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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit - can't think of the word..

49 replies

Sexonlegs · 10/06/2010 07:57

This October half term, we (dh and 2 dd's) are going away for a week on a big family get together (there will be 32 of us incl aunts, uncles, cousins and cousins children) - all on my side of the family.

This has been planned and booked for nearly a year.

Dh's friend has just announced he is getting married on the Saturday that we go away, and is looking in to going.

I can understand this guy is a good friend, but I am a tad hacked off that I will have the kids and luggage etc and be without him for perhaps 2 nights of the holiday. I appreciate I will have family around, but it is not quite the same. Also just the slight embarrassment of him not being there when it has been arranged for such an age.

Also, the cost element.

It will be an extra c £100 for the flight, and probably £80 ish for the airport car parking.

Thoughts??

OP posts:
differentID · 10/06/2010 08:04

How close a friend is he and can you afford the extra money.

if he's not a best buddy or you will struggle to find the money for the extra, then dh needs to put family first. tbh, I would hope that dh would choose his children over his mates any day.

belgo · 10/06/2010 08:05

Let him go to his friend's wedding. You will cope and your family will understand.

belgo · 10/06/2010 08:07

Especially as it's only two nights that he will be missing of the big family holiday.

I'd be desperate for any excuse not to go to a big family holiday, sounds like my idea of hell.

Weta · 10/06/2010 08:09

If he's a fairly good friend and you can afford it, I think he should go. It's only a couple of nights and you'll be busy with family (plus they will surely help entertain the kids etc).

redredwhine · 10/06/2010 08:10

YANBU - your DH should put your family arrangements first. If this guy is such a good friend how come he arranged his wedding on the day he knew you would be going on holiday? If he's not such a close friend, why is DH keen to go and upset long-held arrangements?

Tortington · 10/06/2010 08:13

i dont see why his friend would necessarily know about your family gathering - and evenif he did, why it would factor into HIS wedding arrangements.

i think its fair enough - he gets to go to the weding andcome to the family gathering.

EveWasFramed10 · 10/06/2010 08:15

If it's a good friend, he should go...why should you be embarrassed? It's an unexpected event that came up! It's a great thing that your DH is able to do both.

squeaver · 10/06/2010 08:18

At first I thought you were going to say he'd miss the whole holiday, but 2 nights (at most) is fine.

Really, really wouldn't bother me. People should go to their friends' weddings if they can.

And why be embarrassed? If you were a member of my family I wouldn't think anything of it.

thesecondcoming · 10/06/2010 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 10/06/2010 09:03

I think your DH should go, if you can afford it. It's in October - that's ages away, the friend has given you lots of warning.

I don't see how/why your family would judge you or your DH for taking the time out of the holiday to do this, and if they are the sort who would then I wouldn't want to spend a week with them in the first place.

squeaver · 10/06/2010 21:09

...and she never came back...

Original poster
Sexonlegs · 10/06/2010 21:40

Sorry, has been a hectic day.

I am really interested in your feedback.

So, even though this one week holiday (to Portugal) has been booked for nearly a year you think dh should go to the wedding.

I am really surprised.

OP posts:
nancydrewrocks · 10/06/2010 21:46

YABU - weddings are (hopefully!) a once in a lifetime experience and therefore trump family holidays.

I would have absolutely no problem with my DH going to a wedding in these circumstances.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/06/2010 21:50

Let him go if you can afford it. A holiday with 32 family members or any big gourp would be my idea of hell!

ReneRusso · 10/06/2010 21:51

It really does depend on how close a friend it is. Best friend? Then YABU.

moominmarvellous · 10/06/2010 21:52

I wouldn't be that fine with it. I'm all for married couples doing their own thing and don't believe you should be joined at the hip, but if it were me I'd say we already have plans that weekend, end of.

Likewise, if friends wedding were booked first, then the holiday was suggested, that would take priority as it's already been agreed.

Habbibu · 10/06/2010 21:54

Yes, I'd let him go - there will be so many people around you'll have help with the children, you've had plenty of warning about wedding, and it's credit in the bank for when you want to do something.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 10/06/2010 21:55

I agree, it depends on how close a friend it is. If it's a good friend and you can afford it and your DH will only miss two nights then I think it's absolutely fine for him to go.

Original poster
Sexonlegs · 10/06/2010 21:56

Moomin, that is kind of where I am coming from.

I am a bit disappointed that people seem to think a family holiday would be so awful. Dh really gets on well with my family; perhaps I am lucky.

OP posts:
Revelry · 10/06/2010 22:00

I wouldn't have a problem with him going. It's only 2 days. I can't see what's embarrassing about him not being there tbh. I suppose the only thing is if the friend isn't that good a friend, and you think he's using it as an excuse to avoid being with you/your family.

squeaver · 10/06/2010 22:01

But it's not the whole holiday he's missing is it?

How close a friend is it? Do you have an equivalent female friend? What would you do if it was her?

Original poster
Sexonlegs · 10/06/2010 22:11

The guy is a good friend.

I have said dh can go.

I am not sure what I would do if the shoe was on the other foot and it was my friend. I am a bit of a stickler for once an engagement has been made, then I tend to stick to it rightly or wrongly.

OP posts:
KodakTheBat · 10/06/2010 22:16

Hmmm... tough one. I think only your DH can decide, and you need to be equally supportive whatever he chooses.

Alouiseg · 10/06/2010 22:18

Gosh, he must be delighted that you have "given your permission".

TheFallenMadonna · 10/06/2010 22:21

The family get-together... Is it your family or his?

'Cos I would be miffed if DH left me alone with his family. I'd still think he should go to the wedding, but I'd be miffed.