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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel resentment towards my in-laws over baby name

39 replies

bebespain · 08/06/2010 22:51

DS2 has just turned one. I have never been happy with his name, it doesn´t suit him and it´s very similar to DS1. When I announced his original name the in-laws were very disparaging and stupidly I let them talk me out of it.

I really regret it now and don´t know who I blame more - myself for having no backbone or them for being so rude... They are coming to visit in a few days and I feel like telling them what I really think.

Ah, I knew I shouldn´t have looked on the baby names topic tonight - it´s all going round in my head now

OP posts:
luciemule · 08/06/2010 22:52

what's your DS name now and what did you want to call him?
YANBU - it was mean of them to be so rude.

scurryfunge · 08/06/2010 22:53

Does he have a middle name or nickname you could use instead?

luciemule · 08/06/2010 22:54

that's a great idea.
Or, as he's only 1, you could offically change it. Strange I know but I can't imagine not liking my child's name.

Original poster
bebespain · 08/06/2010 22:56

His name is Alex and I really wanted him to be Elias, to me he even looks like an Elias

No middle name to fall back on

Somebody on baby names was asking about Elias and it has brought it all back to me - grr

OP posts:
LordVolAuVent · 08/06/2010 22:58

They were BU to be disparaging about your choice of name but you were U to listen and change it to one you didn't like. How odd.

I can't see there's anything you can do since he must respond to his name by now. No point starting a fight a year later, best to just get on with it.

Or force a new nick name on him I suppose - my aunty always used to call my uncle Fred. His name was David. Nobody ever really knew why.

LordVolAuVent · 08/06/2010 22:59

So what is DS1's name that is similar? Alec? Sorry [nosey emoticon]

luciemule · 08/06/2010 23:02

Alex is lovely (it was on our list right up there). I honestly think that a child becomes thier name, no matter what it is.
LVAU is right - could be confusing for ds now to change his name.

Dollytwat · 08/06/2010 23:03

think you need to be quick www.ukdps.co.uk/CanABirthCertificateBeChanged.html as it needs to be done within 12 months of the date you registered the birth

Herecomesthesciencebint · 08/06/2010 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

luciemule · 08/06/2010 23:03

I do really know it's their and not thier!

Is Alex short for Alexander and if not, could it be. would Alexander suit him more do you think?

KurriKurri · 08/06/2010 23:07

Sacha is another nickname for Alexander, if you decide to go the nickname route.

Imarriedafrog · 08/06/2010 23:07

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Imarriedafrog · 08/06/2010 23:07

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scurryfunge · 08/06/2010 23:08

There are so many possibilities with Alex....that would be one of my choices...Lex,Lexie, Sandy (love Sandy)...stick with it and enjoy your son, regardless of in laws.

Amapoleon · 08/06/2010 23:11

I'd never thought about them sounding the same until you said.

I can't see you on my msn you have disappeared. Am on facebook if you fancy a whinge

anyabanya · 08/06/2010 23:11

Elias is lovely... is one of my choices too.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 08/06/2010 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 08/06/2010 23:13

change it - screw 'em

Amapoleon · 08/06/2010 23:20

Have you got him a UK birth certificate? Maybe you could add a middle name on there. Also they only sound a little bit similar in English.

hairytriangle · 08/06/2010 23:21

I know someone who changed their sons name at one . It was fine!

ChippingIn · 08/06/2010 23:25

If you want to change it, you should. At one it isn't going to mean anything to him, yeah he may respond to it, but they respond to a lot of 'words' at that age - it gets them attention! He doesn't understand that it is his name in the way an older child would.

Don't blame yourself - blame the pregnancy hormones!!

ChippingIn · 08/06/2010 23:28

Ummm but as that wasn't the question you asked....

Fence sitting on YABU/YANBU, they shouldn't have said anything other than 'Oh how lovely' when you told them the name and you shouldn't have agreed to change it, but PIL's will be PIL's and pregnancy hormones are hard things to battle against! I wouldn't say anything though as it's not really their fault you weren't able to just ignore them!!

(But now you are back to normal - change it if you want to!!)

specialmagiclady · 08/06/2010 23:38

Disclaimer: I got this information from Jilly Cooper so it may actually not be true.

I believe that in Romany culture a child has a secret name that only the mother knows. I sort of have this with my "Elias" name for DS2.

Sometimes I look at my boy and just whisper very quietly the rejected name (by inlaws, outlaws, friends but I still wish I'd called him that...)

Maybe you could do that?

As for the PILs. It was rude, but if you continue to be angry with them about it then they've doubly won and they're controlling your mood, not you. DYSWIM?

mellifluouscauliflower · 08/06/2010 23:41

I wouldn't change it.

What will your son think everytime he fills out the "have you ever been known by any other name" box or has some bureaucratic difficulty with the passport office? It will be about you and it probably won't be favourable.

Keeping with Alex means he will scarcely give it a second thought ever.

Anyway - Children have a way of transending even the most unpromising of names (not that Alex isn't a lovely name). Like my friend Doris at school. She was really cool and that made the name really cool too.

anyabanya · 09/06/2010 06:22

This may not be a solution you are happy with, but can you change him to Elias Alex and call him 'Eli'. PILs will think it is short for Alex 'Ally' and not take any notice and then it is eventually a done deal. Or the other way round. (Alex Elias -still Eli)

I know of someone who had her name changed when she was about to go to school, because her parents just hated the name they had chosen. She said it was never any kind of problem for her (and her current name really suits her.)