GRRR please help me stay calm and rational

[DalbySun]

Just had a phonecall from DS's school. He was injured in an unprovoked attack by another student. The word she used was "headbutted".

He's 11 and has had trouble on and off from a small number of shits kids for years. He normally shrugs it off, accepts that he's different and may attract arseholes but to headbutt him???

School assures me its been dealt with. They obviously didn't tell me who'd done it but DS will when he gets home and if its the same little bastard that has been at him all year, I'm going to find it very hard to be rational/sensible/mature etc etc.

What would you do/react etc to stuff like this?

(and yes I did call a child bad names, I really don't give a shit about any PC bullcrap, he's 11, he knows what he's doing).

I don't blame you for being cross at all, Dalby, but you are doing the right thing by trying to stay calm and rational.

If I were you, I would request a formal meeting with the school to discuss the problems that these other children have been causing for your ds, with specific reference to the headbutting incident. You have every right to know what the school is doing, and plans to do about this problem - and I would want firm reassurances, not vague promises.

I have, before now, contacted ds3's school to say that I considered a particular incident to be an assault, and that I had contacted the police for advice, and had been told that they would take the matter further if I asked them to. This got a very quick response from the school, and the incident was resolved, though not to my entire satisfaction (but I was realistic enough to accept that what had been done/achieved was sufficient).

I hope you can get this resolved for your son - I was bullied at school, and have since found that I was by no means the only one suffering the same way at my school. My parents did nothing about the problem, and dismissed my pleas for help, and I feel that my ongoing depression is rooted in this.

In contrast, my dh was also bullied at school, but his mum took decisive action, and as a result, I believe he has suffered no longterm damage from it.

Your ds has you in his corner, and that will mean such a lot to him, I promise you.

I would feel exactly the same as you if someone was hurting my son emotionally or physically. I'd want to go and have strong words with his parents. My first instinct would be to threaten the boy with violence! But you can't do that. He is just a child. He's clearly got many negative influences in his life and is a product of his poor upbringing.
Could the school hold a meeting between you and the offending childs parents?

I agree with Altinkum.

Thanks for the advice on this thread. If you havn't seen my other one, the kid headbutted DS and punched him over and over again in the face ... all in front of 4 teachers. DS is developing a black eye.

Have spoken to police who said it would be treated seriously if I reported it as a assault - so one more step wrong and I'll have the little shit up on charges.

School actually agree with me, which suprised me. He's been suspended until Monday but I still think he should be permanantly excluded personally.

have you photographed your ds? Just to make sure there is a record of the injuries he's sustained? Poor him, poor you! Hoping you can have a calmer evening. Virtual tea and a bun heading your way!

I would report to the police too. That is a serious assault, far more than typical playground namecalling.

your poor ds.

My brother's high school would call the police on any child that had physically assaulted another person, parents were not even asked. it was part of their anti bullying policy. I think that is the correct approach.

He did this in front of 4 teachers? why on earth did they not intervene prior to it reaching such a level?
at the very least they are witnes to what he did.

even if police decide not to continue with a prosecution it will be on this boys record in case of future problems.

Take photographs, and take him to A&E so that all is documented. Take the photos to the police and a record of the A&E attendance with the date time and name of doctor.

Report to the police as assault and put all in writing to the school.

If no action taken, tell the police you want to press charges, and copy all to the board of governers and the LEA.

Did the school do nothing? This is disgraceful behaviour, I agree with others re A&E and the police.

Get this sorted out now for your sons sake.

Report it as assault to the police. TBH you might be doing the little shit bully a favour as his out of control behaviour will only get worse if not confronted.

I would actually be very angry that school claim tyo have dealt with the matter.

at 11 he is criminally repsonsible and they should at the very least have asked you if you wanted to matter taken to the police. it is just good practice.

I would be so angry. I am so angry on his behalf.

Definitely report to the police as an assault.
There is a big difference between a playgroung scrap and headbutting and repeatedly punching in the face.

Its easy to assume this child is a little shit! as some people put it and that they have parents that are rubbish but that is not always he case. My DS was bullied althrough year 5 and 6 at primary school by 2 brothers who hit him at school and would get him on the way home and at weekends ( he was a prisoner in his own home)Any way when my son started high school in sept he was in trouble twice for fighting on one occassion the parent rang the police and my son got a good talking to( which i agree he should have been) The school treated him like a trouble maker putting him on report and calling me in and speaking to me like i was a piece of shit. I then arranged councelling for my son and they wrote a report to the school saying my sons behaviour was because he was bullied so bad at primary school that he had gone to high school determind it was not going to happen again and began hitting anyone who threatened him.
Please dont get me wrong i am not condoning my sons behaviour but sometimes there is more to it than the child being a little shit.

I agree it sounds awful and i am sure the child and parent is very destressed.However i was just stateing that things are not alway as they seem. My son had never been in any trouble before and then from no where i had 2 or 3 months of being in trouble. And being treated like scum from the school.

YANBU.

Teach your son self defence. There is bound to be a sports centre nearby that takes martial arts classes. This is a long-term solution, useless in the short term I know.

This is a boy thing, and needs to be sorted out in the appropriate manner. When your DS learns how to deflect a punch and totally disable his opponent, people will really think twice, three times before hitting him again. The police, teachers, all manner of diplomacy between parents will possibly sort it out, but I am afraid that in the playground, those things just don't matter. If someone hits you, you hit them back, harder. They won't do it again.