to think that women dress primarily for other women, not men

[baskingseals]

A few weeks ago I went to a 'ladies that lunch' sort of do. Every single women was dressed up to the nines.All fragrant, coiffered and obviously dressed with a great deal of thought and attention. There were no men at this do at all - it was a charity lunch. What also really struck me was all the glances and self awareness, they wanted to be looked at, and also look. Found it very interesting as I had always thought that it was a given that women dress to attract men, but now feel that actually it's mainly for their own and other women's benefit.

AIBU?

Either that or doing it to themselves feel good.

I think you're probably right. I mean, I like to get all dressed up when going out with DH, but why am I bothering the rest of the time? I think it's partly that I feel and act more confident if I'm nicely dressed (or at least wearing clothes that flatter) but it is often for other women - I'm certainly not trying to attract men! Most of the mums at DS's kindergarten always look fab and I feel really frumpy and horrible sometimes when I'm doing the preschool run so am trying to do something about it. I think it's a self-esteem thing.

Sorry just realised how incoherent my ramble sounds!

No. I think that men don't notice what you're wearing (unless your tits are showing ) the same way they don't notice your hair, hell, you could shave it all off and tattoo your bald head and your bloke wouldn't notice. After a month or 2 he'd probably look at you sideways and think "I'm sure she used to wear glasses".

women compete with other women. Women criticise women in a way that men never do! Who is it who is so critical of 'fat'? Not men. Ok, if you are at one extreme or the other then you'll get it! But anywhere in the middle and most men don't care.

sisterhood. It always cracks me up when I hear women banging on about it. "What about sisterhood?", they wail, when a woman has done something terrible to another woman. Ha. There's no sisterhood in any way shape or form. example - If you get 2 women together they'll have a quick chat and say bye. If you get 3 together they'll be there hours because none of them dare be the first to leave!

Hmm.

Is it for benefit, or is it competition?

I dress up for me because I love dressing up, feeling good and looking like a woman. I love wearing clothes I feel sexy in, I love wearing heels I love wearing make-up, I love it when I've had my hair done. I like putting outfits together. I loved it when I went back to work because it gave me an excuse to dress up.

You should never have "best" clothes, you should wear all your clothes often and whenever you feel like it.

Ok I lie, if my DP is back for the weekend I wear really nice underwear for him, but I love the kick out of knowing he enjoys looking at me in it

I feel sick.

Not at my post?

I fucking knew my sister was posting here.

The only person I dress up for is my dad. When I was going through my black leather/pvc years (oh...the memories!) he always used to moan that I didn't buy Laura Ashley dresses

Women do compete with other women- for male attention.

but if no males about?
why then?

most men find most womens fashions and makeup styles a complete turn off anyway.They detest plastic nails, too much make up, leggings, fake tan the whole sjp look.Most men prefer au naturel.That is why I am on the whole a jeans and t shirt girland I feel i look better this way as well, more Kate Humble style than wag slagbut of course each to their own.

yeah i definitely agree, women are generally competitive, bitchy creatures...i agree with what hecate said "women compete with other women. Women criticise women in a way that men never do! Who is it who is so critical of 'fat'? Not men. Ok, if you are at one extreme or the other then you'll get it! But anywhere in the middle and most men don't care"

and i also think that they compete with eachother for the attention of men.

No, You don´t understand.It´s like this:

There are women who dress for men (women who wear clothes that are sexy and fitted and make them feel attractive, likes of Cheryl Cole, Nicolette Sharidan, or Nigella even. It´not about looking fashionable, it´s about looking your best and most sexy). Dress style: Clingy dress, big hair, cleavage, or mini skirt.

Also, some women dress for women. Then it´s about (competitive)"fashion" rather than plain attractiveness. Ie SJP, SamCam etc. Men scratch their heads in wonder, but women Oh and ah. Style: weird hat or accessorie, shoeboots and expensive bags.

And some women dress for warmth and sod everything else , ie girls living in the mud ....ehm I mean, the countryside.

Aye exactly Chandon. SJP typifies this. Women adore her quirky style, men think she looks like an emaciated horse.

The whole 'pressure to be size zero' thing is women/ gay men versus women. I don't know any straight men who are attracted to very thin body shapes as a rule.

Modern fashion - jeggings, weird shoe-boots, gaga eye makeup etc - has absolutely nothing to do with attracting male attention and everything to do with impressing others who 'get' fashion, ie other women and their gay pals.

I dress for ME, what I want, when I want. May explain why I'm never up there in the fashion stakes

Women should buy more clothes that will fit their husband when for when the husband is left alone for a while.

chandon has it exactly. put me in the slutty camp

Havent read all the thread but I dress mostly for other women and myslef. This is because I have some very odd ideas on ranking etc. Difficult to explain but there you are. I wonder if it goes back to a being top dog type thing.

newlease - do share your "odd ideas on ranking"

i am intrigued!!!

i dress so that I am not naked

Today I have on a long black maxi a colourful scarf, boyfriend cardi.Dh knows he will get some action, more to do with the bottle of wine I brought back from clothes shopping.rather than what I am wearing,

I do see what you mean, but personally Ihave never felt that i am competing with female friends for male attention - that sounds both depressing and exhausting

god that wasn't a reply to you darkandstormy!

I too want to know about this ranking thing...

I dress for myself
i like funky clothes
I have my own style, in fact i like it best when I get funny looks from other women for not being conventional!

men also like those who get stuck heartily into their food and drink. so that is me sorted