to think that the reasons for my elective c-section are private?

[withorwithoutyou]

I want genuine opinions so risking AIBU but please don't see this as an excuse to shout at me as I'm really only wondering!!!

I'm having an elective c-section next month. I won't go into the reasons why, except to say that I have given birth vaginally before very badly!

Anyway, it seems that everybody who knows about my section wants to know why I'm having one. It seems to me that that's a pretty nosey question to ask - the answer is pretty private to me, involving things going on in my body, to my genitals etc etc.

I don't tell everyone I meet I'm having a c-s, but for example my Mum has told my Auntie and now all the women in the family are phoning me to ask why. One even wanted to know if I had any damage from my previous birth. Um, isn't that my private business??

It's starting to really get me down because the only reason I can think they're asking is because they want to decide for themselves whether I'm having one for reasons which they sound acceptable. But I accept I'm probably being over sensitive, I just don't want to talk about my gynaecological history with people and think it's rude they're asking.

What do you think?

I get thoroughly fed up with how the intimate details of childbirth become everyone's business! I had a traumatic labour in April which ended in a crash section this time and I told the people I wanted to tell about exactly what happened. When DH's parents gave us the little newsletter from their church with DD's birth announcement in it there was a bit about thanking people for prayers after the traumatic delivery ... now I KNOW it's lovely that people were thinking of us and they were just being kind and I know it seems ungrateful, but I just feel really uncomfortable with a bunch of people I don't know hearing the private details of my obstetric disaster! I'm afraid I'm cynical and i think people want to know because it's an area of life where it seems generally acceptable to hear private details you wouldn't in other spheres (similar to how people feel it's OK to ask you if you're trying for a baby when you're just married - or like my mum who keeps asking me and DH what we are going to do about contraception now! - well, that's not something that really has any bearing on her, is it?!) The CS thing I think has a similar stigma to the bottle feeding v breast feeding issue - people assume it's because you're lazy/not a 'proper' woman - but then maybe that's my hang up about having had 2 CSS and never experiencing the normal delivery I wanted - another reason why it's personal to ask about these things! - there are so many emotions tied up in what to outsiders can seem like simple matters.

OK rant(s) over.

Sorry, of course, YANBU.

Hi Hazeyjane! Good idea about saying the baby is breech, might try that if any strangers comment.

Zoonose, I would have hated that too.

My other Auntie phoned me up and said I didn't want a c-s unless I absolutely had to have one - after all I'd have stitches. The poor love obviously has no idea what my forceps delivery involved! Didn't particularly want to discuss it with her though.

I would tell them that last time you were sewn up that tight there is no way another baby is coming out of there and to be honest your surprised your dh/p managed to impregnate you at all. I would go into graphic detail lol they would never ask any personal question ever again.

starshaker

I had to have my cervix stitched and 3 months later, at a family wedding, I met my DH's Uncle (a GP) for the very first time, and he told me all about MY cervix (god know who thought they should share this info...probabl loudmouth MIL!)! Very disconcerting! He even asked how long it took to stitch and was I sure they had removed it all??!!! My cervix ladies and gents, that's INSIDE my vagina??!! Would you ever dream of talking (loudly) at a wedding to a stranger about his vasectomy?!!

I have no idea why, but people seem to believe that childbirth is public information, no matter how intimate the details.

yanbu - I've had three sections for various reasons & have also been subjected to this type of intrusive questioning. I've perfected steely stare & 'that's an extremely personal question' - 9/10 times they shut up, if they persist I ignore them & change the subject.

I don't make a habit of discussing my gynae history in [not so] polite society but plenty of people seem to have no boundaries at all (I blame reality TV )

No-one's business but yours.

Good luck.

YRNBU.

I never appreciated until I got pregnant how much people believe your body becomes public property when you?re great with child.

How did it become ok to make judgements about another woman?s gyny history! Why is it ok for people you barely know to touch your belly or make pronouncements about the history of your cervix, or sneer at you when you?ve said you did find out the sex of your unborn child! This has obviously touched a nerve?..

Only you know what you need. Don?t let a bunch of mouldy old hags who haven?t been fertile since the last Ice Age make you feel so bad you don?t enjoy your pregnancy or the birth of your child ? which ever way it happens.

You can't stop them asking. But just say "Doctor's orders" and leave it at that.

Oh, and wanted to add my voice to being surprised at how your body becomes public property after getting pregnant.... for a while it looked like I would be having an elcs as the baby was breech until - about yesterday- and now it will be a vaginal delivery. A neighbour came around yesterday (lovely woman, 70s) and when she asked and I told her the baby had turned tried to convince me for ages (and emphatically) that i ought to insist on a c-section, because otherwise things will be stretched 'down there' and it will not be so good for DH 'afterwards'. Seriously. I was .

Oh, and while I am on the topic, i am fed up with male friends of DH asking me if I intend to breastfeed. Do not want to discuss my breasts with people.

and breathe.

I tell people that it's so we could be 100% sure DD2 would arrive before the end of August thereby saving us a whole extra year of nursery fees.

Love it Shiny.

shiny.

YANBU. Just say "Health reasons" like gobsmacked said. Your birth choices are your own. I would never say too posh to push as my childless cousin quipped that to me two days before my 2nd Csection and I was very offended as I had done a lot of soul searching about whether to have an ELCS after an EMCS (11lb baby). I wish that phrase would die out!

Isn't it wonderful how unqualified people love to decide for you, even though it will be you who actually has to go through it, whichever one you've decided on?

Oh I just took the other approach and drowned them in gory detail from my forceps birth, long recovery and DD's good fortune to be unharmed etc until they ran out of questions [innocent look].

For those who had not had children yet though I was vague and less scarey, lots of mutterings of 'very, very rare complications' and 'very unlucky' etc etc.

YANBU at all to want to be more private and dignified than me though

All you need to say is "doctor's orders". I've had an elective cs, a vaginal delivery and an emergency (crash) cs, and I can guarantee you that each of them has invited unwanted or intrusive comments.

I have to say I don't particularly appreciate jokes about "pissy pants" or whatever the expression was in relation to my vaginal delivery either - is there any chance that as mothers we could all try and be a little kinder to each other about how our children happened to come into the world, or is that hopelessly naive?

Hello lovethesea! Hope things are still going well.

I may try that next time...if my Auntie mentions stitches again I'll give her a cheerful "oh, didn't you know they cut you open with scissors to make more room for the forceps?"

yanbu.... i suggest making ridiculous reasons up..." my fanjo has sealed itsself up" " i did a big turd last time and the mw refuses to deliver vaginally now" " all the pushing made my bum fall off"

YANBU. I had an elcs with my second after a very traumatic birth with my first. My sister in law gave me a lecture on the recovery time of a cs. Ha! She obviously had no idea how long it took me to recover after the 'natural' birth.

Although I know I shouldn't, I do feel like I need to justify having an elcs and it annoys me when people ask but I think some of those feelings derive from how I feel about the delivery of my first if you see what I mean.

You are sooooo NBU. I have had one ELCS and am having another in Sept (first one was great btw) - and frankly my view is it's a matter between me, my DP and the consultant. But yeah, a Beanlet says, a quick "doctor's orders" in a brisk enough way not to inspire further discussion should do the trick.

Oh, and for the record, a vb with intervention can take quite as long as a cs to recover from - so says my consultant. I

Wowzers. No one ever asked me the reason for my elcs. But then I only told family and v close friends (who knew about my previous crash c/s) that I was having one. I would never have told anyone I knew slightly (ie. checkout woman in Waitrose) that I was going to have an elcs. Because I know people get a little bit judgey about them (even when they are pretending not to be).