To not know whether to give pocket money or allow my ds to earn his money?

[Mogandmeg]

My ds is 7 and always seems to be asking me to buy him stuff, comics, footy cards etc and I am wondering if I should introduce pocket money. In the past I've always said yes sometimes and no the rest so he knows he can't automatically get something. However, I have no idea what the going rate for pm is or if perhaps he should earn his money instead by helping out etc. Would really appreciate any ideas you have!

Same as Seeker & co!

Dds are 8&10 get £2 a week , half is usually saved for holidays etc they can do extra jobs for money. Dd1 does dd2 tends not to. She likes the money but not enough to do the jobs!

"We live in a family and there are things that need to be done. They don't set the table because they will get paid for it, they set the table because it's dinner time and we are hungry and it's their turn to do the job. "

But - and mine is only 18 months so I am being purely hypothetical here - we also live in society, and we want to teach our children that a fair day's work is necessary for pay, surely? So why not link jobs and money early on, rather than insisting on chores done for family and handing over money unconditionally as well?

I definitely agree that things like comics, etc., should come out of pocket money. I'm just not sure that it's not a good idea to teach them to earn the money.

See i struggle with this.
I completely agree with seeker and is the way i plan to do things. Its the amount i struggle with. i always had a lot of pocket money. in late junior school, say a tenner a week to buy 'stuff', when i started at secondary school this went to £20. But out of this i didnt have to pay for anything that i 'needed' or anything that needed to be saved for, or any trips or spendong money etc. My parents saw these things as things they should provide as part of being my parents. In the holidays id have extra, id have the bus fare and dinner money to spend, that was another fiver a day. And i struggle to see it any other way, even though i want to iyswim. We never did anything around the house knowingly. Our rooms were always clean and tidy, but my mom did the rest. never cooked a meal etc. I honestly dont know how they did it. But i want to do the same and im disapointed that i dont think ill be able to.

Another one for seeker.

One thing that may come up if you do the money for work thing is what happens if a child is ill and can't work- particularly if there is a sibling who can. My brother was ill a lot during a few years before puberty- nothing serious just a succession of virus infections- but it would have been hard on him to see all the money go to his sturdier younger siblings. In my own family, both dcs have chronic health problems which means having to earn pocket money simply wouldn't work. Any housework has to be on ad hoc basis, allocated to whoever looks in reasonable shape at the time.

But even if this wasn't the case, I don't think I would do things differently. My own spending money when I was a SAHM did not depend on whether dh thought I kept the house tidy enough and I would have resented it if it had. So that thing about learning about adult life isn't 100% accurate anyway.

Even in my workplace I don't get more money doled out immediately I have delivered a good lecture or finished a piece of admin. I may get promotion but that is a very longterm prospect (and highly unlikely under current circs: we have just been informed by management that the best pay deal we can possibly be offered for next year is a 0% payrise...). I give good lectures (as opposed to shoddily prepared ones) because I take pride in my work: not because someone from the finance office is waiting outside my lecture hall with a handout.

"we also live in society, and we want to teach our children that a fair day's work is necessary for pay, surely? "

Absolutely - that's why they get paid for the extras, like cleaning the car or blitzing the bathroom or mowing the lawn.

What you don;t want is the situation where you say "Set the table please" and they say "How much?" I've been in families where something very similar happens.

I think children are clever enough to know the difference between paid work and family work. I don;t get paid for cooking their dinner, but I do get paid for making someone's birthday cake. So they know that some cupcakes are up for grabs (usually the wonky, slightly burnt ones!) and some are "touch this and die1'