To feel very guilty that my son 3.7 yrs has tooth decay?

[AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong]

In one of his molars right at the back. There is a tiny black mark - we have just been to dentist and she said 'watch' to the nurse.

I am very annoyed at myself, and I feel guilty too. I am ashamed if I am honest. I put so much effort into making his diet healthy - all the food groups, all vits and minerals, that I have overlooked how much sugar has been on his teeth.

I asked the dentist if I made some changes and made sure he only has sweets once a week and no biscuts or ice lollys (these are the culprits I think), can it be saved and she said it won't get any worse, but it cannot get better. I just do not want him to have to go through the ordeal of having a filling. I am disgusted with myself. My poor innocent little boy and I have let him down.

Hubby and I have agreed on some changes to the house hold to prevent any more damage. I just hope we make it until his next teeth come through, and then at least the good practices we put in now will prevent any problems with his big teeth.

Thank goodness for a second chance or I don't think I could live with myself very easily.

Watch fruit juice, my dentist went mad when I said dd had fresh fruit juice for breakfast

you need to get this in perspective.

You have not let him down.

Be careful about being too strict on his diet, I personally don't think this helps build a normal healthy relationship with food.

It's hot and it's summer, ice lollies are good sources of fluid.

Fruit juices and dried fruit are also potential sources of tooth decay - everything in moderation, but don't be too strict.

Luckily he only drinks cows milk and water from an adult style cup. Before that, cows milk and water in cup with lid free flow. Mainly water. I thought I was doing Ok, that's why I am so distressed internally!

I am trying to act all cool, but inside, I feel awful.

belgo - yes, thats the approach I thought I had. I have obviously go to review moderation! I do feel I have let him down though.

My DD4 has got 3 baby teeth that apparently have an 'enamel deficency'(sp?).
One had a little hole in the back.
Of course, i was mortified and felt very very guilty, although she doesnt particulary eat sweets, and no fizzy pop etc and we are thorough with the brushing.

The dentist said that it could be that when I was pregnant i had a cold which could have affected hr development by leaving an enamel dieficency, so even a tip top diet could cause problems as there is no protection to those particular teeth

stop feeling bad! Some children's teeth are more prone to decay then others.

He does not need a filling; it's just a black spot that needs to be watched.

Tooth brushing with an appropriate toothpaste twice a day is important (twenty minutes after last food/drink intake - too soon afterwards and the brush just brushes the food deeper into the teeth).

As long as you are doing this, don't beat yourself up about it.

I agree with Belgo.

If it helps, our dentist said that some people are more susceptible to tooth decay. See it as a chance to be more vigilant about teeth cleaning and don't get panicked about the odd sweetie or ice lolly.

Do not make sweets a once a month treat, you will just make him more desperate to have them and set yourself up for more hassle when he is older.

Well yes you have let him down so yanbu for feeling guilty. How often does he clean his teeth and do you make sure he does them properly?

Think about having the teeth fissured sealed. You can get it free sometimes if the child has proven susceptibility to decay. Otherwise you can pay. It is basically white plastic that fills in all the little crevasses in the big back teeth and prevents food/plaque getting trapped there.

I brought up both my children on the same diet btw - one has just one filling (aged 17) the other has had at least 5 plus a baby tooth removed. And I was an absolute Nazi about sweets, drinks etc. Some kids just have Teflon teeth and others are vulnerable. Not your fault.

Your best bet is to get him to swill his mouth out properly with water, or have a good drink of water, whenever he has eaten anything corrosive to the teeth. Teeth should also def be cleaned after breakfast rather than straight on waking, to sort out the fruit juice issue. The others are right, you haven't let him down, and don't let this skew your whole relationship with his diet.

Calm down - I worked in dentistry for years and saw a lot worse than a simple 'watch'. There were some parents I could have cheerfully throttled!

he main thing to remember about a child's sugar intake is not the quantity but the frequency. If your DS has sweets then make sure he eats them all at once or puts some away for the next day. A sugar attack lasts approx two hours - if your DS has a sweet every two hours there is a constant acid attack going on.

Finsh the sweets and then brush. The same goes with drinks. A sweet drink at lunch time then chocolate buttons at three pm do not give the PH levels time to drop. Also at night when he has his last teeth brushing do NOT let him rinse his mouth with water. Keep the toothpaste there. It does help.

You sound like a lovely mum, just take extra care on that area - it has probably just been missed whilst brushing.

alwaysmeanwell - i totally understand how you feel. my ds who's 2.8 has bits of tartar on two of his front lower teeth and i feel so ashamed.

he only drinks water / cows milk and we religiously brush his teeth twice a day. we saw the dentist who told me not to worry, that what is important is about establishing a routine and getting some fluoride in them in the toothpaste at this age and that these teeth fall out in time.

these things do happen and i agree, some kids are just more susceptible. i've made a resolution that only fruit with meals (not in between), but to give savoury snacks in between. it's so difficult - i've avoided salty foods quite a lot, which leaves sweeter foods like fruit, yoghurt etc.

Some children are somehow far more susceptible to tooth decay than others. DD1 (11) has had appalling problems - one second tooth went rotten within 6 months of breaking through and needed filling, and that's when the dentist accepted there was a problem beyond not brushing properly or too much sugar.

DD2 (8), by contrast, who has the same brushing routine and similar diet, has never had a problem and gets praised by the dentist each check-up for her 'excellent toothcare'. I've had to stop taking them together because DD1 gets so dispririted.

Don't beat up on yourself - your son needs your support now if he really does have weak enamel. And well done for using free flow lids - one of our friends let her baby go to bed with a teat bottle filled with water and the kid had appalling tooth decay by 2 - it was sucking on the teat not the water that did the damage.

Once a week for sweets after swimming, biscuits at wed and fri playgroup. Biscuits when we are out, lollys when we are out - but i am not buying them in the freezer as he can sneek them.

Brush teeth 20 mins after breakfast and tea - wilco belgo.

I hate too strict diets I think it does cause problems. I just need to review mine and hubby's take on moderation. Give myself a break. I strive for perfection as a mother, that's a big problem, no one's perfect! That's tough, because it's built into my nature!

I can spell dispriririted, honest. Haven't even had anything to drink...

This is another example of where parents these days are just so much more careful than 30 years ago, yet beat themselves up about it so much more - you sound great OP, to put so much thought into his diet. When I was a kid it was perfectly normal to have any number of fillings by the time you were 4 - parents then were really crap.

watch out for sugar in fruit dd2 never had sweets or juice but had awful teeth, I ended up asking the dentist about all the fruit she ate and he said it probably was the cause.

Do not beat yourself up -my friend's son had to have some teeth removed before he started school. She was always very strict about sweet foods and drinks her children have ready brek for breakfast with no sugar or honey poor wee mites.
My point is sometimes people have strong teeth and sometimes they don't; looking after them and their diet helps, but if you're child's teeth are susceptable you cannot prevent it entirely.

Bless you for being so upset about this!! I've worked in infant schools and have seen many kids with baby teeth almost completely black and rotted away. They are the neglected ones, not your little mite!! Try not to stress, I'm sure you are a lovely mum!

And = as BlauerEngel says, some children are more prone to tooth decay than others. One of my sisters has no fillings, the other has about ten. Both were treated the same as children.

Cows milk is full of natural sugars that people tend to forget about and give their children after they have brushed their teeth in bed. this is a major cause of tooth decay says my dentist.

he eats a lot of grapes, bananas, rasins, melon, yoghurt - ah I thought - low saturated fat, low salt, 'good' sugars - bloody hell - should just let him eat blooming rice cakes!

I will ask dentist about fissures being sealed thanks. I have very sensitive teeth - I only have one filling at 27 so I am doing OK luckily. My brothers got terrible tooth decay on the same diet as me so perhaps the male gene has some sort of susceptibility?

Anyway - I am resolute to get my act together without going over the top. But I still feel terrible and probably will for a long time.

at least your DS is drinking water, more than I can say for my 3yo.
I give him cups of half water/half fresh fruit juice (orange/apple) throughout the day. He will occasionally drink semi-skimmed milk but not very often.

Going to speak to dentist tomorrow to find out if what I'm doing is right/wrong. I have no idea.

Please don't beat yourself up about it. You sound like you are doing a fab job already and it can happen to anyone.

grapes, bananas, rasins, melon, yoghurt

carry on letting him eat all of that, they are all good things! Just watch the raisins, they are probably the worst for teeth.

Each of my children ended up with grey dead front incisors. Because they all managed to bash them and kill them. It looked dreadful as the dentist didn't take them out (apart from DDs) .

I comforted myself with the thought that baby teeth are for practising with

pdancer - We do clean his teeth for him after he has had a go and he knows all the sides, fronts, backs up downs etc. He uses our tooth paste. I have probably missed it one or two times over the years if he fell asleep clothed downstairs and I put him in bed, but mainly brush well.

I think they are called milk teeth for a reason. Milk (whether breast, formula or cows) is packed full of sugar. They fall out for a reason as well.

Just do the best you can. I would be willing to bet my DS has more sugar than yours but he has perfect teeth, all of my family do it is genetic.