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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to change my life

43 replies

desiretochange · 10/06/2010 16:31

Have had enough of feeling old, tired, overweight and stressed out. Just can't seem to get a handle on anything. I work full time, am separated over 12 years but have no life so to speak. I want to change so much about my life but am completely overwhelmed because every area needs total overhaul.

OP posts:
munchkinland · 10/06/2010 16:34

wow that you feel so down.
Maybe just try one step at a time?
Do you have any interests? Gardening? Theatre? Museums? walking etc.....

Original poster
desiretochange · 10/06/2010 16:40

Have no real interests, would like to try my hand at gardening but my garden is overgrown and needs overhaul like myself {smile} I know one step at a time is the way to go but when it's every area of your life the task just seems insurmountable.

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vouvrey · 10/06/2010 17:09

Well if you're tired that's going to inhibit your ability to do anything else so why not try tackling that first and take it from there?

hairytriangle · 10/06/2010 17:27

I can highly recommend a book by Louise Hay called 'you can heal your life'.

It has had amazing results for me and many people I know.

Don't know if it will be your kind of thing, but I think it's fantastic.

I felt a bit like you for many, many yeears, and I feel fantastic and have a brand new life now.

inkyfingers · 10/06/2010 17:42

recommend start with one thing - whatever gets you down most (it sounds like self-image and not the garden). For a lot of us it's weight, less of that and we feel less tired. Start 2 days of healthy eating with a teeny bit of exercise and don't promise yourself more. Where are your friends? Phone someone for a night out /in with a film. Good luck - I know it's easy to say all this stuff, love yourself a little bit!!

Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 10:52

hairytriangle have read Louise Hay book and many other self-help books but I think my problem is I over think things when really I need to take action.
vouvrey inkyfingers I am tired so perhaps you are right in saying I should tackle that area first. Will try healthy eating over the weekend and walk. Have booked a hair appointment for tomorrow as my hair, like my garden, is overgrown (blush).
I have friends but if I even start to say how shit my life is, they jump in to assure me that either I am exaggerating or that my life in comparison to their is a bed of roses.

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munchkinland · 11/06/2010 10:56

Agree with the weight thing but that takes some time to do properly, so was wondering if you couldn't do something as well which gets you fired up and stops you feeling so tired - as strange as is it sounds I feel less tired the more I do!!

Maybe see if there are some nice garden local garden shows or anything nearby...I know our local cancer hospice runs garden competitions which are held on an open day and you just wander round a list of peoples gardens for the day - maybe you could do this with a friend?
Or join a local gardening group/class to meet similar friends with siomilar interests....

GypsyMoth · 11/06/2010 11:00

my garden was an overgrown mess when i moved here.....i cleared one square foot of it a day....then upped it as i became more confident. started at the back door.good exercise too

Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 11:52

munchkinland there isn't anything like that where I live, not too sure it wouldn't depress me further to see the lovely gardens that other people have. However I do agree that I need to do something that will get me all fired up, the thing is am not sure what that is {confused}
ilovetiffany think I will take your advice about the garden, one square foot at a time, did you just tackle the overgrowth or plant flowers etc as you worked on each area?

OP posts:
jaabaar · 11/06/2010 13:54

Hi,

I was feeling a bit like you too. So after long searchng I realised that in my case it was being overweight. So I strated only wiht that. Lost 3 stones and somehow all the rest started to go better. I had more energy to do other things and mainly I just simply was happier within myself, that itself gave the umpff!

oiteach · 11/06/2010 14:03

You said you're tired? Have you checked to see if your thyroid is ok? Am asking because you mentioned weight as well.

YANBU to want to improve things.
I would look at it as a long term project in small chunks though.
So step 1 is to make sure everything is fine medically, if so then look at a way to lose weight which works for you.
Start doing some regular exercise that you enjoy, don't pick something because you feel you should, do something you like. I swim and I run because I love to do those things.
My friend walks and does pilates.

What about work? Do you like your job? Could you reduce your hours a little to give you a bit more time, maybe finish an hour earlier twice a week?

Garden is easy enough. Weed. Look at what you've got. Visit garden centre and buy a few little things you like the look of.
Don't try to do it all at once though, do it in bits and look at it as a nother form of exercise too.

Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 14:26

jaabaar I know I need to lose about 2 stone but just don't seem to be able to committ myself to doing it properly. Need to give myself a swift kick up the bum and do something about it.
oiteach Had my thyroid checked a while back and all is ok. Do have a problem with blood pressure and cholesterol, no doubt as a result of weight and smoking!
Work is stressful and at the moment there is no chance of reducing hours worked.

OP posts:
oiteach · 11/06/2010 14:33

Is it a job where you could negotiate working partially at home? If you can do your job from a laptop and phone with perhaps a fax and printer then it is no problem and shouldn't make any difference to your colleagues.
I do this and it is far less stressful and I think more productive as well.

How are you approaching the weight loss? Are you looking at simple measures such as your portion size and healthy snack options as well or are you trying to diet heavily and then falling off the wagon?
I really do advocate the lifestyle change rather than diet. So many low-fat options are full of crap and most diets tend to work only whilst you are on them and then you put on more when you stop.

Would you consider giving up smoking? I think the NHS stop smoking thing is supposed to be very good.
I gave up a couple of years ago so I know how hard it is but I do genuinely feel a thousand times better now. ( I think I probably smell better as well )

Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 14:54

oiteach It isn't possible for me to work from home unfortunately, I have a prescription for Champix tablets to stop smoking, just have to bring prescription to chemist (which I keep putting off). You are right, it's a lifestyle change I need and maybe I need to look at it objectively and form some sort of plan. Need to organise myself which believe me is not easy as I literally just get through each day in as much a daze as possible in order to ignore the fact that I am totally wasting my life!

OP posts:
Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 17:09

Hope I am not beginning to sound like a moaning minnie [hmmm]

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 11/06/2010 17:24

old, tired, overweight and stressed out.There are only 2 you can adress there

I think you might need some tough lovel, as its oh so easy to fall into the pit, then moan moan moan
then wehen you moan, people dont want to see you, and it gets worse!

what about setting some short term goals, whatever floats your boat, and dont over estimate

tidy garden
get a low fat recipe book
get a funny DVD
do some gardening (hard work but stress releiving and weight loss)

small steps, one day at a time

but dont keep on moaning, do something about it

porcamiseria · 11/06/2010 17:27

sorry I was wrong! three you can adress!!!!

even the old can be helped via haircut, make up, a smile, etc etc

and good luck, its not easy I know that

Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 22:26

To be honest porcamiseria I don't moan . . always am the cheery one which is probably why I find it difficult to admit that I am tired and lonely.

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GypsyMoth · 11/06/2010 22:51

did you make a small change today?

MorrisZapp · 11/06/2010 23:00

You can change, but you have to actually do it instead of (or as well as) talking about it.

I think you need support of the tough love variety. Your life will remain unsatisfactory unless you take practical steps. And don't hide behind other failings ie I can't get fit until I've given up smoking and I can't give up smoking becuase well I just can't.

You can, but you have to accept that it will be a challenge to begin with. Maybe even really really hard.

But if you don't make positive practical changes then you are just wasting all your potential on negative thinking and living.

Do it. Make changes. Start small but start somewhere.

Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 23:02

Hi ILoveTiffany think the small change I made today was more to do with attitude than action. I looked at the garden and decided that yes in time by working away at it that I will eventually get it under control. Bought gardening gloves today and going to spend time working in it tomorrow.

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GypsyMoth · 11/06/2010 23:05

wish i could show you the 'before' and 'after' of my garden!!

even my dc loved the satisfaction...and 4 years on,are proud to still tell everyone who visits! so good for you!

plans for the weekend?

Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 23:06

When you say tough love MorrisZapp what do you mean? Do you mean just do things to improve my life and no excuses.

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MorrisZapp · 11/06/2010 23:07

Well it's a great start. Do stuff that will yield the maximum impact for minimum input. Don't know how bad your garden is but we tamed ours in a day and it looks amazing now, and gives us a real sense of pride.

Do things that will get you nearer to your goals. Think about them, and then do them.

Original poster
desiretochange · 11/06/2010 23:11

ILoveTIFFANY Have long overdue hair appointment in the morning and from there haven't made any other plans. Any plans yourself?

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