asap and the person to whom the letter is addressed is out all day? That said, if you are uncomfortable about it then yes, you are within your rights to ask your DH not to open it but I do think you are being a bit U, given that these were clearly not personal letters. Call me a suspicious old cow, but if my Dh suddenly asked me not to open his post, I would assume he had something to hide!

I too would be fuming if my DH opened my mail. Something which was ingrained into me as a child and DH respects this. On very rare occasions he has asked me if I could open something but I would never open his either.

So in answer to your question, no YANBU!

It's called having the right to open your own mail - doesn't mean that one partner is hiding something from the other, fgs! There doesn't have to be anything suspicious in it.

I may be a little suprised but I have nothing to hide and I tell my DP everything so it wouldnt bother me if he opened my mail.
I've never opened his, not sure how he'd react if I did, doubt he'd be bothered.
Not sure what the fuss is about, if you're with someone for life surely the whole "his" and "hers" thing fades?

But I guess it's down to personal preference.

What is so important that it can't wait until the person gets home from work? If something is urgent you phone or email.
If my husband or I were away we would discuss mail and usually OK the other to open it. If my husband was the sort of person to have a tantrum because I wanted to open my own mail I wouldn't have married him. That's just extreme nosiness and control freakery.
If it doesn't have my name on it it's not for me and is none of my business.

It's actually a crime to open someone else's mail, even if they are your spouse/partner or even your child (there's a certain - quite young - age at which it becomes illegal). It's a matter of respect - if you've both agreed that you can open each other's mail, then that's cool (isn't illegal then), but it's v cheeky to open another adult's mail, even if it looks and is v mundane.

YANBU. He is your dh, not your secretary.
It's actually illegal to open someone else's post (sorry, used to work for PO) and unless you expressly asked him to, it's extremely rude imo.
Only time we open anything not ours is if we are expecting something specific e.g ebay stuff for the house or catalogue bits. Would never open each others letters.

Never said the OP doesn't have the right to open her own mail. I just don't think it is a big deal that her DH did it, esp as the post wasn't personal.

"he joked about me having an affair with someone from the DVLA" - I suspect there are deeper issues here. That's not really your bog standard joke, now, is it? Is the bottom line that he's a controlling type?

And YANBU.

YABU, why on earth would you be worried about your DH opening your post. Do you have something to hide?

DH is very lovely and there are no control issues - honest. I was surprised it bothered me at all and wondered what others thought.

I guess the replies just show how differently all of our relationships are. I wouldn't share a facebook/e-mail account with DH and guess have always viewed my post as mine to open in much the same way. Not because I have anything to hide.