for not wanting ILs to come and stay

[LittleSilver]

MIL has just rung asking if she, FIL and BIL can stay for 3 nights next week. It's not that I don't want to see them, it just means giving PIL our bedroom, BIL the spare room where the baby sleeps, and the five of us cramming into DDs1 and 2 bedroom. Plus moan our bathroom still has a curtain instead of a door and some things you do not want to hear!! I said to DH, what about a B and B, but 3 nights is going to work out too expensive for us to afford and we can't exactly ask them to take themselves off.

AIBU and inhospitable or are ILs being unthoughtful?

(plus am 1st trimester with DC4 and in that constantly-knackered-and-queasy-stage)

OK, I can see why you want to offer MIL a bed.

But tbh, if you can´t fit them in, you can´t & it´s up to them to arrange other accommodation.

And as for BIL-just

I think you have to be bigger than this and accommodate family. Otherwise you are denying not just them, but your children contact with their own family.

Family are very important. It pays to try to get on with them, to rough it when necessary, and to do your best.

I really don't understand all this selfish 'tell them to bog off' stuff. They are coming all this way to visit. That's a NICE thing. It would be far worse if they never troubled themselves to visit.

Like I say, make sure you have plenty of wine or other chillant around and get on with it. It might even be fun. Perhaps you can get out for one of the nights by getting them to babysit!!

I am horrified at how little 'family' seems to mean to some of you lot. I hope your children and their future partners/spouses are more accommodating of you.

We camp in worse conditions. It's not forever and it really can be fun to get yourself out of your comfort zone and be generous with others. It's good for the spirit I swear.

Sorry if I sound evangelical. I've just had a visit from MIL and 2 x BIL which I was nervous about but which ended up in DS2, DS3 and their friends doing freestyle dance circles while we all clapped and cheered. It was really lovely and the kids loved having their grandmother and uncles there.

Spidermama I don't think anyone's saying the ILs shouldn't visit - yes, of course it's nice to have the GPs to visit, but the reality of the OP's living accommodation/pregnancy/number of 'spare' rooms etc means that having three extra adults in the house would mean turfing a pregnant woman out of her bed

• and if the BIL is too pathetic to look after himself for three days at the age of 30, I can't imagine he'll do much to help out with things in a house teeming with 3 generations!

The kids should be turfed out of their beds NOT the pregnant mum!!

My MIL was in dd's bed and dd was on the floor on cushions. It was fine.

I think its your in laws who are being very, very VERY unreasonable.

Oh yes how unreasonable of them to want to see their grandchildren.

My parents decided they were going to stay with us on a regular basis seemingly oblivious to the inconvenience this was going to cause. I found using this phrase, without any further explanation, worked far better than I expected. Repeat after me:

"Unfortunately that will not be convenient so you will need to make other arrangements".

YANBU - pregnant/vomiting/nauseous and no bathroom door - its just not doable.

Do what expat says.

As an aside - expat - I love your posts . You so have a career as a life coach - preferably on tv.

That´s all very well, Spidermama-but where are the "turfed out" children supposed to sleep?

I suppose at least she asked you... a small consolation no?!

What did you say to her?

If you have already said 'yes' then I would call her back and tell her that the friend you thought had an airbed doesn't after all, so she will need to bring one for her and FIL, but that BIL can sleep on the couch.... but also say that you wont be offended if they would prefer to stay in a Travelodge/B&B nearby....

You do not have to have them stay, you would be wise to sort this now (not when DC4 arrives)!!

Of course it's the nice & gracious thing to do to 'give up your bed for guests' - but it's not always do-able and for you, right now, it's not.

'Like I say, make sure you have plenty of wine or other chillant around and get on with it. It might even be fun.'

She's pregnant and vomitting often.

If BIL wasn´t also coming, it might not be such a problem.

Plus, the daughters might be vacating bunk beds which aren´t suitable for the ILs.

Your ILs are being very unreassonable here - just say no to their request and get your DH to tell them as well.

Some families also use their sense of importance as well to take the michael. If they were at all considerate this lady's MIL would not even suggest this mad scheme in the first place. This lady's house too is not a free B & B.

Absolutely Cat. I bet the kids would enjoy the adventure of roughing it a bit sleeping top and tail so they can give room for visitors. It's good life practice for being NICE to others.

OK, Ok expat sorry I forgot she may not want to have wine if pregnant. I might still be tempted by a herbal flapjack though under the circumstances.

I would be as firm as you can - say a def no no to BIL staying (he can sort himself out) then you can at least have the spare room. Could you also move a door from one the dc's rooms so they have the curtain and the bathroom has a door?? or maybe ask on freecycle??

I sympathise - my MIL rang us up and asked if she could come to stay 2 days after we moved house (and oh btw can you look after my car while I'm holiday that week) I sat there saying NO WAY and what did dh say 'of course' so we had to move her car with us and then set up a bed and space for her. Then she complained that we didn't give her our bed and bedroom as it had a en-suite and therefore was 'clearly a guest room' (we only have 1 single spare bed) she also complained that I wasn't organised enough and the place was a mess (2 days after a major house move!) I normally get on well with her but she pushed me to the limit....

Where do you live? I have three nearly new white doors that were put up just before I bought the house. We put wooden floors down because property developer put cream carpets down and we had to change the skirting so because of beading it was cheaper to replace the lot and go wooden. If you live close you can have the doors as long as you pick them up.