to feel a little annoyed at the school?

[gingernutlover]

I am trying very hard to see this from their point of view, they have 60 in a year group and my dd will only be one of those

she is due to start school in sept, no one from her nursery is going to the same school and she knows one other child who is going - who she has been friends with since babies. I am close friends with her mum and they get on great. DD finds change hard (she thinks too much about things and becomes worried, probably inherited from me ...)

after easter hols I took in her forms etc to accept the place and at the same time asked if there was anyway we could request that the girls be in the same class since I was concerned dd knows no one else at all and finds settling at new places hard. The secretary assured me that the teachers would consider my request and agreed with me that it would make sense (I realsie it isnt her decision) she wrote down both dd's and her friends name and promised to send along to the teachers.

fast forward to yesterday evening's new parents meeting where we find out they are in opposite classes. I assumed it was not worth making a fuss as they have 2 classes of 30 and so no room to manouvre

but, my friend and her dd were so upset that she rung the school to ask what had happened.

apparently the children are sorted into classes based on info on friendships, provided mainly preschools, nurseries etc. Basically she was told that the girls had been put in sepearte classes on this information.

Neither girl has had a nursery visit whatsoever, we have checked with the nursery my dd attends and the preschool they both go to once a week together. They havent heard anythig from the school let a lone a visit!

AIBU to feel like I am being misled/lied to?

I cant decide whether to say soemthing or not.

I have to smile at this. It is quite a serious issue for you obviously and I understand your concerns. IMHO you need to accept whats happened and move on. This is how schools operate. It's not a business and its not run like a business, you cant go in and complain and ask for some recompense everytime theres some little hiccup. School can be a bit slap dash and disorganised sometimes. I'm saying this to try and prevent you from further disappointment. Wait til you get to secondary school - organisation is much worse! BTW you DD will have 7 or 8 good new friends within a couple of days. Good luck.

Maybe you could ring up and have the same conversation your friend did to the point where they tell you that they spoke to your preschool about your dd.

Then ask what exactly they told you about your dd and friend at the preschool because they are best friends there, and if the school policy is to keep preschool friends together, you are worried there are maybe issues at preschool that you are not being told about.

When they start to bibble about talking to people you can ask who exactly they spoke to because you have now had a chance to speak to the preschool because when you spoke to them they didn't think they had spoken to anyone from the school.

At that point I guess you can take the conversation where you want - and at least let them own up (or admit they have been lying so you can make a formal complaint). But it is going to be tricky to get much done as you say because if they move your dd then they probably need to move somebody else in other direction. But maybe if somebody drops out between now and term starting they would be able to shift one child to the other class, might be a chance if there are 60 in the year that somebody needs to move.

But at least you can get them to realise that, whilst everybody else has got someone, your dd and her friend have been split up and so will need extra attention or help etc

FWIW - my ds started school this year and didn't know anyone. He's also pretty shy. It's taken a while but he does now have some friends and loves going to school.

I'd be cross. But I would smile sweetly and suggest there has been an oversight and wouldn't it be lovely if it could be rectified? Backed up by letters from both you and the other mother and a supporting letter from the nursery. Bomb them with love and don't give in. And don't say they're lying arses.

right - I give up. I wish some of you would read what I have written.

Empty shell - I dont mind them being split up (although it would have been nice for them to be together it is not the end of the world) it may make the first few weeks a little more difficult (as she is also starting with a new childminder at the same time ) but beyond that it will be fine, I know!

I know exactly how a reception class works so I realise it isnt a massive issue as they will do child initiated play in a freeflow unit.

What I am slightly annoyed (again, in the thread title ...) about is that the school have misled me several times and this makes me feel uneasy.

fab She goes to 2 nurseries, one is a day care for 3 full days a week while I work. The other is the preschool for 2 hours a week (on a day when I dont work) where she goes because her best friend goes there and her mum works full time so it is a lovely opportunity for the 2 girls to get to play together every week. I personally feel that is a benefit to her.

I am sure, 100% percent that the school has not contacted either the day nursery or the preschool. I don't like being lied to. THAT is what I am annoyed about. The person who said it would have known it wasnt true - for definate.

I think you should accept it unless you suspect it is an admin error in which case perhaps you should question it if you feel that strongly. Bear in mind, though, that your child is only one of 60 and that if every parent questioned the school's organisation, this would be a complete nightmare for the school. Your child will make new friends and move on.

I agree with Hully - bring it up, smile sweetly and don't get too upset when it doesn't work.
A previous posted said it was unlikely that the teachers had actually visited the preschools. Whilst obviously I don't know what the teachers in your school did, I wanted to point out that teachers (well, me at least) do go and visit pre-schools if invited to do so by the pre-school and if there are a few children going. I do the visits in my lunchtime/PPA time so I would not travel a great distance to visit a nursery to see only one child.
OP did the teacher say specifically to you that your child's class was allocated on this basis? Or just that in general that is how it is done? It does sound as if your request got lost in the system and there's some track-covering going on.

Hope you get it sorted to your satisfaction in the end.

OP, I know you're getting annoyed that people are misinterpreting your point, and that everyone seems to think that you're upset that your DD is going to be separate from each other. So I just went back and re-read your OP. It does very much come across as being cross that the two girls are split up - the majority of your post deals with that. The bit about the school visiting (or not) the nursery setting takes up far less.

okay thats fair enough - and proof I guess that some people only read the first post too

i thought I was just providing background info but it seems that that has made people jump to conclusions, my mistake.

Anyway, all is fine really, like I said I am slightly annoyed - not planning to go and kick up a fuss now, just felt like having a bit of a rant and where better than mumsnet?

I should really know better to post on AIBU and expect people not to find a reason to have a go LOL.

FWIW, ginger I only read the OP and it was fairly clear to me that it was the school not doing what they'd said they did, rather than the splitting up, that you were cross about... as my reply shows.

but hey we can't all be so discerning

I am in the reverse situation in secondary school - another parent has requested that our DS s are put in the same form and I have requested that they are not!(I have not told other mum this) school tactfully telling her not all wishes can be accomodated whilst doing what I asked ( and their present primary head also reccomended)

Friendships at that age mean nothing.IME they would dump one another in favour of new friends almost straight away.