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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is DP being unreasonable about my hair?

34 replies

secunda · 13/06/2010 13:28

This is the reverse of the usual argument, I think!

I used to have really long hair, but recently got it cut to above my shoulders. DP really liked the new cut, said it looked more sophisticated. I liked it too, but think I am going to grow it out a bit (NOT as long as before). When I mentioned it, he was all 'oh no, don't'. When I asked why, he said I would look like a primary school teacher! (wtf?) Now he's saying, 'are you going to get your hair cut soon?' and has also hinted that soon I will be 'too old' for long hair (I'm 27).

I'm thinking, sod you, an am going to grow it anyway, but can feel the waves of disapproval. AIBU?

OP posts:
bruxeur · 13/06/2010 13:30

Hmm. Bit gay, really. Does he like you to wear sailor suits with your very short hair?

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 13/06/2010 13:35

He is being unreasonable in the fact I love long hair, whatever age (hate the way most poeple chop it off when older) but I have told DH he cannot shave his hair short before he loses weight as he will look like a "bald fat man" and not until he is in the RAF otherwise they will think he is abit of chav at his interviews [controlling]

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/06/2010 13:41

I had my very long hair cut into a very short bob fairly recently. My "whateverheis" would very much like me to grow it back despite telling me new cut takes years off me My view is that it's my hair so I'll do what I like with it. YANBU - your hair, your choice IMO.

AlCrowley · 13/06/2010 13:41

Your hair, your choice IMO. DH wasn't keen on me cutting off my long hair but it just got in the way and was constantly tied back so I did it anyway. He likes it now

Can we not use "gay" as an derogatory term though please. It's offensive to anyone who is or who has gay friends.

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/06/2010 13:42

Bizarre - your hair/your choice x post...

AlCrowley · 13/06/2010 13:44

Sorry, should really change back. Swapped it for the Christian Mumsnet invasion and liked it.

lazarusb · 13/06/2010 13:45

Absolutely your decision. It's fine for him to express a preference but ultimately up to you.

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/06/2010 13:47

I'm joking AlC... It's a good one - just made me smile that we had "spooky" cross post and you have a "spooky" name.

Curiousmama · 13/06/2010 13:48

can we see before and after pics

Agree it's your hair your choice. I had very long gorg hair, had it cut in bob, now it's shorter and choppy. I don't look any younger but it's easier and dp loves it anyway I have it. He also thinks I don't need make up but I still wear it. Dp is colour blind though so maybe that's why he can't see any difference?

AlCrowley · 13/06/2010 13:51

It's more of a Good Omens thing anyway Belle. Aleister was a very bad man.

Nancy66 · 13/06/2010 13:51

Really long hair always looks awful in my opinion.

It usually has no style or shape - just limp, lifeless hair with scraggy ends.

PansAndNoodles · 13/06/2010 14:02

(Ooh I'm scared of you too Al!)

I think it's your hair of course so your decision etc. Although I do agree a bit with your dp secunda. Most really long hair on women (that have seen) looks quite ageing and ungroomed on a day to day basis.

That of course is only imo and obviously depends on your hair/overall look etc. But there's something about it that jars a bit it's true.

thesecondcoming · 13/06/2010 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovechoc · 13/06/2010 14:10

it's your choice at the end of the day. I got my hair cut short a few days ago now and love it short. OTOH DH doesn't like short hair but that's tough because I like it!lol

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/06/2010 14:14

AlC I love that book... May re-read actually as am bookless (well, can't face the ones lurking under the coffee table) at the moment.

comixminx · 13/06/2010 14:19

It's up to you but I think it's reasonable that DP should have an opinion - just not a deciding vote! Ridic to say that older women shouldn't have long hair though - I am going to be 40 at the end of the month, and only even started to grow my hair in my 30s. My mum also has long hair too (not as long as yours was I guess).

AlCrowley · 13/06/2010 14:21

Should shorten it to just 'Crowley' really but I think that was taken (AleisterCrowley was definitely taken so there's another round here somewhere!)

Plus, I like it when people call me Al

Original poster
secunda · 13/06/2010 14:34

I was surprised, thought most men preferred long hair on women. Mine is thick and curly, so quite suits being long. Think I'm going to grow it to just below shoulders anyway, sure he'll get over it

OP posts:
diamondsandtiaras · 13/06/2010 21:15

I don't know where this being too old for long hair thing comes from.........it's v irritating! My mum keeps saying the same to be....."you're getting too old to have long hair...blah blah" It's not even long, it's chin length!

dinkystinky · 13/06/2010 21:17

Your hair, your decision

Though FWIW DH likes my hair short - he has a thing about being able to see and kiss my neck and thinks it frames my face better so it may just be that your DH is so blown away with your short hairstyle he cant articulate things like that..

minibmw2010 · 13/06/2010 21:19

I think it goes back to when women were considered "old" once they were past 40 .. and they should look sensible and be mumsy .. well I have very long hair and I love it, I'm 37 and I absolutely dare anyone to tell me I'm too old for it. What a load of tosh eh ladies ??

scottishmummy · 13/06/2010 21:19

i wouldnt invite dp opinion on how to style/grow my hair.nor would he offer it

do what you want

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 13/06/2010 21:23

My DH has long learnt not to comment on my hair as he knows whatever comment will be "wrong". Having grown up with a mother who dictated my hairstyles until I was about 17, I do what I want when I want with mine and let my dcs do the same. Dh has no hair!!!!

BritFish · 13/06/2010 21:28

do what you want to do. i have long dyed reddish hair that several people have told me is innapropriate for my age [it kind of is, but hell, its my hair] its not super long, but it is long by most standards. if my DH told me to do anything to it i would quite honestly laugh in his face.

im bad though, i think my hair is this way because i swear every woman over 30 has blonde chin/shoulder length hair, and if i lose a friend in a shopping centre its ridiculous trying to identify whos who in a sea of the same style... thankfully my best friend has black curly hair and much better eyesight than me...

BelfastBloke · 13/06/2010 21:34

Completely your right to do what you want with your own hair, I agree.

But it is worth considering, surely, the long-term effect of making yourself less attractive to your spouse?

I know exactly the kind of responses this post will probably get. "Tell him where to get off!" But marriage relationships are tricky.

It's rights vs realism.

I bite my tongue many times, because DW has an absolute right to say/spend/dress how she wants. But I can't help my reactions to those decisions, and they can be negative.