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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to leave a playgroup/drop in because of Peppa Pig?

56 replies

SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 14:34

My son likes Peppa Pig. He got into it when he was about 2, he will be 3 in September. He doesn't really watch it anymore to be honest - sometimes he'll see an episode if we put "Milkshake" on in the morning on Channel 5, but that's about it.

But, he likes to snort like Peppa Pig. Fine, not a big deal, and I have been enduring it for nearly a year now. But lately, I am thinking he's of an age where he can at least stop snorting when I ask him to. I dont mind if he does it occasionally in context or during role play or something, but I am now at the point where he is old enough, I feel, to not go up to old ladies in the street and make snorting noises at them. He also snorted loudly during the middle of my daughter's baptism a couple of weeks ago. Its not just a quiet little snort...it raises the roof. Anyway.

So we were at this playgroup thing this morning and he started with the snorting. He did it a couple of times and then I said, okay, thats enough now please. But he kept doing it, ran away, went up to a little girl and did it right in her face, and she started crying (it might sound silly but its actually quite an uncouth and potentially intimidating noise)

I gently pulled him aside and said, if you do that again, we'll go and stand outside, as people dont like it, etc. He did it again, so we went outside for a few minutes and I used the time to explain to him that it wasn't really a very nice noise, that it made the little girl sad, and that he shouldn't really do it if I say not to. He said he wouldn't do it again and we went back in.

Long story short, he kept doing it, I took him outside a couple more times, but was starting to find it rather stressful so on I think our 3rd time outside, I said, right, we are going back in now, but if you do it again, we are going home. He said "I dont want to go home" so I said, okay, dont make the snorting noise then and all will be well. He said "I wont".

We went back in, he made a (fairly quiet this time) sneaky snort noise just to see if I'd notice, I said, remember - we will go home if you snort. So he looked at me in the eye, and let out the (loudest ever to date) snort and then ran off. So I calmly went and retrieved him and put him in the car.

I got the impression that one of the other mothers there thought that I was being unreasonable. Bearing in mind he had made a little girl cry, nobody was enjoying the noise or joining in, it was disrupting the other activities and he deliberately did something I had specifically asked him not to do having received a warning of what the consequence would be, was IBU?

OP posts:
colditz · 10/06/2010 14:37

I think, all noises and perceptions aside, he didn't do as he was told and you were right to stand by what you said you would do.

jamaisjedors · 10/06/2010 14:37

You warned.

He pushed you.

You followed through.

YANBU

jamaisjedors · 10/06/2010 14:38

I am giggling a little though (and I have a DS who does a pretty loud dinosaur roar at inappropriate moments )

Iklboo · 10/06/2010 14:38

Nope - you were carrying out your threat. You asked him to stop or you'd go home. He didn't stop. You went home.

EveWasFramed10 · 10/06/2010 14:40

You gave him far more warning than I would have given mine...my son gets two warnings, at the third one we go. So far, we've only had to leave one pub one time (without dinner, which was hard, but it's the only way he would get it.)

So no, you weren't being unreasonable...he had more than enough time to correct his behaviour.

When you go next time, a simple "Now. Let's remember what happened last time" should pretty much suffice.

Ineedsomesleep · 10/06/2010 14:41

If you just yelled at him or smacked him that would be unreasonable. You explained why he shouldn't do it, you warned him and he still did it. Glad you followed your threat through.

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 10/06/2010 14:42

I think you were being very reasonable. If I could fault you at all I would say you were probably being too reasonable. I would have dragged him off home much sooner. I don't give so many warnings- no more than two. I probably would have raised my voice too and not talked so 'calmly' to show I meant business. But I do get cross when I feel my buttons are being deliberately pushed over and over again.

lamplighter · 10/06/2010 14:44

I could hug you - you warned him, he pushed it and you did EXACTLY what you said you would do.

I wish more parents would follow through with the threats when their DC's misbehave. It is an excellent way for them to learn good manners and right from wrong.

Huge pat on back

Otterlybotterly · 10/06/2010 14:44

Sloany, I feel for you - but your post was hilarious and made me laugh (and snort, actually). Hope you get it sorted and your little chap finds a quieter obsession...

Hullygully · 10/06/2010 14:45

While I do think it is of course a good idea to follow through on warnings - it does seem rather an odd thing to object to. Perhaps if he was 45, but 2?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/06/2010 14:46

YANBU, you are being a good and consistent parent. Boundary well and truly outlined

grapeandlemon · 10/06/2010 14:48

I think you did the right thing totally

pjmama · 10/06/2010 14:51

Sounds textbook to me!

He also sounds exactly like my 3yo DS, who is systematically working through pushing every single one of my buttons on a daily basis to see how much he can get away with.

It's very wearing and I feel your pain!

SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 14:52

That's partly why I issued him with the "we'll go home" ultimatum on the 3rd visit outside - it didn't seem to be working to be removing him and explaining etc. I was starting to look like a fool so I had to go in with something harder, like going home. I chose going home because it had actually got to the point where if he didn't stop doing it, I didn't want to be there anyway. And I thought it would work. But he called my bluff which turned out not to be a bluff at all!

I go to these mind numbingly boring and suburban drop ins for his benefit, not my own, funnily enough (I wish he realised this!)

I got the impression my friend thought I was being unreasonable, not because of following through my threat, but that I was trying to stop the snort in the first place. But I really think its up to the individual parent what behaviour they allow their child to get away with. If he was running up to old ladies in the street and sticking his tounge out and going "nnneeeerrrrrrr" then I'd stop that too. The snort, whilst not quite the same thing, could be perceived as nearly as rude - its a really horrible noise which out of context is just plain rude. I wouldn't let him willy-fiddle or pick his nose in public either. If he can stop that, he can stop snorting as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, I dont care what the other mother thinks as such, I dont really feel the need to justify to her why I wont tolerate that kind of thing in certain social situations, its down to the individual. But I thought Id run it by you all to see if I was missing something fundamental in how I handled the situation in general and sounds like I did okay! Thanks all.

OP posts:
HurleySatOnMe · 10/06/2010 14:53

I can see that you followed through on the threat which is a very hard thing to do, and totally the right thing. I have a friend who threatens and threatens and never delivers and her child is as a result a shit handful, but really, he was snorting. Yes, annoying, especially if you have to listen all day. But my heart kind of breaks for the little man all the same

jamaisjedors · 10/06/2010 14:54

Maybe he WANTED to go home and was as bored as you?

TiggyD · 10/06/2010 14:55

YANBU
He would still be snorting at 45 if they had done nothing.

Well, maybe not.

But if you say something and don't follow it through it teaches them that you don't really expect them to do what you say.

Nothing drive me crazier than:
"This is your last chance"
child does it again
"This is you last warning"
child does it again
"I'm warning you"
child does it again
"I mean it this time"
child does it again
"Once more and you're in trouble"
child does it again

RiverOfSleep · 10/06/2010 14:55

I think you did brilliantly.

Never mind the judgey mum - (a) she doesn't have to live with the snorts and (b) whatever you do theres always someone who'll judge you either way.

Oh and (c) she might not have been judgey at all, just nervous or a bit awkward or trying to show support/solidarity and got it a bit wrong. (But I do always like to think the best of people.)

Hullygully · 10/06/2010 14:57

Who are these parents who don't follow through??? I've never met one.

Habbibu · 10/06/2010 14:59

Oh, I have, Hully, and she and her children drive me insane...

Hullygully · 10/06/2010 15:01

Habby darling! Haven't seen you for yonks.

The closest I've seen was a poor woman who had had terribly strict parents and wanted her dc to be free spirits. Well that worked a treat.

xstitch · 10/06/2010 15:03

Big clap on back for sloanypony, you did the right thing.

Habbibu · 10/06/2010 15:03

Mwah, Hully. You've been talking to me, you just didn't know it!

This woman and her husband are both actually v nice, but lack self-awareness to the extent that they ignore the fact that their son is very rude, and then have the gall to tell us how to discipline dd. Or they tell her off themselves.

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 10/06/2010 15:05

OK. I think you are right to follow through with threats. However, I'm not sure an 'if...then...' strategy is the only one you could have used.

I do feel for the little guy and wonder whether:

a) ignoring the snorting completely and giving attention to non-snorting would help make it disappear
b) snorting is a way for him to cope with social anxiety - could you brainstorm ways to help him if so
c) it might be useful for him to face the social consequences of making an annoying, upsetting sound - consequences dished out by society, not you - for example - girl crying, others being annoyed, others saying something, etc.

Good luck!

Hullygully · 10/06/2010 15:06

Did you get a gong in recent times, Habb?

Yes, these people were v nice too, but oblivious to the fact that every time their ds was out of sight with another child, the other child came back bleeding..

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