to think that the reasons for my elective c-section are private?

[withorwithoutyou]

I want genuine opinions so risking AIBU but please don't see this as an excuse to shout at me as I'm really only wondering!!!

I'm having an elective c-section next month. I won't go into the reasons why, except to say that I have given birth vaginally before very badly!

Anyway, it seems that everybody who knows about my section wants to know why I'm having one. It seems to me that that's a pretty nosey question to ask - the answer is pretty private to me, involving things going on in my body, to my genitals etc etc.

I don't tell everyone I meet I'm having a c-s, but for example my Mum has told my Auntie and now all the women in the family are phoning me to ask why. One even wanted to know if I had any damage from my previous birth. Um, isn't that my private business??

It's starting to really get me down because the only reason I can think they're asking is because they want to decide for themselves whether I'm having one for reasons which they sound acceptable. But I accept I'm probably being over sensitive, I just don't want to talk about my gynaecological history with people and think it's rude they're asking.

What do you think?

YANBU. I had an ELCS a couple of months ago. I got really fed up with feeling like I had to justify myself to everyone. It is very personal and nobody's business. Wish I had been ready with some of these sharp replies.

You are right - the reasons are private. I think you are entirely within your rights to say that it is for personal reasons. I also think you are right that people enjoy putting their judgy pants on.

But why do you tell people who you don't know very well that you are having an elcs? Who are all these people who know about your birth plans?

Bibbity was that to me? Can't tell. But I don't/haven't tell/told people I don't know very well.

I told everyone I was too posh to push. Nobody wants to know about placenta previa!

yanbu at all. 'Personal reasons' should be enough to shut them up.

But really dislike all the 'too posh to push' comments (and the pissypants one) as surely they just fuel the judging further?!

How incredibly rude! I HATE that people who usually don't even bother to say "Hi" when you walk in the room or ever ask you how you are doing will say "vagina" and "discharge" and other such words when you are pregnant and then want to discuss in great detail what you are having done at your antenatal appts, what exactly happens to you during the birth, how many stitches you needed etc. F*ck KNOWS how many people knew the day I went in for a sweep since MIL seemed to have the staff at her work hanging on her every word wrt my pregnancy issues!

Totally use the quotes on here to tell them to mind their own cos I agree there are lots of people who are just right nosey.

for you!

YANBU

Sorry Bibbity's comment was obviously to me.

The reason why the Waitrose checkout lady knew, is because she has been lovely to me throughout this pregnancy, especially when I nearly fainted at her till, and she rushed off to get me a drink and something to eat, and then sat looking after my dds, whilst I recovered.

On this occasion she had asked how many weeks I had left, and I had absentmindedly said that I had a c-section booked for bla bla - I probably shouldn't have done that, but wasn't really expecting her to ask for details of why, and all the follow up details of her own and families births!

Quite apart from that, I don't really have any experience of the stigma involved with elcs, so it isn't something that I would necessarily think I should keep under wraps, just in case people start judging me.

Can't help you OP - but YANBU. I took the contrary approach similar to LovetheSea - key words;

previous baby got stuck
ripped wall between my fanjo and my arse
internal stitches
anal leakage
no sex for 6 months

I offered to show the stitches to anyone still standing at that point.

Maybe also a generation thing though - my mum thinks nothing of discussing intimate details with anyone she meets at the bus stop, whereas I value my privacy a little more.

The other day she gave me a stack of her magazines to read, and I swear to God the telly page was hilarious - every programme she'd ringed was either childrens emergency/holby city/emergency ward/real life emergency/animal emergency or some such crap.

My MIL is as bad - had to make DH swear to promise NOT to tell her I'd torn through my clitoris giving birth otherwise it would have been broadcast far and wide.

Hazeyjane I agree with you. Sometimes it just comes up. There have been conversations at toddler group where I've felt like I'm trying to cover some dirty little secret if I don't mention it:

e.g. "how long have you got left"

"two weeks, don't feel prepared at all"

"oh, it's easier second time round, your body knows what it's doing"

There are a couple of other mothers at toddlers who had similar first births to me who know I'm having an ELCS and I don't feel like I want to stand there pretending I'm having a natural birth. I don't feel like it's a dirty little secret that has to be covered up, if that makes sense.

I just told people I had absolutely no interest in giving birth naturally. Most people just went quiet at that point...

Whitelies, ouch!!! How awful for you!

I agree it may be a generational thing.

I remember when SIL got pregnant a few years ago which took people by surprise. DH's Dad was telling him on the phone how xxx had been on the implant and hadn't had a period for 6 years. Wtf did FIL know those kind of details about his son's g/f and why on earth was he sharing them with other people?!

OP YANBU.

People still ask me now why I had DS by CS. He was an EMCS and my first so did have the whole 'disappointment' of not having a natural birth.

Got asked the other day if I would have a CS with my next (I am single BTW ) and I said 'don't know, will wait and see if I have another' What the person meant was why did you have a CS and I when they aksed I said '.....' which was the truth!!! Conversation was swiftly moved on.