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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for being utterly jealous of the lucky women for whom pregnancy does not affect their figures :(

73 replies

superv1xen · 13/06/2010 18:05

Me, DP and the kids were in the park this afternoon, and it seemed to be full of mums looking amazing dressed in skimpy summery clothes and i just couldnt help looking at them and comparing them unfavourably to me

I am not bad, i am 30, reasonably pretty (well used to be) and a size 8 but have big boobs that have definitely seen their best days. and my stomach is awful, full of stretchmarks and i will never be able to wear a bikini again. even though i exercise loads (swimming, walking and pole dancing classes) and have a good diet, it just doesnt seem to be enough.

For example, one woman i saw pushing a baby in a buggy, who must have been only a few weeks old. she was stick thin and looked amazing in tight jeans and a tight vest. when my kids were a few weeks old i was still fat and practically still in maternity clothes.

Then there was another one wearing a crop top (a CROP TOP fgs) showing off her flat tummy with NO stretchmarks or loose skin.

It makes me soooooo [envy

I had a good figure pre kids...and it isnt like i didnt try to keep my figure, when i was pregnant (both times) i stayed active, exercised and had a good diet and didnt even put much weight on with either of them.

I seriously hate myself today. i even told dp how i felt, i was nearly in tears in the park, how pathetic is that? I should be grateful for my two healthy kids shouldnt i and not stressing about my figure. people have bigger things to worry about.

OP posts:

Morloth · 14/06/2010 17:36

I think we need to re-evaluate what is considered beautiful. Why is young and lithe the ideal?

Why are bodies that have done what they are designed for and show the signs of that (notice I said signs not damage) considered not as good anymore?

Who decided on this? Both are lovely, they are women in different stages of their lives.

Gigantaur · 14/06/2010 17:38

im bloody gorgeous.
i am neither slim nor petite and feminine. im a big blobby 6'1 size 24 mansize chunk of fabulousness.

but i do go a bit when i look at the late 30's mother of 6 who looks like a 20 year old supermodel who has a dd in my dd's class.

fernie3 · 14/06/2010 18:25

I have never been a size 8 or anywhere close! I was size 14/16 pre pregnancy and after my last three I have gone back to roughly that size but with alot more wobble. Now I am 32 weeks pregnant with number 4 I am HUGE I have so many deep stretch marks that I look like the baby has actually tried to cut its own way out and I still have a few weeks more damage to go!

I wouldnt worry too much about what other people look like they probably think you look great too.

mintyfresh · 14/06/2010 21:07

YANBU - I'm often very envious of this too.

But on the flip side, I do know someone who has just had a very underweight baby because she wouldn't eat during her pregnancy for fear of losing her figure. That is just sooo wrong...

chandellina · 14/06/2010 21:20

YABU. I'm sure you look fabulous. Even if you don't think so now, think of how you will look back in 10 years and then in 20 years and wish you had accepted and enjoyed your youthfulness!

i do hear what you are saying though - i have been seeing a lot of perfect mums around too. i thought i'd done pretty well to keep my figure and maybe even lose a little, but I am put to shame by these momshells.

hettie · 14/06/2010 21:44

I recognise that I am very very lucky as am back to my pre-pregnancy size at 4 months post birth. I may be skinny, but I'm not sure that makes me an 'ideal' woman, mostly (when not breastfeeding) my body shape is that of a skinny teenage boy! Luckily all our dh's and dp's seem to be atracted to different types (big small and everything in between) so I reckon it doesn't really matter....
And if it makes you feel, my pregnancies have left me with a totaly knackered back, so it's not like I got off scott free

ChocolateMoose · 14/06/2010 22:32

Superv1xen, it sounds to me like you need to cheer yourself up by buying some really nice clothes, and, at the risk of sounding like Gok Wan, make sure you've got a good, well-fitting bra as well, as it can really make a difference to how you look and feel. Think of it as an investment in your mental health. I bet lots of people envy your 'size 8 with big boobs' figure!

ILoveDolly · 14/06/2010 22:42

I might be back to size 8 after my 2 pregnancies but I have a really gross crepey tummy, boobs with massive veins in them, and an absolutely knackered hip which meant that I was on strong painkillers every day for 4 1/2 months after dd2 was born. I thought I was going to have to walk with a stick for ever. I'd rather be a bit fatter than before and not be in constant pain.

EveWasFramed10 · 15/06/2010 08:04

Though I lament my saggy belly and stretch marks...I am a good size for my height, and my body has never felt better. Pregnancy and birth did great things for me...I feel stronger physically for some reason.

So, I try and go with that. My hips and bottom are different, tummy's not great, but I feel pretty good in clothes, am really embracing exercise and trying not to get caught up in being thin and firm.

Our bodies have done AMAZING things...giving our babies nourishment and life...I wish we could see that a bit more clearly and banish those who snap back to a 'perfect' size...

brokenheartedgirl · 15/06/2010 11:15

some of these posts are lovely...we should all stop beating ourselves up about a few stretchmarks and saggy bits....what would some of you rather have....a "perfect" body (which lets face it will still go downhill in later life) ..or your amazing DCs.....??

weetabixwhiner · 15/06/2010 12:22

I think I was a size 8 when I was eight years old, stop looking at other people, you sound great but your confidence is low. My last DS is 11 and I'm heavier now than when I just had him but I am older now. If DH is ok with you, why worry?

TheShriekingHarpy · 15/06/2010 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

madhairday · 15/06/2010 12:37

What Morloth and brokenheartedgirl said.

OP be proud of your post children body. It's done what it was designed for, the signs that are left on it are beautiful. Don't let the thought of more signs put you off ttc another. When you are old, will you look back and say 'oh I am so glad I didn't have another baby but kept my body' or 'I wish I'd had that other baby?' think about it.

There's more to beauty than toned flat stomachs.

Easywriter · 15/06/2010 12:51

Sorry I'm being a bit naughty as I haven't read any of this thread (I will in a bit) as I got so side tracked by that BRILLIANT website ShreikigHarpy posted.
It's fantastic.
I have a twin tummy as well as being in need of losing a few pounds. I'm sad that it'll never go but at least it's not just me.

As for ladies who look like they've never had babies but have, well, I just have to console myself that we all have our good points.
My eyebrows are fan-blumming-tastic!

(Yep! It counts for jack doesn't it?)

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/06/2010 12:57

I have been every size from a size 6 to a 14-16 which i am now. I have to say I gave up a long time ago looking at other women and thinking "Oh i wish I could look like that".

I learnt to like myself. I know how hard it can be seeing new mums looking like they have not had a baby but sadly we are dealt our cards at birth i believe and we are what we are.

My sister is forever dieting and when she stops gains weight again then starts it all over again.

I am at the moment trying to tone up especially my stomach because I am getting married next year...
I just found 5 photos of me from the age of 12 to 35 and tbh I was the size I am now at 12. its total madness.

Romanarama · 15/06/2010 13:04

I'm with Hettie, I definitely pinged back - flat tummy a week after dc3, but also have no boobs and look like a skinny boy, so I'm often very embarrassed about my body. The tummy thing must be genetic - though mine looks perfectly smooth and flat if I stand up straight, it wrinkles in a weird crepey moonscape way if I bend over. So I wear a one piece because I can't be bothered to remember to stand up straight.

Oblomov · 15/06/2010 13:25

why has Op got such low self esteem. these women were probably skinny before. some women just are. whats the point of being jealous ? what does that achieve. and she is only a size 8. this is madness.
i learnt to love my body pre children. and do now. great hourglass figure. could do with losing a bit. but doesn't make me sad or jealous.
i never had a flat stomach before, so thats no problem. bit sad about my fantastic chest, which is alot more southbound, but hey ho.
Op neds to acept herself. there is more to this than meets the eye.

jellybeans · 15/06/2010 13:30

YANBU
I know of several mums who still have flat tums/no stretchmarks/flab. It can make you feel shit. One friend said to me that she was really jealous of a woman who had the perfect figure but once the said woman bent down and revealed deep stretchmarks amd she heaved a sigh of relief, point being that chances are they have changes but may hide them.

They are far outnumbered by women with stretchmarks and flab though so you are not alone!

We will all age and get wrinkled someday even them! I would love to be size 8 but am a 14 and have had twins and c sections but I like my body overall despite its imperfections! So other people looking perfect doesn't bother me so much anymore.

Oblomov · 15/06/2010 13:31

Is it the stretchmarks, skin that is the problem ? I think it may be. I guess thtas different. I am similar height to you OP. bigger. been a 12 most of my life. huge boobs. but i have no stretchmarks. luck of the draw, i guess. so i wear a bikini no problem. infact my Mn Pn ladies were amazed by this, when i posted it on facebook last summer, when ds2 was 9 mths. bikini. all on show.
I do have some sympathy if stretch marks are the real problem here.
mind you, i see stretch marked ladies on the beach in a bikini. i think they look fab.

Bramshott · 15/06/2010 13:49

No-one is the same after having children, even if from the outside they seem to be.

I am very lucky not to have stretchmarks, but I had a DVT which has left me with a permanently achey leg, and I have a tooth that's been leaking pus through the gum since I had DD2 3 years ago . To look at me in the park though, you wouldn't know I was such a knackered old crock!

Original poster

superv1xen · 15/06/2010 15:48

yeah its not even the stretchmarks as such, i wouldnt mind them on their own, i have one or two on my upper thighs but the rest of the skin is smooth and fairly tight still. its the hideous "crepey" effect that makes my stomach look so bad.

i think it doesnt help because pre kids i was always very proud of my tummy, all my friends used to comment on it, it was very flat and toned with no effort really and i often wore crop tops to show it off if it had always looked shit i wouldnt care.

and i cant believe dp fancies me, as i said, when we are, erm, in bed i get dead self conscious when he touches and looks at my body as i find it so ugly i cant believe he likes it. plus i look like shite at the moment as my dd is having sleeping problems n i cant remember the last time i slept for more than a 4 hours stretch

OP posts:

PANCHEY · 26/06/2010 06:58

With DD1 I snapped back pretty quickly, and not only that managed to be smaller than I had ever been size 12 pre pregnancy size 10 one year later. With DD2 one year down the line, I have a really saggy tummy, my muscles on my tummy will not go back together and I feel really unattractive. This as well as the fact that although I had fewer stitches this time (2 as opposed to 14) something as happened to me down there, I have an uncomfortable skin tag that basically itches and is often raw. It is joyous.

belly36 · 26/06/2010 14:20

I have hundreds of stretch marks, at 6 weeks post-baby they are still angry and purple. These I do not mind as I had some from first baby.

But now I also have a great big scar to add to the tummy-mess. With a lovely fold of skin hanging over it which I know will not go with exercise.

However, last time I wore a bikini it was 2002 and I was surrounded by fat german women who didn't have a care in the world about letting it all hang out.

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