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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fuming - fraud in families and friends WWYD?

33 replies

SoVeryCross · 17/06/2010 21:22

Have had to namechange for this one. I'm so cross I'm shaking and need a little advice! This may not be the right area for this post but I need some replies.

Right, my mate got his GF pregnant. She used the pregnancy to keep him with her despite him begging her for an abortion (classy guy eh?) and telling her he wasn't ready to be a dad. When the child was just a few months old decided neither of them wanted the child and sent them to my mate's mum to live. Mates mum struggles as it is, with money and now a baby. I know his mum and she's a total love will do anything for anyone, but she's a doormat. They refuse to pay a penny towards their child, see them or do any kind of child care. The poor child knows mummy and daddy don't want them. Mates mum has been claiming child allowance, and has just found she is eligable for a further payment in child tax and working tax. She filled in the forms and was told there was an "anomoly" and had to go for a security check. Turns out that "someone" is already claiming for this child. Yup, it's the birth mother. She and my friend both claimed they weren't recieving any money for the child that lives with my mates mum but it turns out they've been claiming the whole time and never gave his mum a penny.

I'm sickened by my mate (well, mate no longer). How could he do this to his kind hearted mother? They claim they need the money but having seen their lifestyle they really don't. Neither of them work through choice.

Do I a) keep well out and let them sort it out, b) go straight to income fraud and dob them in, or c) give my ex-friend one chance to alter the payments himself and just threaten to go to fraud?

Sorry for being vague, don't want to be outed.

OP posts:
sparklefrog · 17/06/2010 21:44

Surely now an 'anomoly' has been noticed, it will be investigated??

Did your mate's mum confirm to the tax credit dept that she has been looking after the child from x date onwards?

tweetymum · 17/06/2010 21:48

Go to fraud, they sound like a lovely pair (not) and could do with a shock!!

Hope things are sorted for the sake of your mate's mum!

Maylee · 17/06/2010 21:48

I agree with sparklefrog - hopefully the anomaly will be investigated and your friend's mum will receive the payments for which she is entitled.

It sounds like a horrid situation by the way....broke my heart a bit to read that neither of the parents want the baby

booyhoo · 17/06/2010 21:48

get rid of your mate, stay out of their lives. they really dont sound like people who will be made to change their disgusting attitudes by you threatening to tell on them. just be glad they didn't scam any money from you.

FakePlasticTrees · 17/06/2010 21:57

Advise the grandmother to contact social services to make this arrangement official.

SoVeryCross · 17/06/2010 22:06

Booyhoo I don't feel I can stay out. I've known the family all my life, the nan has been like a mum to me on occasion and I really care about her grandson. She knows she can count on me for childcare if needed. I am hoping that benifits will realise what's going on because i'm not sure the mum will rat out her son. I'm haiving real problems with wondring if I should or not.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 17/06/2010 22:11

Definately contact social services and the benefits agency...these two don't deserve anything.

booyhoo · 17/06/2010 22:12

if it was me i would tell benefits about it. if you feel you cant stay out then offer the gran your support but i wouldn't remain friends with the parents. they sound like complete arseholes. cant believe they would do their own baby and his gran out of money. what did they think she was raising him on, fresh air?

toccatanfudge · 17/06/2010 22:16

I would tell benefits. - actually agree totally with booyhoo's last post.

Tell benefits, offer the gran your support and kick your "friend" into touch.

WellMeantHellBent · 17/06/2010 22:25

I think you need to tell tax credits and they can investigate. I knew someone in a similar position and she tried to claim tax credits directly but was told that that could only happen if current claimant told them they no longer had the child, other party cannot do this. Does gran have any proof that child is living with them? Can she make it legal? I am sure she wouldn't want her daughter taking the child back just to get money every month!

DetectivePotato · 18/06/2010 09:31

I would report it. That is disgusting.

My mum left me at my nans who brought me up. She was made my legal guardian. She was going to officially adopt me but my dad didn't want her to as he was hoping to meet someone and settle down so I could go and live with him.

She clamed the benefits that she was entitled to as my guardian. I suggest this 'friends' mum does the same.

GeekOfTheWeek · 18/06/2010 09:41

How disgusting.

Report.

Tell the mum to have everything made official and legal. Foolish not to.

Fuck the parents off altogether. Vile specimens.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 18/06/2010 09:45

Report them.

Drusilla · 18/06/2010 09:47

DEfintely defintely report them. There is no excuse for what they are doing

flootshoot · 18/06/2010 09:51

Yes, I'd avise the grandmother to make the arrangment official. Poor little mite, at least someone's taking care of it.

cupcakesandbunting · 18/06/2010 09:52

Report them. They're not owed any favours after abandoning their child and then using it to claim money.

Altinkum · 18/06/2010 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum · 18/06/2010 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 18/06/2010 09:56

id the benefits office have spotted this - surely they would be asking questions anyway?

if not - i would dob the bastards

weetabixwhiner · 18/06/2010 09:57

These 'lovely' people are bankrupting our country even further, I see it all the time. We work while they shirk. Blood boiling!!!! The child should be taken off them and given to a couple who would cherish him/her.

Altinkum · 18/06/2010 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArseHolio · 18/06/2010 10:01

I het they want the child back now they realise they won't get money without him.

They are scum. People like the don't deserve children.

Mumcentreplus · 18/06/2010 10:03

You dont need to report it really, its already being investigated...once she made a claim for the child...what I dont understand though is the fact the mother is claiming the CTC and not in receipt of Child Benefit?

MiladyDeScorchio · 18/06/2010 10:03

My exH has PR for our dd and hasn't seen her in eight years. Does that mean he can legally claim for her?

gramercy · 18/06/2010 10:03

the whole system is far too lax.

When I filled out the child benefit form, there was a question "is the child you are claiming for living with you?" and then went on to ask other questions.

it should be: "If the child for which you are claiming does not live with you, GET LOST!"

Child benefit etc is to help raise a child, and if you don't have one with you, you are not raising it!

And I firmly believe that you should NOT be able to claim for (often ficticious) children living in other countries.