To feel very guilty that my son 3.7 yrs has tooth decay?

[AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong]

In one of his molars right at the back. There is a tiny black mark - we have just been to dentist and she said 'watch' to the nurse.

I am very annoyed at myself, and I feel guilty too. I am ashamed if I am honest. I put so much effort into making his diet healthy - all the food groups, all vits and minerals, that I have overlooked how much sugar has been on his teeth.

I asked the dentist if I made some changes and made sure he only has sweets once a week and no biscuts or ice lollys (these are the culprits I think), can it be saved and she said it won't get any worse, but it cannot get better. I just do not want him to have to go through the ordeal of having a filling. I am disgusted with myself. My poor innocent little boy and I have let him down.

Hubby and I have agreed on some changes to the house hold to prevent any more damage. I just hope we make it until his next teeth come through, and then at least the good practices we put in now will prevent any problems with his big teeth.

Thank goodness for a second chance or I don't think I could live with myself very easily.

My DSs buy a smoothie with their school dinner everyday which caused one of tehm a lot of problems.
But some kids are just more prone.A couple of DS's molars (milk) came up greyish and terribly sensitive because they had no enamel on.
Strangely he had 2 sets of 'baby' teeth though and the second set were fine

what do you mean, two sets of baby teeth?

Some people get a second set that falls out and then the new ones come in. It is also very rare but not unheard of for elderly people to get another set of teeth.

I have extra teeth. Teeth are weird.

I know how you feel I had the same with my DS. I thought I was doing the right thing. He had a filling but as it is only a baby tooth he didn't need any drilling. I had a white filling so you couldn't see it. I agree don't beat yourself up about it. Wait until he brushes his own teeth.

also, some peoples teeth are genetically not very good - mine are terrible and I do not have a sweet tooth at all - mine are like my Dad's teeth. Dh's teeth are like steel on the other hand. I alos had a friend that had a tub of sweets by her bed and drank coke in the night when she woke up - never needed anything doing me - drink water no sweets, always needed something doing!

Thanks, lamplighter - useful tips. DS (2) has brownish 'staining' on his teeth that brushes off (with considerable effort and fuss ) but I fret about it. He's seen the dentist twice now for check-ups and they're happy, but he eats fruit several times a day, as well as guzzling dilute fruit juice and squash. And he still goes to bed with a bottle of milk.

I hate beating myself up about giving him an essentially healthy diet - fruit and raisins and juice - god, when I was a child, these were never Wicked things! I know I'm in denial though.

You are rather a lovely mum to be so worried.

Mind you, I had perfect teeth until age 15, and now they are terrible - I've just spend about a grand on non-cosmetic tooth repair! So having lovely healthy baby teeth is no guarantee the grown-up teeth won't have problems, and certainly having a tiny spot on a baby tooth isn't the end of the world.

Btw, I have been told by my dentist that you shouldn't eat more than 1-2 apples a day. When I was a child I used to get through them like there was no tomorrow, but apparently they are one of the worst things for teeth!

Be careful using adult toothpaste as my daughter hasn't got any fillings age 15 but has flouridosis which is from ingesting too much flouride from the toothpaste, and she used milk teeth toothpaste.
It has left her adult teeth mottled with white flecks and nothing can be done.

We use Milk Teeth Toothpaste but rinsing is improssible with a 2 year old. How vital is it to rinse after brushing?

my ds has had awful problems with his teeth - just had to have one extracted today as it was so bad he is 7 and i know we did actually fail to look after his teeth well enough, so you can imagine i feel pretty crap about it

HOWEVER
my dentist is fab and she said although there were a lot of things we could change in the future, she does everything right with her dd's teeth, and her dd still needed a filling
so needing to have treatment on your teeth does NOT mean that the teeth have not been looked after properly
it sounds like you have done a perfectly reasonable job and have just been unlucky
lots of snacks of fruit between meals are a problem if teeth are vulnerable, we've been advised to space out snacks and instead have lots of sips of water which helps with oral hygiene

I've got three children - 10, 7 and 4. They eat sticky sweets every day after school, drink squash and often go to school without brushing when we are running late. None of them have any fillings or decay, despite the fact that my dd's (10) teeth were so flipping mossy because of her slap-dash brushing that the last time we went to the dentist she suggested I take her to the hygenist.

It's a bit of a mystery to my why my children haven't got tooth decay.

My D's had a filling. Its not desirable but it is v different for kids, no injection nothing, ds didn't even realise, I too feel awful

DD1 has terrible tooth decay...and yes I feel really guilty every time I think about it.

We were told last week by the dentist that apparently crisps are 1 of the major causes...

Some people are lucky and have stronger teeth than others. I, for example, have loads of fillings (to my shame) and my DH has only one. But we eat the same stuff and both guzzle too much sugar - if anything, him more than me actually. Doesn't seem fair but there it is.

I agree with those who have said not to make sweets a huge treat - it's the fastest route to an eating disorder if you ask me.

Anyway, they're baby teeth - you can start again and do better next time!

I really wouldn't get too upset about it. Some children have imperfections in the enamel, from illness, antibiotics and so on. Your child may have just had an imperfection on one cusp which has led to this dark patch.

marypoppins apparently you DON'T rinse any more! We have a toothbrushing lady who comes into school - water just washes away/dilutes the fluoride, kids are told not to rinse! I hate not rinsing though, tastes yuck to me, but I never let DD rinse.

Raisins are probably the culprit. They are full of sugar, stick to the back teeth, so if you dont brush after eating them, then they will eat your teeth so to speak.

A friend of mine had the same, cleans ds's teeth twice daily. Thought she was giving him a nice healthy snack in a box of raisins to take to nursery. He had to have two fillings and the dentist blamed the raisins.

Dont beat your self up, sounds like he has a great diet.

I realised this morning that I couldnt remember the last time I brushed dd 2.3's teeth .

I know how it feels, DS2 is only 18months and the 4 front teeth at the top are really bad, think he must of chipped one or two of them, they are grey and the two right at the front have decay on them.
It is really noticeable and he is a very smiley boy. Everyone always says he has a nice smile which makes me feel really paranoid.
He doesn't have a bad diet, doesn't drink juices, only breast milk and water, fruit wise he doesn't really eat citrus fruit, but he would quite happily eat raisins allday if he had the chance, so that probably doesn't help.

DS1 whos four has teeth that are fine, used to be fussy about brushing, has quite alot of sweets (i cant always control this when he is with his dad, aunty etc) has fruit juice/smoothies. Still has wysoy all throughout the day and at bedtime!

I've had the dentist say watch on a few of my teeth before, and now a few years down the line they seem to fine, haven't had anymore work on them, and all check ups have been ok.

YABU don't feel guilty about it(i know its hard not to). Its not your fault you brush his teeth, make sure he eats ok. Unfortunatly its just one of those things and i guess all you can really do is just keep brushing.

Crisps and other snacks that are starchy (rice cakes) are really bad for teeth too. They stick and hold to the teeth and are not easily brushed away. The saliva converts to sugars.

Dont beat yourself up about this at all, YANBU!

yes, don't beat yourself up, I work for a dentist and had a 3 year old in getting 10 teeth out due to decay once.

Having slept on this, I am a little less guilty. Thanks to all for the well needed perspective. I have taken all your advice and considered it, and on the whole, it is sound and I have added it to my list of things to do to ensure the problem does not get any worse.

I am also going to be a little more careful with my DD 6 months than I was with DS and hopefully avoid this with her, but without being totally restrictive, just a little less liberal with the treats and more conscientious with the brushing from an earlier age.

I was expecting to be hounded, but it seems that it is more common to make mistakes as parents than I realised and everyone does it. It is such a minefield trying to balance a healthy attitude to food and the real world availability of 'bad' food ie. treats.

I do not feel quite so ashamed now, but it is not something I feel ready to admit in the real world.

dont beat yourself up, you tried your best

at least these lot will falloput and you have a new set to be even more vigilent with

Oh goodness, do not beat yourself up! I am not half as careful as you and my ds's have never had a filling, ds1 is 13 now. Some people just have better enamel than others and get away with more.

Thanks Caz10!!

My daughter's 6, and a month ago had ALL her molars treated under a general anaesthetic, including two root canals. I got very, very tired of explaining to a selection of dentists that no, she doesn't swill coke all day and no, she has 'Friday sweets' once a week after school and yes, she brushes her teeth with an adult to finish off the corners, and I have a 10 yr old eating the same diet who's never had any treatment at all, and yes, I know all the rules about frequency of sugars rather than quantity being important, and no, I AM NOT A NEGLIGENT MOTHER!

It's just one of those things. My daughter has brown hair, blue eyes, skin that tans really easily and crap tooth enamel - it's just genetics a lot of the time.