To want to change my life

[desiretochange]

Have had enough of feeling old, tired, overweight and stressed out. Just can't seem to get a handle on anything. I work full time, am separated over 12 years but have no life so to speak. I want to change so much about my life but am completely overwhelmed because every area needs total overhaul.

Almost forgot . . have plans to spend time in the garden

Sorry if that sounded bossy. You sound a lot like my mum who is in a bit of a life rut too, and I wish somebody would just tell her to get up and get on with it.

Sometimes I think that 'support' in the sense of 'oh you poor thing' etc actually makes these problems worse, if in fact there isn't a real reason why you (or anybody else in a similar rut) can't just make it better by making changes themselves.

I'm projecting a bit, but I think it's a fair general point.

i have to ensure my dd does an hour long walk towards her duke of edinburgh,so doing that with her...some gardening,clean the car....boring mundane stuff...oh,and i think theres a few men going to be playing football on other side of the world,so will watch them for a bit!!

MorrisZapp Definitely going to take your advice on board, so going to try to figure out what I want to change and then work out how to achieve that (no excuses).
ILoveTiffany no escaping the World Cup!!

Tough love means no excuses, definitely. I don't doubt that like everybody else, you have your insecurities, your demons, your past etc and that sometimes it would be easier just to say 'well my life is shit, and it'll always be shit so why bother', but if you choose that path then you have to recognise that it is a choice you are making.

I'm no expert, particularly with mental health, I'm only going by casual observation, especially of my mum over the years.

You can choose to live with crap hair, a messy house and an overgrown garden by all means. It is your choice. Or you can change those things, and the positive feeling that will give you will almost certainly make you feel better and strong enough to tackle the seriously hard stuff like the smoking and any relationship issues etc.

My mum has wasted years of her life sucking on a fag and telling any passing person all the many reasons why she can't be expected to clean the house/ do her work/ get fit/ take up painting etc etc etc.

Don't be like that. Be the person who gets up and makes it better.

best advice i ever read, in terms of practicality and effectiveness, was to do one unexpected thing every day. so take a different route to work, listen to a different radio station, talk to somebody new... you start small and build up if you want to. just little jogs out of your normal routine can give you a little bit more zest for things that spur you on and get you back in touch with yourself, weirdly, by making you leav eyour comfort zone.

Beginning to get a good understanding of tough love now that's the type of thing I need to be hearing to make me get up off my ample behind and make things better. Cheers Morris Zapp

omaoma have read before about the benefits of stepping out of your comfort zone but the thought of it terrifies me.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions . . going to get up off my backside and change my life for the better day by day! Feeling brigther this morning. So today it's time for long overdue haircut and spending time in the garden.

good girl! MZApp said some good stuff,

today is the first day of the rest of your life, yada yada

but totally agree that small steps are acheivable and make difference

Weekend went a bity awry and didn't achieve much. Gave myself a strong talking to you yesterday evening and started healthy eating regime this morning. Also on day one of Champix so hopefully am on the road to change.

Hello desiretochange

Just want to encourage you to keep trying today. One piece of advice that helps me when I'm feeling a bit crap is: just try for today. Be gracious to yourself about yesterday and don't promise anything for tomorrow, but as long as it's today, you can try.

Can I also second people's advice about gardening? It's quite healing to sit and weed/plant/water for an hour or two, you can see an instant result and the physical activity makes you feel better - well, it does for me anyway. I planted some chard at the weekend and felt very peaceful...

Every day that you do something good is a bonus - well done for what you've done today!

Thanks Lizkin really appreciate your advice. Giving my all today and not even going to think about tomorrow.

Managed to get the loan of a strimmer so going to attack the garden this evening after work

How did the gardening go DSC?

Sorry DTC .

desiretochange - I know the feeling!

You have to start on the easy things ("quick hits") and, bit by bit, once you have got them on track and under control and, critically, can maintain the direction you have taken, work on the harder stuff.

It sounds as if you don't get enough sleep or enough exercise, and that maybe your diet isn't good enough. Maybe you should first work on re-engineering your self-care routine? If you had more energy, all sorts of things would become possible.

CWWM Friend dropped down strimmer last night but no cord in it. Got cord during lunch break so will tackle garden this evening (hmm)
Bonsoir That's my biggest problem at the moment,have so much I want to change that am convinced I need to see some instant results before I believe that the other changes will follows when I put in the effort. Not sure that makes sense (confused)