Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to go back to work full time?

58 replies

mooki · 11/06/2010 22:46

I currently work four days a week. I enjoy my job.

I have one day a week at home with my daughter, who is 2.8. We do have lots of lovely time together, but also sometimes, frankly, being at work is less stressful.

The rest of the time DD is looked after by my mum and dad for one day and spends three days with a childminder. She will start pre-school on the three childminder afternoons in September.

I have an interview for a job next week. It is a 6 month secondment from my current position and is a very interesting opportunity. But is likely to require me to go full time for the period of the secondment. (I would have to check but afterwards I assume I could go back to my current hours).

DD will start school in two years, at which point I would go back full time anyway.

I only know one other woman with a child the same age as mine who works full time - she is a lawyer and actually, she's on mat leave anyway at the moment. On the other hand, my husband works five days a week and sometimes on weekends or evening too as do most of the fathers I know.

AIBU to consider turning down the chance to be with DD for an interesting work opportunity?

OP posts:

Original poster

mooki · 12/06/2010 00:25

I know what you mean; I'm not intending to state my preference in advance, but equally the job is being advertised as FT so technically that's what I'm applying for.

Luckily I know the interview panel and neither of them are knobs but from what I know about the role, it would be hard to do it if there was a fixed day a week that you didn't work.

Having said that, if flexible childcare was available, it might be more possible to work an 80% week.

I'm only a candidate at the moment but I'm just trying to work out in my head.

OP posts:

blueshoes · 12/06/2010 00:31

If it is advertised as a ft job, and you sense from the job description that it needs to be a ft job, I think you better see it as a ft job.

There is nothing to stop you floating the idea of a 4-day week if you get the offer, but you don't want to do a half-baked job (not that you will) or worse, end up doing ft work for pt pay.

funnysinthegarden · 12/06/2010 00:39

go back to work and don't look back.........babies fine, DH happy, loadsa money coming in.......do it

Original poster

mooki · 12/06/2010 00:45

And NonnoMum - thank you, that was a very thoughtful way to put the situation.

Thing is, part of my (in my head, talking to myself) justification for going back to work 4 days when DD was 1, was that she would be with me or her family the majority of the time and with 'strangers' for less. Her current CM isn't a stranger now as she's been there almost 2 years, but she will be changing CMs in September, in order to be able to go to the local pre-school and changing from 4 days to 5 will tip the balance.

DD is very confident and outgoing and is comfortable in her childcare situation but it does mean sometimes I feel like the majority of my weekly interactions with her are either about getting dressed and getting out of the house, or getting undressed and getting into bed: both of which, at 2.8 are recipes for rebellion and frustration on both our parts.

I realise this would increase if I worked fridays too, but on the other hand, fridays at home are currently a mixture of me trying to do everything she wants to and then getting fed up after an hour of pretending to be grandpa and/or a handsome prince or playing Angelina Ballerina dress up.

I am in awe of SAHMs - I feel totally guilty at how shit I would be at doing it.

OP posts:

funnysinthegarden · 12/06/2010 00:49

I am a shit SAHM {grin]

Original poster

mooki · 12/06/2010 00:50

blueshoes - well that's the thing - that was my starting point - knowing I think it's more likely to be full time, were I to be offered the post, would I accept?

I am so going to regret staying up this late in a few minutes when we all have to get up.

OP posts:

gaelicsheep · 12/06/2010 00:52

My feeling (based on my own experience of doing a 4.5 day week for a while) is that you are probably putting way too much pressure on yourself for that one weekday "off". As you said earlier, being at home with a toddler can actually be much harder work and by the end of the week you're tired anyway which doesn't help. If you pass up the chance of the full time job you really want you could end up resenting it, which would make things even harder.

Oh and one tip from one who's been there - stop trying to cram everything in when you are at home. You can only do what you can do. And I promise, as they get a little older the battles get fewer (or at least change) and the quality time increases. Hang in there, but I think now's the time to make decisions for your own future. Your DD won't suffer by you going to work that one extra day - honestly!

gaelicsheep · 12/06/2010 00:53

I too am in awe of SAHMs btw (and my SAHD husband). I don't think I could do it, I really don't.

blueshoes · 12/06/2010 18:27

"I realise this would increase if I worked fridays too, but on the other hand, fridays at home are currently a mixture of me trying to do everything she wants to and then getting fed up after an hour of pretending to be grandpa and/or a handsome prince or playing Angelina Ballerina dress up."

Mooki, how I identify with that. I find the baby and pre-schooler age so dull that I have out-of-body experiences within an hour (as you say) of mindless play.

Now that my dd is 7, she is much better company. I actually will look forward to spending a sensible, conflict-free day with her on her school holidays. She is lovely to take shopping and then to a cafe, nothing like her take-no-prisoners toddler self.

If you are doing this to gain experience in your dream career, I would just say get on with it. Everyone is suffering to some extent in this economy. Might as well use this time to lay the foundations of your much greater employability once the economy takes off again. At that point, the jobs will open up. You will be in a much better position to dictate your hours and terms, rather than starting from scratch or stale.

This is your investment for the future.

I think ground-hog day time spent getting your dcs ready, sending them to school etc is more valuable when they are older. These times are generally less fraught (no more power struggles) and it is in these mundane windows that they open up and tell you the social and emotional stuff that a parent is there for. Also, there is homework after school you will want to monitor.

Do your time workwise when they are pre-school. Then you will have more cash in the bank and more seniority to cut your hours, if necessary, when they are school age.

Calyx · 12/06/2010 18:35

Mooki, just wanted to say GOOD LUCK at the interview even though I don't have any experience/advice for you, some good thoughts on the thread though

Original poster

mooki · 12/06/2010 21:59

Thank you Calyx and all the other people who have wished me good luck.

Yes, I agree, given it's an AIBU, everyone has been very measured and thoughtful in their responses. Thank you Blueshoes and Gaelicsheep.

OP posts:

linroz · 12/06/2010 22:22

You need to decide what you really want. I have 4 children and work full time, have done for the last 5 years. I love my job, but also have to do it for financial reasons, I was the major earner when my husband was alive and am the only earner now. Of course there are many times I feel I would love to spend more time with my children, but in practical terms it would not be possible. If you are happy with your childcare (crucial!) go for it! good luck

vouvrey · 12/06/2010 22:26

go for it, it's only for 6 months. Could you maybe do flexi-time so you get the odd flexi day off? Or you could use your annual leave as lots of individual days instead of all bunched together?

jellybeans · 12/06/2010 22:42

I wouldn't do it myself but it's each to their own.

funnysinthegarden · 12/06/2010 23:56

jellybeans why?

jellybeans · 13/06/2010 09:03

Just personal preference as prefer to not work or work part time at least until school age. An extra day with DC is a good thing.

I did work full time and DD1 went to nursery 5 full days and it just didn't work for us. However, when my parents had her it was fine but we eventually had to use nursery and she just didn't settle but I was relieved to give up in alot of ways.

I am all for choice, though, and you have to do what is best for the individual family. Life is short, do what makes you happy!

mazzystartled · 13/06/2010 09:08

I'd do it.

But contrary to last poster I think your kids need you just as much in the early years of school as they do in the preschool years....being part time then is a positive advantage

HappyMummyOfOne · 13/06/2010 10:30

An extra day wont make much difference so i'd go for it.

Your daughter wont remember when she's older whether you were home or not at the age of 2.

windywendy · 13/06/2010 10:40

I have two DSs (aged 4 and 21 months) and have recently got a new job that is FT. Since starting my family I have always worked a 4 day week.

I didn't think the extra day would make too much difference but it has - to me anyway! The boys are at nursery full time which they adore and they are as happy as ever and enjoy their weekends, but I am just so so tired! I didn't realise how much I relished that extra day and am really missing it now. But, I guess it is just because it is a new routine, new job etc and the benefits really outweigh me being tired. For a start, the difference in pay is amazing which makes the weekends a lot more fun and less stressful. My time with the children is all about the children with no other pressures so I think they are benefiting too.

I would go for it - if you hate it, it is oonly 6 months. If you don't go for it you may always regret it.

Good luck!

ChunkyChick · 13/06/2010 14:29

I wouldn't do it either, if your financial situation means you can afford not to. What's the point of having kids if you don't spend any time with them? They're only little for such a short amount of time.

scottishmummy · 13/06/2010 19:47

kerching!straight to MN topofthepopsclichétastic for that wee why have children if you never see them....

well done for being so lame

just waiting on a precious moments mama to usurp you

funnysinthegarden · 13/06/2010 22:26

oooooh scottishmummy are we here, I thought we were on the trolls thread?

Original poster

mooki · 14/06/2010 00:03

The other thread has had my stomach churning today. It is what I'm worried about - if I can afford to stay on four days a week how can I be so selfish as to put my job ahead of my daughter.

I don't think I'm a very good 'natural' mum; I stayed at home until DD was 1 but I found it hard work. Despite my dd being a lively, intelligent love with a bugeoning sense of humour, my DH and I didn't want and aren't planning to have any more.

But I'm not taking any decisions about adding an extra day casually or lightly and I have valued the opinions people have given me to think about.

OP posts:

funnysinthegarden · 14/06/2010 00:14

mooki hard work, yes. BUT work gooooood!

IMoveTheStars · 14/06/2010 00:20

Go for it, and ignore the people trying to make you feel guilty for doing otherwise. She's almost 3, not 3mo.

SO many women with careers HAD to do this, just a few years ago.

Where's Xenia when you need her?

Flip

1 2 3