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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a little annoyed at the school?

36 replies

gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:06

I am trying very hard to see this from their point of view, they have 60 in a year group and my dd will only be one of those

she is due to start school in sept, no one from her nursery is going to the same school and she knows one other child who is going - who she has been friends with since babies. I am close friends with her mum and they get on great. DD finds change hard (she thinks too much about things and becomes worried, probably inherited from me ...)

after easter hols I took in her forms etc to accept the place and at the same time asked if there was anyway we could request that the girls be in the same class since I was concerned dd knows no one else at all and finds settling at new places hard. The secretary assured me that the teachers would consider my request and agreed with me that it would make sense (I realsie it isnt her decision) she wrote down both dd's and her friends name and promised to send along to the teachers.

fast forward to yesterday evening's new parents meeting where we find out they are in opposite classes. I assumed it was not worth making a fuss as they have 2 classes of 30 and so no room to manouvre

but, my friend and her dd were so upset that she rung the school to ask what had happened.

apparently the children are sorted into classes based on info on friendships, provided mainly preschools, nurseries etc. Basically she was told that the girls had been put in sepearte classes on this information.

Neither girl has had a nursery visit whatsoever, we have checked with the nursery my dd attends and the preschool they both go to once a week together. They havent heard anythig from the school let a lone a visit!

AIBU to feel like I am being misled/lied to?

I cant decide whether to say soemthing or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:09

ooops that is very long

OP posts:
minipie · 16/06/2010 20:10

I think you should say something - politely.
If they had said "we think it's best for the kids to make new friends" that would be different and I think you'd just have to accept it.

But since they've specifically said they make an effort to put friends together, but clearly haven't done so in your case, it's fair enough to ask them to do what they say. otherwise they are not following their own policies.

My guess is that they just speak to their main "feeder" nurseries [cynical emoticon]
but it may just be an oversight.

purepurple · 16/06/2010 20:11

YANBU
But you can always phone and ask if your DD can move groups.

activate · 16/06/2010 20:12

well you can ask if they could put htem in the same class but after a few weeks it will make no difference as they'll each make more friends and most reception classes IME are quite fluid and do a lot together

could be an admin error after all

FabIsGettingFit · 16/06/2010 20:13

There is usually space on the form for you to put the nursery your child has been at.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:14

i think what I am most annoyed about is that I feel they are saying they have takent he time to find out about our children when they quiet simpyl havent.

about 15 of their intake comes from the preschool the girls attend together (although dd is only there 2 hrs a week and started a short time ago) and I know for a fact they havent contacted them - so why lie and say they have?

OP posts:
Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:15

i know there is space fab - i wrote the info for both her day nursery and for the preschool

they are fully aware of this info

OP posts:
FabIsGettingFit · 16/06/2010 20:16

When have they said they have found out about your child?

Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:18

my firend was told on the phone today and all the children had been visited at their preschools/nurseries and that they had placed children in their classes based on that information.

I took that to mean they were saying they had found out about each child.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 16/06/2010 20:23

By all means contact the school and ask for a meeting to discuss it. However, you need to remember that sorting out 60 kids is not all that simple, and they really can't accommodate everyone's whims and wishes about friendships and so on. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh.

On a more positive note, the school will be a new environment for all the children, really, and children that age do tend to make friendships quite easily. If your DD and this other little girl are as close as you say, then they will happily seek each other out at playtime, and it will probably be good for them both to be in the situation where they can make whichever new friends they choose in their own classrooms.

Try not to worry about it.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:25

no not harsh at all, and as I said I am not asking if I am being unreasonable about them not being in the same class ...

I am annoyed (and more so the more i think about it) about the fact they seem to be telling me things which are not true.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 16/06/2010 20:27

Yes, that would annoy me too. It's not on to claim that they're getting to know the children if they're not. My DTDs are starting in September too, and we had a letter asking where they go for pre-school/nursery as the reception class teachers like to visit ALL children in their current setting. So far, as far as I'm aware, that hasn't happened. Obviously they have a few weeks yet, and it's possible that they've been on a day that the DTDs don't go (though they did ask for when as well as where), but if it doesn't happen at all, I shall be annoyed.

julybutterfly · 16/06/2010 20:28

But if no other children from your DD's nursery are going to that school there wouldn't have been need to visit the nursery is there. Her friendship groups at nursery wouldn't have mattered in this case.

It sounds like the lady you gave the information to either didn't pass it on or it was overlooked.

She will make new friends but I do understand why you're upset about it.

julybutterfly · 16/06/2010 20:29

And I doubt they actually visited the nurseries. They would have probably got the friendship information from nursery leaders. Again, as your DD was the only one going to that school she wouldn't have had any friends listed.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:31

I am a primary teacher myself so I completely understand what it is like to be doing their job.

I think thats why I am umming and erring about saying anything just concerned that this is the first of many things.

And I know all about parents whims and wishes too and I am sure she will be fine - me and dh both think it will do her good to have to make new friends, as well as her other friend. This has just got my back up because i would be pulled up bloody quick if I did something like this as school.

OP posts:
Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:33

she does go to a preschool which a lot of the other new entrants also attend (but she is only there for 2 hrs a week)

neiher nursery pr preschool has recieved a visit or a phone call about any of the children - I checked.

OP posts:
Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 20:36

and the purpose of isiting the nurseries is to both speak about friendship groups and to observe each child in their setting - this is guidelines as set down in the early years curriculum.

So, yes they should be at least contacting both settings, even if they dont visit.

anyway, she will be fine I'm sure. It's just very hard being on the other side of things and not being treated as I would treat parents at my school, ah well ... life goes on. Will have a bit of chocolate and nice cup of tea.

OP posts:
thebird · 16/06/2010 21:07

I would try not to worry about it(hard I know) The first day at school is daunting for all the children whether they are with friends are not. TBH you are probably more nervous than she is - I know i was! All the children are in the same boat and teachers do their best to settle them in and make sure they make friends.

In DD1s school they were split in to groups within the reception class and i think this is common in primary. She didn't get to sit with friends from nursery and just saw them at breaktime. Although this was hard for the first week or so she then came home every other day with a new best friend and now in Y1 she has a great bunch of pals

mumbar · 16/06/2010 21:18

TBH it sounds like an honest oversight. Your DD attends the pre-school only 2 hrs a week but her, friends dd and 15 others will all have x pre-school on the form but not when they attend and who with, how many hours etc. School prob just has a list of pre-schoolers from preschool x who are starting in september IYSWIM.

YANBU to meet with head and discuss your concerns though - better than discussing it with admin as they are very limited to what they can say and don't actually have any more involvement than typing the final lists.

Best of luck.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 21:39

hmmm maybe I should phone and speak to the head - I am no good at challenging people though.

But what she says has happened is simply not true - that leaves a bad taste.

OP posts:
Original poster
gingernutlover · 16/06/2010 21:43

not sure what going in a complaining would actually achieve - might just annoy the head.

they arent going to switch children around I'm sure and I wouldnt expect them to - that isnt the issue here anyway, as I have said several times.

OP posts:
mumbar · 16/06/2010 21:54

I agree that if you don't feel you can trust the school it is going to cause problems at some point. Perhaps speaking to the head may help as even tho things probably won't change you deserve the truth.

FabIsGettingFit · 17/06/2010 13:13

I don't think you shoudl challenge or complain.

when you were told that all children had been visited in their nursery setting the person who told you could have believed that to be true. She isn't to know your daughter only goes for 2 hours a week.

On a side issue, 2 hours is a very short time and I am interested what the benefit to your child is and think school at 5 days for a longer period of time will be a huge shock to her.

redskyatnight · 17/06/2010 13:19
  1. The person you talked to at nursery may have been unaware of a visit/phone call. Or may simply have forgotten if it was a while ago.
  1. If your DD only attends for a couple of hours a week the nursery might not know that she is best buddies with this other girl anyway
  1. Probably your original chat with the secretary didn't get passed on (or got overlooked).

All of which is disappointing but as PPs have said your DD will make friends quickly (DS only knew 2 other children when he started school and NEITHER were particular friends).
It is really not making a big fuss or assuming somethign sinister is going on.

Also - how much do the 2 Reception classes mix? AT DS's school the classes spend about 80% of their time together so it was almost immaterial which class you were in.

emptyshell · 17/06/2010 13:23

If it's a reception UNIT anyway then they'll be in their "classes" for about 20 minutes max at a go and then just in the unit as a whole anyway.

Perhaps the nursery have suggested they might need to be separated slightly to allow them to make wider friendships if they're TOO close to each other? You don't know - worst comes to the worst and you're at a school that still have "playtimes" in reception, rather than freeflow outside - they'll be apart for an hour or an hour-15 at a time and then out on the same playground anyway, and if it's a unit with open access shared between the two classes - it'll be much less than that and they'll basically be on different carpets for input times only.

It's not the massive issue you're making it out to be and it might be beneficial in terms of her getting a wider group of friends rather than just clinging to one.

If you're going to spend the summer fretting over it and building it up into a massive thing - it will become this.

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