To Think You Shouldn't Have To Ask Your Husband's PERMISSION To Do Something?

[midori1999]

I was speaking to a friend this morning. She mentioned she had been asked away by a couple of other girlfriends for a weekend in Spain at one of their Mum's villa's. She was keen to go, but asked her husband who said 'no way', yet he frequently goes away for weekends/longer under the guise of his second job, which is also his hobby.

I just don't get this. I realise in a marriage things like this must be discussed with the other person, but surely grown adults, even in a marriage, do not need the other persons permission to do something they want to?

Like others have said DP & I have to check with each other if we want to do something, just to make sure that there is someone available to be DC's taxi service/Chef/Laundry Service.
If you are in a partnership(marriage) you should never be asking for permission but you should be seeking mutual consent not making unilateral decisions IYSWIM.

We have one pot of money which he does manage, but only because someone has too, not so he can control it/me and anyway I put in a fair proportion. I have access to all the records and accounts and can do it but it is part of our household job split.

Very sad that your friend, midori1999, is unlikely to do anything to change the situation. Her affair ought to have made them buck their ideas up, and highlight how her somewhat selfish husband is making her unhappy, but clearly they've put blinkers on, 'for harmony' and it will take an atom bomb to shake them up enough to sort themselves out.

GoEngland - "I don't really understand when people pride themselves on never asking dh permission or needing to give him permission for anything"

I think there's just a very thin dividing line between 'getting permission' and 'consult with' and while you express your situation as getting permission, others might deem it simply consulting to ensure harmony.

Dh often asks me 'am i allowed to do X Mummy'

which is just another way of asking if we have the cash for it to be ok or not.

usually, the answer is yes. I ask the same thing of him, though as he is lss aware of our financial standing, he jsut tells me to aask myself...

i think if you really are aking for permission, rather than an opinion, then that borders on the 'controlling' kind of relationship.

We always ask each other about going out purely to make sure that someone is around to watch DS but otherwise it's not an issue. DH always has to ask me because I write everything down in my diary and without it he'd probably forget where he lives!