To not make a big announcement to my ds that he's going to have a new cousin?

[foreveryoung1]

SIL (dh's brother's wife) is pg and due in.
September.

When they announced it I said I wasn't going to tell ds until twelve weeks because didn't want to have to tell him if anything went wrong.

After eight weeks they said that they were going to announce to everyone anyway so thought we should tell him. I didn't partly still because I didn't want to explain about mc if it happened but partly because he really won't be interested, or probably even remember. They live three hours away from us and we see them maybe once a year. I can't see that changing when the baby is born.

So although it's not a secret and we have talked about the upcoming baby in front of him, I don't plan to actually tell him until the baby is born that he has a new cousin.

If they lived closer it would probably be different, but he doesn't have a relationship with them really (through their own commitments/other things in their lives that mean they're never free), but he's not likely to see them before the baby is born anyway, and once it's born we will probably see them once and then maybe once a year as has been the case since he was a baby.

He is nine and other peoples' babies do not interest him at all.

I suppose you could tell him if pushed to do so. He'll probably be interested for all of 5 seconds and then forget about it until the baby's born anyway. We didn't even tell DS about his own new sibling until past 12 weeks and the time drags so much. If he didn't see the growing bump every day there's no way he'd still be interested.

okay, i dont mean to be rude, i really dont, but is there any other reason you're reluctant to discuss babies with your son? because this really does seem like you're making an issue out of nothing. maybe you should stop expecting the worse and just tell him? he is 9, id be quite depressed if he didnt at least show a tiny bit of interest in a new family member? its not like hes 5...

"When they announced it I said I wasn't going to tell ds until twelve weeks because didn't want to have to tell him if anything went wrong."

Christ, I hope you didn't really say that?

Can't you remember how exciting it is to want to announce it?

YABVU. Be pleased for them.

What's it got to do with your SIL when you tell your son?

Like you say he probably won't be that bothered until he can see an actual baby and even then attention span will be limited.

Is it their first?

I could be 100% wrong here - but it sounds to me that you don't want to tell ds as you don't particularly like your SIL?

My sister is 12 weeks pg & I haven't told either of my two (5 & 8) as they'd constantly be asking when it was arriving!

If he's not interested at all then why not tell him? It's not like he's going to be pestering you for updates every day so I can't see why it's any sort of big deal? Just let them tell him or you tell him or whatever, it really doesn't matter.

How odl is your ds? If he is under 5ish and therefore unintersted in babies/short attention span then that's one thing but if he is older that's another altogether.

I can't see why you are waiting til the baby is born unless you've got serious reasons why things might go wrong?
And my kids live three hours away from their cousins and they have a lovely relationship, they come and stay for weekends etc and my kids get vety excited at cousin sleepovers

The child is 9, so I hardly see that the attention span thing is going to be much of an issue. I suppose it depends a bit on how much you talk with your 9yo. We discuss any question of family interest (unless special confidential reasons) with ours, and current affairs, what we have done at work, what we have read in the papers (again, unless wildly unsuitable). A 9yo should be quite mature enough to understand about the timescale of a pregnancy and to be able to cope with the news if something went wrong. A 9yo is not a baby!

I don't expect to get much more than a "is she?" when I tell my ds (seven yo) that sil is expecting twins. But he has no interest in other peoples' babies - I don't expect that to be any different just because they're cousins.

Imo children are just like some adults, some love babies, others don't.

And if the cousins live far apart and don't see each other regularly then there isn't going to be that close relationship. I grew up 6000 miles away from mine and wouldn't know most of them if I passed them in the street (I probably have passed some of them in the street, am back in the same town as them now).

You don't need to make a big announcement, it can just be part of everyday conversation. Very odd.

They are expecting us to make a big announcement.

We have been discussing it in general conversation, as i said it's no longer a secret, but ds has shown no interest.

As I said he sees them maybe once a year and doesn't really have a relationship with them.

Why are they expecting you to make a big announcement? Tell him tomorrow over his cornflakes then you can report back that he's been told and didn't give a toss was very pleased for them.

I todl DD1 that our good friends, who we speak to by phone regularly, but she rarely sees, are havign a baby. She is 4.

YABU, they want to share, it won't kill you to say 'ooh, you are getting a new cousin'

They made the announcement by putting up a picture of her positive pregnancy test on facebook! Had no idea what it even was and neither did most of the other people on their friends list, until people started to ask and they then explained. They'd done the test that morning.

She then rang later to ask how excited ds was about the news and it was then that I said that I hadn't told him and had thought I would wait until she reached twelve weeks.

Really dont mean to be rude, but it does sound as though you're a little jealous or resentful for some reason.

It's not clear from your post why you might feel this way, but it comes across like that, sorry.

Oh, and I would tell your DS (but then I come from a very close knit family where this kind of news is (cautiously) celebrated).

Agree with Maylee
Sounds like you have ishooos

I think announcing a pregnancy on fb is just weird.

What is the difference between telling him and a big announcement?

I can remember when my aunt was pg when I was 8 and we all went on holiday together and my aunt was talking in a very general way about 'the baby' and 'your new cousin' etc and I noticed her bump and I realised that she was pg and my parents delibretley hadn't told me. I thought they were loons.

I can't believe you said you would wait until she was 12 weeks before you told your DS.

What a way to burst her bubble.

You sound a little sour. They're only excited about their first baby, ffs. Tell your DS, even if he won't be particularly interested, then if they ask what his reaction was, simply tell them he was pleased. It's called tact. It's a special substance that oils the wheels of family relationships.