To not make a big announcement to my ds that he's going to have a new cousin?

[foreveryoung1]

SIL (dh's brother's wife) is pg and due in.
September.

When they announced it I said I wasn't going to tell ds until twelve weeks because didn't want to have to tell him if anything went wrong.

After eight weeks they said that they were going to announce to everyone anyway so thought we should tell him. I didn't partly still because I didn't want to explain about mc if it happened but partly because he really won't be interested, or probably even remember. They live three hours away from us and we see them maybe once a year. I can't see that changing when the baby is born.

So although it's not a secret and we have talked about the upcoming baby in front of him, I don't plan to actually tell him until the baby is born that he has a new cousin.

If they lived closer it would probably be different, but he doesn't have a relationship with them really (through their own commitments/other things in their lives that mean they're never free), but he's not likely to see them before the baby is born anyway, and once it's born we will probably see them once and then maybe once a year as has been the case since he was a baby.

He is nine and other peoples' babies do not interest him at all.

It sounds as if she wants to include your ds in the general baby buzz - why on earth wouldn't you tell him? He's 9 - not 4!

I can't see a problem-just tell him!

But OP has told him hasn't she?

"We have been discussing it in general conversation, as i said it's no longer a secret, but ds has shown no interest."

No, she hasn't. She is making a big deal of not telling him because he apparently won't be bothered. In which case there is no earthly reason why he shouldn't be told. It's all bonkers and either the biggest fuss about nothing in the history of MN, or there a huge issues here that will come out in the fullness of time.

Either way, it's weird.

I read it as there have been general conversations "SIL's baby bla bla bla..." but not "DS you do realise this will be your new cousin don't you?"

Agree it's a bit weird. We have told dd (20 months) that she will have a new cousin in October but she's not that interested either.

I am with the others: don't see why you can't tell him and then be done with it. Are you really in the habit of not discussing family news with your 9yo? You do sound sour.

I think at nine, he might be able to process the situation if something did go wrong tbh. Especially as the child or parents aren't very close to him.

Why announce anything?-just tell him in conversation.

Forever you I support your decision to not tell your son until your SIL was past 12 weeks, from experience I would never announce until after this milestone anyway. MC is sadly a common occurrence and something that I have had to explain to my DDs after a pregnancy was announced very early.
My DDs are very close to all their cousins, aunts and uncles however even at the age of 13 and 10 they were underwhelmed when my SIL (their favourite aunt) announced that she was pregnant with her first. However now she has a bump it is more real to them and they are starting to get more excited and wanting to buy baby things for it.
From experience (I am considerably older than my brother) at the age of 9 he would have been very 'so what' if my mum had told him that one of our distant aunts was pregnant, it just isn't a boys thing.

YABU as I think you are out of line to say that to her and are making a big deal over nothing.

"If they lived closer it would probably be different"

Why??? She's 6 months pregnant but you are going out of your way not to let him know that just because he doesn't see them very often.

It's almost like you want to protect him from something. What exactly? Other people's happiness??

I don't think the OP is doing anything wrong actually. If you don't live close and hardly see each other then just tell your DS about it when you go over to visit his new cousin.

DH's brother and his wife live only 10 mins drive away and we only see them a few times a year (if that!) and don't make a fuss of this kind of stuff either. They have their life and we have ours. They are introverts and don't mix so we leave them to it. I doubt they've even told their two DSs that I'm due a baby next month but I'm not worried about it tbh. They don't play a huge part in our lives so it's no loss.

and I can understand the reasoning of not telling her DS before SIL got to 12 weeks - why bother announcing it until everything is official and there's no problems with the pg. I think that's reasonable. Not great having to explain to a child that one minute the baby is here next it's not.

I understand you not wanting to tell your son until 12 weeks. I told my nieces and nephews about my current pregnancy (DC2); My sister told her DC's so then I had to tell the others really - not that I minded I knew they'd be excited.

I then went to hospital at 10 weeks with a suspected MC, luckily it was fine and now at 22 weeks all is well, but the one thing I was upset about most was having told the children.

However, I also detect a hint of resentment fom you on this. If it's your DS's first cousin, they might just be expecting him to be a bit excited, even if he's not, can't you just say he is? I'm sure you can remember the excitement of telling people your news?

Lots of people have said it, but you've not acknowledged; IS there a reason you're deliberately downplaying the news?