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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my friend to get someone else to look after her son?

40 replies

carton81 · 11/06/2010 15:50

Just after easter my friend got a part time job with no consideration as to who would look after her DS. She just assumed I wouldn't mind. I have looked after him in the past but never on a regular/permanant basis. The first day he was ok but the 2nd time he came he was a nightmare. He deliberatly wee'd all over the toilet, wet toilet roll and stuffed it all in the sink blocking it up. He knocked an ornament over, swore and threw food on the carpet.
Friend came home really enthusiastic about her job so I didn't mention it and assumed he'd calm down but it continued. He hits my DS, swears at him and calls him poo face, puts his fingers around his eyes to take the piss out of DS's glasses, tips drinks up "by accident" over and over again and basically just runs riot.
I spoke to my friend last week about it and she said she'd talk to her DS. He was ok after that but today has been unbearable. He drew on the living room wall, put water in DH's slippers, tipped the cat food up and kept poking DS.
I feel guilty but I cant stand him being here. I am constantly on edge, cant relax in my own home and dread it and sit there watching the clock until she picks him up.

If I dont do it, she will be completely stuck. AIBU to refuse anyway knowing she may have to quit her job?

OP posts:
iMum · 11/06/2010 15:52

How old is he-you do know it is illegal to childmind if you are not registered-oviously if you are ignore that bcit!

scurryfunge · 11/06/2010 15:52

Give enough notice to find a childminder and tell her you are not prepared to do it anymore.

Altinkum · 11/06/2010 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2010 16:00

what a cheek of her to assume you'd do it

Greensleeves · 11/06/2010 16:00

you could tell her you have had a warning phone call and have to give up looking after him as you are not a registered CM

StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2010 16:02

is she paying you?

TheCrackFox · 11/06/2010 16:06

She doesn't sound much of a friend TBH. Presumably she knows her DS is hard work but thought you have such a meaningless life that you had nothing better to do than to babysit him.

Tell her to get stuffed.

Hai1988 · 11/06/2010 16:07

im confused
You need to be a regestered childminder too look after a friends kid????

My sil always looks after a little boy in the school holidays and such

pagwatch · 11/06/2010 16:09

yes, you need to be registered if you are looking after on a regular basis.

It is to protect the child as well as the child minder and the parent.

hairytriangle · 11/06/2010 16:09

I'm pretty sure, if you are not related, it's illegal to regularly look after someone else's child without proper registration as a childminder.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 11/06/2010 16:09

pag beat me to it

StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2010 16:09

i thought it was only if you're being paid (even if in kind)

Hai1988 · 11/06/2010 16:09

what about family?

StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2010 16:11

think relations are ok too

hairytriangle · 11/06/2010 16:11

www.ofsted.gov.uk/Ofsted-home/Forms-and-guidance/Browse-all-by/Care-and-local-services/Childc are/Registration/How-we-register/%28language%29/eng-GB

Altinkum · 11/06/2010 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 11/06/2010 16:11

close family is not included

pigletmania · 11/06/2010 16:14

I would tell her that you are not able to look after him as you are not a registered childminder and its not convenient. How cheeky to assume you will look after him.

DomesticG0ddess · 11/06/2010 16:18

YANBU, she is. You could either say what the other poster said about child minders, or be honest and say it's too much of commitment to do it on a regular basis. Or you could be completely honest and say you can't deal with her DS's behaviour! What an nightmare - who would just take on a job without actually asking someone to look after their child???

5Foot5 · 11/06/2010 17:04

I am at the cheek of the woman to just take a job assuming you would help her like this.

I agree with scurryfunge that you should give her some notice to get a childminder - that way she does at least have the chance to sort something out and does not necessarily have to lose the job. But when the time is up if she hasn't sorted something out then be firm with her.

SeaTrek · 11/06/2010 17:08

YANBU! Just tell her that you don't want to do it anymore and stick to it. If she is a decent friend then she will realise how incredibly rude she was assuming like that. More likely she will try and convince you or make you feel guilty - do you want a friend like that?

YABU to have let her put you in this position! What a cheek!

onthepier · 11/06/2010 19:05

How often does she expect you to do this?

GeekOfTheWeek · 11/06/2010 19:28

How fucking rude to assume someone will look after your dcs whilst you are at work. Cheeky bitch.

Give her a weeks notice and tell her why.

Sounds like my friends ds, he is no longer welcome in my house due to his behaviour.

Btw, he is bullying your ds in his home so if nothing else it needs to be stopped because of this.

warthog · 11/06/2010 19:30

you have to put your own child first before anyone else.

you've got to stop looking after him!

dizzydixies · 11/06/2010 19:31

I wouldn't let anyone bully my DC, friend's DC or not - its not on, he should feel safe in his own home and he's not with the other boy about - please tell your friend enough is enough