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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know whether to give pocket money or allow my ds to earn his money?

31 replies

Mogandmeg · 15/06/2010 18:06

My ds is 7 and always seems to be asking me to buy him stuff, comics, footy cards etc and I am wondering if I should introduce pocket money. In the past I've always said yes sometimes and no the rest so he knows he can't automatically get something. However, I have no idea what the going rate for pm is or if perhaps he should earn his money instead by helping out etc. Would really appreciate any ideas you have!

OP posts:
seeker · 15/06/2010 18:20

Ah - I spy one of my hobby horses coming!

In my opinion, a reasonable amount ofpocket money should just be handed over on Saturdays with no strings attached. I also think a reasonable, age appropriate amount of household jobs should be done by everyone in the family without payment - you live in a community, you help to keep it running smoothly and happily. However, there are other big jobs, like washing the car, that are extras and are paid for, if they are done well and without complaint. Any complaining, and I do it myself,

Acanthus · 15/06/2010 18:25

Agree with seeker. We gave £2 per week once they went into juniors. £3 per week for yrs 5 and 6. Year 7 now approaching and I have no idea what will be appropriate!

follygirl · 15/06/2010 18:28

I have started giving my dcs pocket money.

They both get the same (6 and 4) and it is £1 per week. If we go out for the day and they want to buy something from the gift shop they use their pocket money. To be honest they aren't very demanding in terms of what they want and don't badger me. I think that they've got about £20 each in their piggy banks as they like saving.

It is useful in that if my dd (6) asks about things I can explain it in terms of how many week's pocket money it is. It just gives her an understanding of the value of money. For example she asked me for a computer for her birthday as she likes mine. I explained that it would take 10 years for her to save up for one and she quickly changed her mind as it was too expensive. She wasn't being a brat in asking for one she just didn't understand how much they cost.

skidoodly · 15/06/2010 18:29

seeker how come no money for housework? Way in the future for me, just interested. Prob would have done money/job exchange, but your suggestion appeals.

minipie · 15/06/2010 18:38

skidoodly

I'm with seeker on this.

I can't speak for her, but I presume it's because she wants the DCs to get the idea that they should help round the house because they are part of the family and so ought to do their fair share - not because they get paid to.

otherwise you could get them saying "I won't tidy my room unless you pay me" or similar.

chores that are over and above their fair share, like washing the car, can be paid for.

Acanthus · 15/06/2010 18:51

Agree with folly and mini too. What an unusual thread - we all agree

seeker · 15/06/2010 18:55

Yes - thank you!

We live in a family and there are things that need to be done. They don't set the table because they will get paid for it, they set the table because it's dinner time and we are hungry and it's their turn to do the job.

And they get pocket money because they can't function in society without a little money in their pockets. Dd earns money outside the home too, but I still give her a sort of basic living allowance. I provide her with all essentials - including some spending money. She buys her own inessentials!

freebirdx · 15/06/2010 19:00

agree with seeker too.

Ladyanonymous · 15/06/2010 19:03

Hmmmmmmmmmmm interesting, as I have fallen into the trap of making them earn it, having to nag, them not doing what they are supposed to, me not giving them any money etc etc etc...

This gives me a whole new vision

overmydeadbody · 15/06/2010 19:08

I'm 100% with seeker on this one.

Children should do their fair share of chores to help keep the household they live in ticking over smoothly, and they should not earn money for this. They shouldn't see household chores as 'helping you out', they should see them as their responsibility.

DS get's a pound a week pocket money, and has a clear set of responsibilities that are his around the house, as well as doing other things if and when I ask him to, that are completely seperate to his pocket money.

MissTrumpton · 15/06/2010 19:13

I'm with seeker

100%

Every word.

Collision · 15/06/2010 19:18

Totally with Seeker on this too.

DS is 8 and gets £1.60 per week

DS2 is 5 and gets £1.20 per week.

This is for sweets and gift shop things if they want it or gogos or other tat they fancy!

They do the hoovering when it needs it after dinner and they clear and set the table. DS1 helps put the washing out and DS2 helps cook the dinner sometimes.

Neither get paid for it.

As they get older they can wash the car or cut the grass or hoover the car and we will negotiate the price!

Mowgli1970 · 15/06/2010 19:20

I expect my kids to do a certain amount of chores for free. "There are 4 of us in this family" and "It's not all about you" are the phrases I'm constantly rolling out! They are age 9 and 7 and get £2 a week each. I thought they can't buy anything for £2 so they'd have to save a couple of weeks for a comic or football cards or crap stuff from Claire's Accessories. It gives them an idea of how much things cost too. We went to a garden centre for lunch and I asked them how much they thought it cost. Ds said £5 and dd said £7. They were both shocked when I said it was £17. I give them cash to go to the counter too as ds thought if I pay by card, it was free!

hatingmyjob · 15/06/2010 19:22

Another seeker fan here! I agree totally. I taught my DCs about helping around the house and doing their age appropriate share long before I even entertained pocket money.

My DD especially understands very well that she is a member of the household and we all need to do our share. I also hand over the money (once a month)with very few conditions.

Works for us!

patienceplease · 15/06/2010 19:33

When did you start giving your LO pocket money? My DS is 4, and doesn't get any, and I'm not sure when to start - complicated by little sister (2.5) no doubt will be wanting some too.

MissTrumpton · 15/06/2010 19:38

Ds started on his 5th bday, inspired by his reception class obsession with gogos and my refusal to spend my money on them. Younger siblings will have to wait until they are 5 but I do buy the occasional bit of tat for them to even it out.

5Foot5 · 15/06/2010 19:44

I must be a meanie!

When DD was at primary school her weekly pocket money was 10p for every year of her age.

When she got to 11 it went to £2 and since she has been a teenager (now 14) she gets £5

She is expected to help out with chores, e.g. setting the table, helping to do the dishes, running the hoover around occasionally, but pocket money is not conditional on that.

duckyfuzz · 15/06/2010 19:51

we're pretty lax about pocket money tbh, DTs are 6 and theoretically get £1 a week, no strings, but in reality they get money to spend as and when they need it e.g. goign to a fair, on holiday etc. They are expected to help in the house regardless.

duckyfuzz · 15/06/2010 19:52

meant to add, the total they get is no more than £1 a week, they jsut get it in a lump sum!

GoEngland · 15/06/2010 20:15

I think that I am with seeker in that we are a family of four, 2 of us work full time and 2 of us are at school full time. If the dinner needs cooking then someone does that, whilst someone else empties the dishwasher, hangs out the washing, runs the hoover round, or waters the plants. There are no that's not my job here.

This is not linked to pocket money, DD1 (13) gets a reasonable monthly allowance that she has to manage. This is for everything she needs, bus fare, lunch, books, clothes, going out etc. DD2 (10) gets money as she needs it now, but will get an allowance from September when she changes school.

However what my DDs understand is that by helping around the house, I can go out to work, this means that I earn money and then we can do most things we want. Like 3 holidays a year and any school trip they want to go on.

I must just qualify that I work not just for this reason as we could happily live well on DH salary but because I enjoy working and have never had any desire to be a SAHM as it is just not my thing.

Acanthus · 15/06/2010 21:16

The other advantage is that they buy FAR less tat when it is their money. We have opened bank accounts for our two, linked to my current account. They love to have a healthy amount in there. Granted it was a more useful exercise when they could see pennies of interest added every month (hardly any now interest rates are so low).

And I never have any moaning in shops, they ask for something and I say "Yes, do you have enough money" and then they decide whether they want it enough to actually shell out for it. I never comment on their choices, it's their money. Well, until the day when one of them wants Call of Duty. Or Nuts. Or cigarettes.

gaelicsheep · 15/06/2010 21:23

Another one here with Seeker.

And here's me clicking on the thread ready to argue with people who think everything in life needs to have a monetary value, that children need to be taught to "work" for their money, etc. etc. It's very rare to all agree!

skidoodly · 17/06/2010 00:52

Thank you all, that is very enlightening

So much agreement in one thread will ruin our nest of vipers reputation.

Tee2072 · 17/06/2010 07:49

Another one who agrees with Seeker! Very wise person, this Seeker!

My son is only just 1, so no pocket money yet, but when he does get it, it will be split in 3: -

1/3 goes to saving for something he wants
1/3 goes to spending right away
1/3 goes to charity.

The charity third can be 'book keeping' until there is enough to send to a charity, i.e. he'll get £3 a week (for ease of math) and that final £1 will be noted on the household accounts, rather than given to him every week. Then when its £10 or whatever, we will help him decide who to send it to.

This is what DH and I do, put aside about a £1 a week and then (usually) send it to Children in Need every year.

Goblinchild · 17/06/2010 07:54

'In my opinion, a reasonable amount of pocket money should just be handed over on Saturdays with no strings attached. I also think a reasonable, age appropriate amount of household jobs should be done by everyone in the family without payment - you live in a community, you help to keep it running smoothly and happily. However, there are other big jobs, like washing the car, that are extras and are paid for, if they are done well and without complaint. Any complaining, and I do it myself,'

Ditto, it's worked that way in my house for years. DD is now 19 and has a part-time job. Still does household stuff even though she doesn't get pocket money any more.
It's all in the training!