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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to leave a playgroup/drop in because of Peppa Pig?

56 replies

SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 14:34

My son likes Peppa Pig. He got into it when he was about 2, he will be 3 in September. He doesn't really watch it anymore to be honest - sometimes he'll see an episode if we put "Milkshake" on in the morning on Channel 5, but that's about it.

But, he likes to snort like Peppa Pig. Fine, not a big deal, and I have been enduring it for nearly a year now. But lately, I am thinking he's of an age where he can at least stop snorting when I ask him to. I dont mind if he does it occasionally in context or during role play or something, but I am now at the point where he is old enough, I feel, to not go up to old ladies in the street and make snorting noises at them. He also snorted loudly during the middle of my daughter's baptism a couple of weeks ago. Its not just a quiet little snort...it raises the roof. Anyway.

So we were at this playgroup thing this morning and he started with the snorting. He did it a couple of times and then I said, okay, thats enough now please. But he kept doing it, ran away, went up to a little girl and did it right in her face, and she started crying (it might sound silly but its actually quite an uncouth and potentially intimidating noise)

I gently pulled him aside and said, if you do that again, we'll go and stand outside, as people dont like it, etc. He did it again, so we went outside for a few minutes and I used the time to explain to him that it wasn't really a very nice noise, that it made the little girl sad, and that he shouldn't really do it if I say not to. He said he wouldn't do it again and we went back in.

Long story short, he kept doing it, I took him outside a couple more times, but was starting to find it rather stressful so on I think our 3rd time outside, I said, right, we are going back in now, but if you do it again, we are going home. He said "I dont want to go home" so I said, okay, dont make the snorting noise then and all will be well. He said "I wont".

We went back in, he made a (fairly quiet this time) sneaky snort noise just to see if I'd notice, I said, remember - we will go home if you snort. So he looked at me in the eye, and let out the (loudest ever to date) snort and then ran off. So I calmly went and retrieved him and put him in the car.

I got the impression that one of the other mothers there thought that I was being unreasonable. Bearing in mind he had made a little girl cry, nobody was enjoying the noise or joining in, it was disrupting the other activities and he deliberately did something I had specifically asked him not to do having received a warning of what the consequence would be, was IBU?

OP posts:
CoupleofKooks · 10/06/2010 15:08

if you really think he has got the self-control not to do it when asked (this would vary wildly age 2 IMO) then YANBU
it sounds like you were gentle and calm but firm

sometimes however i think we ABU to expect little children to be able to resist temptation - this was possibly the case here?

Habbibu · 10/06/2010 15:09

A gong? Are you the queen?

Hullygully · 10/06/2010 15:11

Were you ennobled, dear gel?

What do we think about dc neighing persistently on the bus?

NormaSknockers · 10/06/2010 15:11

YANBU.

You gave him a warning, he pushed, you carried out the punishment. I would have done the same.

Regardless of what he was doing you asked him not to dosomething, told him what happen if he continued & he pushed his luck. Sod what the other mums think you were sticking to your guns.

Good on you I say!

Tryharder · 10/06/2010 15:11

My eldest son who's 5 (so no excuse) does a horrendous snorting noise as well. About a week ago, his grandad told him that if he carried on doing that, his nose would turn into a pig's snout. It's worked....no snorting at all since then.

But your way sounds like an example of perfect parenting from a "how to.." textbook so I really wouldn't worry

ChippingIn · 10/06/2010 15:18

Gold star for you!! You did well, I'd have been at the 'If I hear that once more we are going home' stage, well before you!! It's a rare but lovely thing to see other parents following through with their threats!

HurleySatOnMe - your heart breaks far too easily!! The 'poor little chap' was deliberately being a little snort sod, well old enough to do as he's told!

Habbibu · 10/06/2010 15:28

Oh, yes I was, Hully!

SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 15:28

Is it an odd thing to object to? I guess its down to personal opinion and taste/thresholds. Its hard to get the context across really. You might be surprised how loud it is. Also, he's not standing alone doing it, he goes up to people's faces and does it right in their face (which is probably why the other child cried).

Also, if there is plenty of noise and other activity going on in the room, and nobody is bothered by it, I probably wouldn't have felt the need to say "that's enough now, please" etc. But the context was that not only had he made another child cry, but we had then sort of gathered on the mat with a view to having a story or song or something.

I guess, like anything, there is a time and a place. He's allowed to make a fair bit of noise at home, in the park, etc - but there's a time and a place, I feel, and if he can follow other instructions well, then I feel he should be able to follow this one when asked.

Bear in mind he's closer to 3 than 2. He's fully potty trained, dry at night, talking in full sentences, and even reading a bit. His level of understanding is there. I think he was deliberately testing me, which is healthy and normal at that age.

He gets a pretty free reign to be himself and express himself the majority of the time. For those who suggested ignoring it, we've been doing that for the past 9 months or so, to no avail. So recently, if its not really "appropriate" for want of a better word, we've been saying, okay, that's enough now please, lets try not to snort again until we are outside, or at home, or in the car, etc, and he'll say "okay" and not snort. Which is what was SUPPOSED to happen today!

Damn that pig. I'll roast her on a spit.

OP posts:
hettie · 10/06/2010 15:28

don't think yabu at all. Fwiw my son has a tendancy to roar (like a monster/dinasour) in kids faces. He is 3 too.....he gets 2 warnings and time out if he doesn't stop when it is intimidating others kids. And sorry, but social consequences for a 3 yr old how an earth is the other 3 yr old girl going to get across her social consequences. And anyway at this age that kind of method has no imapct what so ever, toddlers lack a developmental skill called 'theory of mind' (basicaly understanding that others are thinking in a differnent way to themselves). Unless I repeatedly tell him and reinforce it in my sons head he lieks roaring in faces so everyone else must too

Morloth · 10/06/2010 15:31

YANBU, he was warned.

On the other hand can you please make sure he continues running up to old ladies and snorting? That sounds hysterical!

SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 15:35

Oh year I've come across the roaring in faces thing. It doesn't go down well with more sensitive children.

See I tend to gauge other people's reactions to determine whether behaviour is appropriate. I've noticed a bit more lately that when he does it, I'm getting some pretty negative responses from quite a wide range of people, both "types" and ages. I think what is changed is that he is older now, and looks older, he's very tall for his age, and I think he's just got to that level of development and height etc that people just dont quite expect it.

I dont like it, they dont like it. At best, its rude and intimidating.

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 15:36

Oh Morloth. it does tend to wear thin after a while.

He ran up to a very large lady in the supermarket when we were on holiday recently and did it. She really did look genuinely offended, as if he was trying to tell her something

OP posts:
whatname · 10/06/2010 15:41

my DS does exactly the same!
and the dinosaur/tiger
and some silly Ben Elf thing

of course you weren't being unreasonable.
But if he has been doing it for nearly a year, it might take him a while to get out of the habit!!
Good luck!

SolidGoldBrass · 10/06/2010 15:42

I've done the same thing with my DS a time or two (not for snorting but for other repeated naughtiness such as pushing other kids). You were right.

DelGirl · 10/06/2010 15:44

I had a peppa pig moment last week. We were add a theme park waiting in the queue for 30 mins by this time to meet and greet peppa. We had caught a very small glimpse of her/him.

DD was pulling on the rope fence and a couple of times i'd asked her not to as I was worried a small child may get rope burn as it was nylon. Anyway, later on, the steward said for children not to touch it but dd did. I said if she did it again we would go home. She did it again whilst looking me straight in the eyes! In hindsight I think the punishment didn't fit the crime as she'd waited quite patiently for 30 minutes. But i'd said it and had to carry it out.

Queue a few tears but I waas glad to go. We have a season ticket so I hadn't forked out extra money.

I can now refer to that if she does other stuff but it doesn't always work.

BalloonSlayer · 10/06/2010 15:47

You did the right thing.

But I am sitting here singing to myself

"Pe - ppa Pig >" now thanks to you.

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 10/06/2010 15:48

Hettie, many researchers believe children develop a rudimentary theory of mind at 2-3. If they are able to know that mummy isn't pleased (which they certainly are), they are able to understand that others aren't pleased.

I didn't advise mum to not use the 'if...then' (followed-through) approach, but to also consider context. Mum can help point out others reactions in addition to following through on her own threats of consequences and removing him from the environment.

My son used to roar at people and it was a challenging period.

Mum, I trust you know your child and are doing the right thing. You asked whether YWBU which means you are open to further ideas.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/06/2010 15:49

hully - you obviously moved in < ahem > well-disciplined circles. People round 'ere are always threatening and not following through (and I'm not talking about bottom-burps)

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/06/2010 15:50

Sloany - YANBU

SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 15:51

I am definitely open to other ideas.

Regarding the ignoring thing, that is actually a very effective method even at this age but the trouble is, if he's halfway across the room doing the snort to someone else, I may be ignoring him, but they will ALWAYS give him the reaction he wants.

Adults too - they feed it by going "oh my goodness!" etc etc - so even if I ignore him, everyone else feeds it by reacting!

OP posts:
slouchingtowardswaitrose · 10/06/2010 15:59

Sloany, I can sympathize re others not ignoring when I am doing so, so studiously!

Had a v, v bad sitch the other day when another mum gave negative (and humiliating) attention to something I was ignoring, setting off a chain of events that was not pleasant for anyone!

I agree though, following through on threats is so important and so very effective!

honeymom · 10/06/2010 16:11

If you said you would take him home for doing it then you were right too follow through, however snorting seems a bit extreme to make the threat in the first place What ever happened to kids just mucking about and being silly and stupid you'll probably find by drawing attention to this behavior it is making it more of an issue

SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 16:15

Maybe, Honeymom - bear in mind though, he was the only one snorting. Everyone else was gathering on the mat for a story. And he made a girl cry, which is really what made me in that situation say, okay, that's enough.

Do you think I should have let him go up to her and do it again in the name of kids horsing around?

OP posts:
TheChicOfIt · 10/06/2010 16:17

YANBU but I must admit I did have a little giggle .

ColdBunny · 10/06/2010 16:20

I think you did the right thing. I had to ban Peppa Pig in our house for 3 months when DS was about 2. He got into the same snorting habit and it was getting out of control and driving us mad. By the time he got out of the silly snorting habit, he was not interested in PP anymore.

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