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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to "send dolls house back to santa"

45 replies

katiepotatie · 15/06/2010 11:53

for naughty behaviour? I have told her she he will being it back if she behaves for the next 5 nights

OP posts:
QualityTime · 15/06/2010 16:36

well quite, dittany.

You can't force someone to sleep by telling them off, especially not a child.

DD's know that bedtime means they have to stay in their beds but they have torches/lighted alarm clocks and books/toys to play with until they conk out, it normally takes up to half an hour but they stay in their beds so I don't care. They are 4.4 and 2.8ish if that helps.

seeker · 15/06/2010 16:59

I think being told she will be punished if she doesn't go to sleep is going to make it even less likely that she goes to sleep - you really can't seep if you're trying to. Well, I can't anyway.

Staying in bed is another matter. She can be punished, if punishing's your thing, for not staying in bed. Books, torch, toys, glass og water - she doesn't have to go to sleep but she must stay in bed.

Lots of exercise during the day.

And - this is one of my hobby horses - absolutely no screen time of any sort for at least an hour before bed.

Original poster
katiepotatie · 15/06/2010 17:03

Have been out in the garden, after taking ds for MMR. Both dd and ds have a good bedtime routine, bath, bed stories lights out, she has a night light and books in bed, she normally reads for a bit and falls asleep. She gets plenty exercsie, out in the garden all day on good days, walking, kindergym class. But for some reason the last few days she has been a nightmare. Not just at bedtime, just being naughty for naughtys sake. Have told her the house will come back if she goes to bed tonight. I will use the reward chart for good behaviour though (she has one for pooing, as we have an on going problem of holding, that's another story though)not sure if 2 charts will be confusing

OP posts:
SarfEasticated · 15/06/2010 17:11

My dd will be 3 soon and is going through a very naughty phase, I really liked kurri's advice, seems very sensible. I find it very difficult to get to sleep when I'm overtired so can sympathise. I agree with no telly an hour before bed, works well for us and I can really tell the difference. Cbeebies bed time hour is perfect. My dd loves being patted, they get them to sleep that way at nusery, I use that to soothe and also a musical box if she's struggling to get to sleep. Hth

QualityTime · 15/06/2010 18:00

Good luck tonight

Something I thought of, does she have all her molars? DD1's were a bit late and she was a frigging nightmare when they came through....

seeker · 15/06/2010 19:12

Have you tried story tapes? If she can't sleep they might keep her in bed!

Questa · 15/06/2010 19:53

YABU. Immediate consequences for bad behaviour. Reminds me of a mum I overheard in a shopping centre recently threatening her child with 'the policeman will come and get you if you don't behave'. Thus indoctrinating the child with a fear of police from an early age.

mrsincommunicado · 15/06/2010 19:59

errr Santa drops it round in 5 days, so he's on call 365 days a year and pops round as and when?? V confusing and you are bringing yourself a world of pain!

Save the Santa stuff till November, take the authority yourself.

In our house items go on top of the fridge, they can be viewed there but they are not given back until an apology is given or some respect earned. This has been the case for 3 years now.

These days even the question, "Do you want me to put this on top of the fridge?" elicits good behaviour from my 5 yo.

Original poster
katiepotatie · 15/06/2010 20:41

So far so good, I told her if she went to bed and stayed in bed, she could get the dolls house back tomorrow.(I haven't mentioned santa either) Not a peep so far
Ds had MMR today, so I'm hoping we don't have too much of a disturbed night.
Qualitytime she has all her molars and I remember she had a bad week when those came in....more waking in the night than naughty behaviour though.
Thank everyone for your replies

OP posts:
pranma · 15/06/2010 20:44

That is actually a horrible idea imho-poor little thing will never trust Santa again if you do that.Anyway Santa is far too busy making next yrear's presents to come all that way

pranma · 15/06/2010 20:45

year's
I must read whole thread before I post-sorry.

Again · 16/06/2010 10:14

Apologies if I sounded harsh katie. No my 3 year old is not an angel and it does take up to an hour to go to sleep so you can ignore me if you like! He has recently been pushing the boundaries, but I don't punish or reward, I try to work it out at the time using a variety of methods - sometimes distraction, sometimes hugs and explanations. It's the times when I lose it that things escalate beyond control. I just try to bear in mind what we're striving for in the long term and it's not someone who waits for a sticker before being nice to someone else.

As regards saying that 3 year olds aren't babies, I don't entirely agree. It takes children 18 years to mature! 18 years! So 3 year olds have a lot to learn. This is their phase when they are trying things out.

At night we have a routine - 3 books, brush teeth and then bed. I don't talk to him after that except to say sssh or to sing a boring song but one of us usually does stay with him until he's asleep. That's just what works for him.

When he is really acting up, there is usually a reason when I think back on it - e.g. I was particularly tired and not giving him much time (pregnancy). And I think that they probably are very intuitive and so your dd possibly does know that your husband is going away although you haven't told her or that something is up.

Original poster
katiepotatie · 16/06/2010 20:17

Ok, last night was a disaster! She went to bed fine and woke at 11pm and read and was singing for 3 hours that's fine, it was when her brother woke that it all kicked off, eventually fell asleep at 5am! Then Ds woke for 1.5 hours, so I had zilch sleep.
Today been out in garden all day, play house slide, swing, all toys out, running around. Came in at 5, dinner, bath and stories. Have told her if she behaves tonight she may have her dolls house back otherwise it stays away, we've had a little strop, but so far so good. All is quiet, i'm off too bed too.
Again I did the no speaking after saying good night...we'll see what happens. She has had the same routine, for the past 2 years, so really not sure what's going on at the moment
Thanks again for all the sugestions

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 16/06/2010 23:24

Colliecross - I have to disagree with you. I don't think 5 days is too long to be without a dolls house - you can't compare it to the naughty/thinking - shouldbeoutlawed - spot/step/chair.

A tone of voice may need to be practiced - I heard it plenty times growing up so it was installed early - but now is the time to start before she gets out of hand.

Dittany - 5 days is not too long - 3 year olds are quite able to manage their behaviour and understand they are not allowed a certain toy because they would not behave.

Qualitytime - you can get a child to stay quietly in their bed and most tired children will then go to sleep - children who are boucing around the room keeping themselves awake will not go to sleep.

Katie - to be honest it sounds as though things are normally fine and really, she went to bed fine - it was only when she was really disturbed by her brother that it all went pear shaped - just keep being strong, don't give in to any 'bad habits' during the night and you will get through this...

I hope you are all sleeping now & through the night tonight!!

mumeeee · 17/06/2010 00:09

YABU. 5 nights is a very lomg time to a 3 year old and she'll probably find it difficult to behave for that long. Yes tell her you will take her dolls house away if she doesn't behave but don't say that Santa has taken it back and onlty do it for one night, Or perhaps you could try doing a smilley chart with her ans when she goes to be without misbehaving she gets a smiley face.

MrsRhettButler · 17/06/2010 00:20

agree with chippingin's posts but too lazy to write it for myself

MrsRhettButler · 17/06/2010 00:23

i hate all this 'reward system' though, my dss always asks what will he get if he finishes his dinner! and wasn't impressed when i told him he will get a full belly!

MrsRhettButler · 17/06/2010 00:25

and to clean his own bedroom! (with dd) i mean, the reward is the clean bedroom! SINCE WHEN IS DOING A JOB PROPERLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH REWARD?

MrsRhettButler · 17/06/2010 00:25

sorry didn't mean to shout

Original poster
katiepotatie · 17/06/2010 08:38

Well, she will be getting her house back today along with a smiley on her chart. She did wake, but talked to herself for about an hour
Ds was only up once last night, so a better night for everyone...better go, i've made it to work this morning
Thanks again for all advice, I'm certainly going to use some of it in the future

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