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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To never let MIL have unsupervised access to dc

45 replies

slushy06 · 08/06/2010 11:02

MIL has lost every child she has been charged with including her own and braggs about it. One of her ds was in a newspaper. I have seen her looking after SIL's Ds when he was 3 and she walked into Tesco let go of his hands and let him run off I was sweating buckets he was missing for 20 minutes before she even started to help me look for him. By which time I had alerted staff and we were on the security camera's and everything.

MIL is also a alcoholic and again thinks it is funny boasts about how she drinks a bottle of tesco value vodka a night. When I had ds I said MIL could come in straight after the birth she knew I was in labor but turned up drunk after chucking down 10 coffees and DRIVING to the hospital. All the photos she took are blurred and shaky. (She admitted this to my mum)

Thirdly she does not respect my wishes when dd was born I specifically stated no one was to give ds a row. MIL normally will tell him off which I hate but because I had asked her not to she went out of her way to shout at ds firstly shouting' Don't run around you are going to make mummy really poorly if you do that she has just had a baby you know'
Then when I was home ds was trying to talk to her and she screamed 'get the fuck outta my face I want to see the new baby'

Dp had popped out for something (cant remember what) so it was only her and me So I stood up up and shouted 'you evil old bastard hag get the fuck out of my house right now' . I know I should not have spoke like that in front of my dc but something snapped and I lost my temper.

I also have given her two chances when she is in a good mood I let her have ds in tescos while dp was looking around at something else she lost ds in 5 minutes and when dp retrieved him she grabbed his wrist and yanked it hard, which caused a huge row between them.

Secondly I was talking to SIL while heavily pg on dd ds was running round I went to go back in the house with him when MIL offered after 5minutes she got bored and came back in the garden. So I waited 5 minutes not to seem obvious went in and checked ds was outside (she had left the door open for some air) at the end of the street about to go onto a main road .

Now MIL currently does not look after ds and is not speaking to us because of it and SIL is very angry about it and accused us of calling her a bad mum because she leaves her two ds with her. Would you let MIL look after ds I don't and to be honest never will. But the events above except for the losing of kids and alcohol (which is evening only) are rare occurrences but they do happen AIBU what do you think?

OP posts:
slushy06 · 08/06/2010 11:03

Sorry I doubt I will get any reply to this one it is so long .

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/06/2010 11:05

If this is all true, YADNBU. Even if half of it is true, YANBU.

feedmenow · 08/06/2010 11:06

I don't think I'd leave her in charge of my children!!!

MarthaQuest · 08/06/2010 11:06

YADNBU-she doesn't seem fit to look after a dog let alone a dc!

Booboobedoo · 08/06/2010 11:07

Is this real?

If so, I don't think you need to ask.

slushy06 · 08/06/2010 11:08

Believe it or not she hides most of it so dp and my family don't see a lot of it only some and so they think I am being harsh and over exaggerating, when I am not that is how she behaves when there is no one around. Thanks I can be a little precious and I know I am so try not to be and I find it hard to know if I am being over protective or not

OP posts:
SPBHatesFootball · 08/06/2010 11:09

dnbu

slushy06 · 08/06/2010 11:10

I have let her take care of my dog for one night for me to attend a wedding and I was crying my eyes out and phoning every hour to check on him, I will never leave her in charge of someone again.

OP posts:
ILoveFrogs · 08/06/2010 11:10

YANBU!

funnysinthegarden · 08/06/2010 11:12

what a nightmare, deffo NBU

rewardgirl · 08/06/2010 11:12

YADNBU....
And well done on calling her a hag for speaking to your child like that - disgusting!

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 08/06/2010 11:12

I quite agree with you, and think SIL may well a crap mother to leave her kids with this woman. My MIL is an alcoholic, ( although DP and he would disagree). I stopped DP leaving the kids with her when they were small. She is not a bad person and loves the kids, but after we left her to babysit one night and she left an empty brandy bottle behind as she staggered to the car, enogh was enough! Her defense was that it was only half full of brandy, she had topped it up with red wine!
Your MIL sounds like a horrid woman who takes pride in her neglect. Leave her to it. Next time she drinks and drives, report her to the police.

DRAGON30 · 08/06/2010 11:13

Never leave your children alone with her. You will be offending a stupid, irresponsible drunk, so who cares? And as for DRIVING when she was still pissed!! What kind of person is she,- she could have caused a mass pile-up. You sound like a decent, considerate mum, so do the right thing, and ignore her (and SIL's) complaints. She does not deserve to have a responsible place in your family's lives unless she changes her behaviour.

PortiaNovmerriment · 08/06/2010 11:14

You were crying your eyes out over the dog?

How wrong can that situation go?

But I wouldn't have anybody around my children, let alone in sole charge of them, who swears in their face and does all the things you described. I don't think I'd be keen to speak to them myself, tbh.

waitingforbedtime · 08/06/2010 11:16

I wouldnt let her see my kids.

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 08/06/2010 11:17

I'm sorry for making light of this all but blimey;

"you evil old bastard hag get the fuck out of my house right now"

This has to be the best example of expletive use I've heard for a long time.

YANBU, btw.

slushy06 · 08/06/2010 11:17

Ds is very attached to his dog and she has no fence around her garden, I said my dog was not to be let in the garden unaccompanied and I had visions of having to explain to a devastated ds why his dog had gone. It being my fault would have killed me.

OP posts:
slushy06 · 08/06/2010 11:20

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5I was amazed myself that I managed to stand up and shout it at her and muster the strength to look enforcing as dd was born less than 24 hours ago.

OP posts:
TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 08/06/2010 11:25

"evil old bastard hag" is still making me snurk now. It really is excellent. And 24 hours after giving birth? Hats off to you.

EvilOldBastardHag
Someone should take it as their MN name.

MrsGravy · 08/06/2010 11:35

HELL no YANBU!! I wouldn't leave her in charge of a goldfish.

slushy06 · 08/06/2010 11:39

I have allowed contact so far because I am scared to stop her seeing ds because she does have a lot more money than me, I have no proof for her behavior except my word and my mothers account of the drinking, (Are the photos proof), Dp has witnessed a little (but barely anything)and I am afraid she will try to get access to my dc and the courts will grant her grandmothers rights and I will have to leave my dc in her care.

Also it is hard to believe that someone is this bad one minute and nice the next and I have been waiting for her to slip up and show her true colors to dp. Going to pick ds up from school a minute I will answer any questions when I get back.

OP posts:
flossielimejuice · 08/06/2010 11:39

No she is totally unsuitable to be left unsupervised with a dog never mind a child.

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 08/06/2010 11:50

Is there such a thing as grandparents' rights, assuming that a child's parents have custody of them?

I've heard of grandparents having dealings with social services when their GCs have been taken into care, but I don't think I've heard of grandparents being granted access rights in other circumstances.

Hopefully someone better informed will come along and put your mind at rest on that score.

Eglu · 08/06/2010 11:58

YADNBU

But how has she managed to hide it from her family so much?

Also don't think you were unreasonable to call her an eviloldbastardhag under the cirumstances either tbh.

TakeLovingChances · 08/06/2010 11:58

Slushy is the one with parental responsibility so she decides who is appropriate to see them/look after them.

As for kids in care Mx5 those gps prob have dealings with them because their parents aren't able to care for them properly.

Slushy is trying to do her best, and IMO (as a mother and a trainee social worker) making sure they aren't put at risk by a drunk is part of her giving good care to her children.

Yes, the gran can visit and go out with slushys kids, but if I were her I'd go as well or have another more responsible adult there too.

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