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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to "send dolls house back to santa"

45 replies

katiepotatie · 15/06/2010 11:53

for naughty behaviour? I have told her she he will being it back if she behaves for the next 5 nights

OP posts:
2shoes · 15/06/2010 11:54

why santa?

dilbertina · 15/06/2010 11:56

How old? I think I would have kept Santa out of it and removed it myself. I would rather my dc think it is actually me punishing them not santa. Saving the big guns for Christmas...

diamondsandtiaras · 15/06/2010 11:57

I take it it was a gift from Santa to start with? Not unreasonable to confiscate a toy as punishment IMO........personally i would have agiven a warning first("if you do that again I will take the dolls house away" etc etc) so that she has the opportunity to correct her behaviour first.

compo · 15/06/2010 11:59

No don't make Santa out to be a bad guy! That would be really mean, and she'll remember when she's older how mean you were

it's one of those things you tell you mates when you're older 'my mum told me she'd given my Xmas present back to FC'

seeker · 15/06/2010 12:06

No don't do that! Take responsibility for it yourself. Why on earth blame Santa - do you want not to be the bad guy?

How old is she and what has she done? Must be pretty bad if a Santa aged child needs to have her dolls house taken away for 5 whole days and nights!

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 15/06/2010 12:07

YABU

Original poster
katiepotatie · 15/06/2010 12:13

she's been watching Dora the Explorer and they were talking about santas naughty and nice list. She'd been warned by dh that she'd be on the naughty list and it kind of escalated to santa taking the house if she continued beeing naughty

OP posts:
Original poster
katiepotatie · 15/06/2010 12:22

She is 3, and has been not going to bed at night has been going on for a few nights, waking her baby brother, bouncing up and down on the bed, she's not been asleep before 11 the last 3 nights. Last night she just kept shouting "i'm being naughty, i'm not going to bed, i'm bouncing, chalrie you bounce too" (he's 1, and is teething, so he's up the rest of the night) I work wed and thur, and don't think I can take another, night.
I know we should have just said we were taking it, but the eveining just got a bit out of hand. Dh working away from next week too for a fortnight

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 15/06/2010 12:29

I think it's much better for children to see their parents as the ones who have the authority to decide what they accept and what they punish. It's side-stepping the issue to say that Santa is punishing her rather than you, and only likely to confuse her.

Now it's been done, you're stuck with it as I think it would then be even more confusing for Santa to have changed his mind. But I don't think its a good strategy in general.

Colliecross · 15/06/2010 12:36

I recommend a 10 mile hike (any kind neighbours walk a dog?), a long session on the trampoline ( say 'I bet you can't keep bouncing' ) a swimming session if possible, and a high carb low protein supper.

(Not that I think yabu but one or two days is probably long enough for a sanction at this age.)

Again · 15/06/2010 12:46

I'm sorry to say this, but this makes me very sad. She's just a little girl. I think regardless of whether it is you or Santa it is quite traumatic for a child to be punished in this way or any way.

dittany · 15/06/2010 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 15/06/2010 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 15/06/2010 13:00

Too harsh I think - but I'm not going to berate you, you've come on asking for advice, and I imagine you are pretty tired ATM - so sympathies.

I think with little ones, consequences need to be as immediate as possible, and fairly short term. The whole Santa thing is vastly over complicating things.

Also from what you've described - (the Dora program, your DH's comment and what your DD said), it sounds as if she's recently become interested in the whole idea of being naughty, and is trying it out. I would have a little chat about the topic, and talk about the benefits of good behaviour etc. Perhaps find some story books about 'naughty' children so she can experience the 'excitement' of it vicariously. It really quite good for children to explore these ideas - helps them sort out their own self discipline and boundaries. Good luck.

Original poster
katiepotatie · 15/06/2010 13:02

So how would you punish her then, or are you all parents of angels?
She doesn't know dh is going away.
Have given her a reward chart, if she gets 5 happy faces the dolls house comes back.

OP posts:
Tortington · 15/06/2010 13:04

keep santa out of it - santa gives - santa doesn't take away - or else she may thing that all presents are temporary.

you're the baddy in her eyes - now santa too - if you had just said " i am taking this away until you improve your behaviour" that would be fine

Katz · 15/06/2010 13:07

how quickly can she earn the smiley faces?

i'd keep the smiley faces thing past the dolls house coming back too. Let them equal something or 5 more smiley faces equals a CeeBeeies magazine something like that.

Mine have 'earned' smiley faces for ages, as a currency it works well, they can also lose them too.

seeker · 15/06/2010 13:19

If she's still bouncing at 11.00 at night what does she do all day? Mine were (still are actually!) nightmares if they don't get enough exercise.

Does she share a room with her brother? Can you move him out for a bit, then just put her in the room on her own and let her get on with it?

I am pretty strict - but I don't think you can punish someone for not being tired!

Lonnie · 15/06/2010 15:15

I would not do the santa thing the smiley face thing is worthwhile if you do not turn it into a negative (because you threw your milk on the floor you now have to have a smiley face taken away) as you now have chosen to take it away you need to stick with it but to answer your qquestion I would use naughty step even at late evening. you sit there for 3 minutes go down to her level and say you have to sit on the stairs for 3 minutes becuase you did not listen to mummy and went to bed nicely after you were told it was bedtime.

GloriaSmut · 15/06/2010 15:26

I'm not saying I had angelic children - far from it. But all these sanctions sound so complicated when applied to a little girl who is clearly checking out the boundaries. Five days is far too long to remove a toy for (let's forget that "Santa" shouldn't take the rap) since it'll become meaningless to her. Also, what happens next time she behaves badly? On this principle, you could find yourself confiscating the entire toybox until her 18th birthday!

This naughty step thing won't necessarily work with someone who is clearly enjoying the challenge of you struggling to cope so I'd resort to getting her much more tired in the day and a simple, "story, bed, kiss goodnight", lights out routine". And stick to it. Take the baby out of the room if necessary.

ChippingIn · 15/06/2010 15:30

YANBU

sad/too harsh/too much punishment???? 5 days is not too long for a 3 year old - people really are starting to treat 3 year olds like babies - they are not babies! She knew exactly what she was doing and still chose to do it.

I wouldn't have brought Santa into it (not in June anyway ), but I can see how it escalated to that without too much forthought!!!

Naughty steps should be burnt.

Get a 'tone of voice' that brooks NO nonsense - Get.Into.That.Bed.NOW. Say it. Mean it.

Colliecross · 15/06/2010 15:43

Chippingin, I agree totally on tone of voice, but not everyone can do it and maybe it takes practice.
I think 5 days is way too long - I might do that for a 12 year old.
3 minutes on the THINKING STEP for a 3 year old, 4 mins for a 4 year old.

QualityTime · 15/06/2010 16:01

OH dear, sounds like you are all shattered and had enough, you as well as her.

I agree that 5 days is a lifetime for a 3 year old, you might manage it for one day but it is unreasonable to expect her to be capable of it.
A small child cannot understand when they are overtired and they just become hysterical little balls of nightmareness, I do sympathise.

Can you take her out now and make her run around and around and around so she conks out, then tomorrow lots and lots of praise for goign to bed, that way you are praising good behaviour.

What d you do when she starts playing up?

dittany · 15/06/2010 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumbar · 15/06/2010 16:24

OP is she overtired whe you put her to bed? My ds doesn't settle well when he is IYSWIM.

I agree punishment has to come from you not santa.

Perhaps tonight go in and say 'if you do not lay down and sleep like a good girl I will take your dools house away'. If she carries on take it away saying she can have it back if she goes to sleep. Then if she does reward her with its return first thing. If she doesn't explain in the morning she can have it back if she behaves. When she does something good praise her and return the house. Keep doing this until she gets the message. I agree with chippin that at 3 she is old enough to be punished and know that enough is enough.