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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel resentment towards my in-laws over baby name

39 replies

bebespain · 08/06/2010 22:51

DS2 has just turned one. I have never been happy with his name, it doesn´t suit him and it´s very similar to DS1. When I announced his original name the in-laws were very disparaging and stupidly I let them talk me out of it.

I really regret it now and don´t know who I blame more - myself for having no backbone or them for being so rude... They are coming to visit in a few days and I feel like telling them what I really think.

Ah, I knew I shouldn´t have looked on the baby names topic tonight - it´s all going round in my head now

OP posts:
EmmaBemma · 09/06/2010 06:53

They were rude to try to talk you out of your original name but you have to take responsibility for letting them. In your situation I think I'd be cross with myself, not them.

savoycabbage · 09/06/2010 07:00

This sort of happened to be as my dh pushed me into our dd2's name when I was reeling from the birth. She is 3.5 now and I am still not used to it or loving it.

I understand why people think its strange that you can't like your own child's name, as this is part of the reason I went along with the name for our dd. I thought I would grow to love it. I haven't and I regret calling her that and sometimes, even now, when people ask her what she is called I want to say ' mu husband chose it' or ' I wanted to call her xyz'.

backtotalkaboutthis · 09/06/2010 07:13

custardo was pithy and sensible

change it

belgo · 09/06/2010 07:15

I'd probably try and talk you out of Elias and say go for Alex instead.

This is why you shouldn't listen to other people!

You should change the name if it means so much to you.

maktaitai · 09/06/2010 07:21

You and your dh are the parents. Don't ask our opinion. [negates the point of MN]

You need to forget about what your ILs said and focus on whether or not YOU are prepared to take on changing his name and whether or not you think it's the right thing for HIM. Then think Disraeli: never apologise, never explain. Just do what you've decided and don't look back. You'll be amazed how few people comment when you just tell them what you've decided.

It seems quite common on here for this issue to come up. I can understand it actually as I was never happy with Dh's massive shortlist of ONE girl's name and though I think I would have grown to love it, it would have been a gamble.

Original poster
bebespain · 09/06/2010 08:37

Thanks everybody! Sorry I disappeared last night, Elias Alex woke up!

Things are probably more complicated as I live in Spain and DS2 only has a Spanish birth certificate, I doubt very very much that I could change his name here, I reckon its pretty much unheard of. And any form of paper work here is a nightmare

Maybe I shall go down the nickname route...and the secret name, I like that very much

maktaitai - I really like your advice, thanks

I feel a bit silly bringing this up after a year, I know there are more important things to worry about...but...and that´s the problem...

OP posts:
Amapoleon · 09/06/2010 09:39

Jilly Cooper or not, i love the secret name idea.

jacksgrannie · 09/06/2010 10:14

Best to forget why you chose the name (you really can't blame this on the in-laws, it was your decision). Agree with Belgo. FWIW, in my view Alex is a lovely, timeless and strong name, which will be great for an adult as well as a little boy. But if you really want to call him something else, do it soon before he is much older or it will be very difficult.

BessieBoots · 09/06/2010 10:21

I love Elias too [unhelpful emoticon]

JeezyPeeps · 09/06/2010 12:46

If it's good enough for the Royal family... Prince Harry is legally Henry, but has always been known as Harry.

Just call him Elias, no need to change his name on his birth certificate.

oldandgreynow · 09/06/2010 19:06

Harry is a widely used pet name for Henry though isn't it.Like Jimmy for James.

Alex is way way way nicer than Elias.Classic timeless name

Morloth · 09/06/2010 20:41

We have an Alexander and I call him Lex.

Why not whack Elias in as a middle name and then use it?

My Dad went by Jim, but his name was Dennis James.

thisisyesterday · 09/06/2010 20:44

if it is affecting you this much then change it!

i know he is one, but a friend of mine did this and even though her baby was one they let them change the birth certificate still rather than having to do it by deed poll

thisisyesterday · 09/06/2010 20:44

if it is affecting you this much then change it!

i know he is one, but a friend of mine did this and even though her baby was one they let them change the birth certificate still rather than having to do it by deed poll

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