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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The dreaded HV

29 replies

tillywee · 07/06/2010 18:24

AIBU about our HV, she has been over today to see DD2 for 1 year check.

Where to start really...full of criticism from how many teeth she has, the fact that she is not walking.

Also apparently she isn't saying enough words! what is that about? DD2 is 13mths old...since when were they supposed to talk at that age?

Her weight was another one...DD2 is much bigger than my other DC's at that age, can't see what she is on about....DS1 was in the wrong size clothes for his age for a long time.

AIBU to not want someone who makes me feel like a shit mum back in our house

OP posts:
tvaerialmagpiebin · 07/06/2010 18:25

You don't have to see her, you know. Next time she phones up, say politely that you don't have any concerns at the moment but if you need her help you will ring her.

mummysgoingmad · 07/06/2010 18:27

YANBU- If you dont like her and feel she isn't offering any constructive advice or support then i would speak to your gp and tell them so.

I hate my hv everthing is normal to her, even ds having 6 ear infections before he was 1, and being admitted to hospital with a viral wheeze which resulted in him being put on oxygen.

They are there to help not make you feel worse

waitingforbedtime · 07/06/2010 18:35

Criticism about the number of teeth she has?? Next time buy her a set of comedy fangs and shove them in before the HV descends.

pagwatch · 07/06/2010 18:38

I never saw HV at all with DD. Saw midwife and did kind of handover meeting when I explained that they would not be seeing me again unless I had any questions or problems.
It was so liberating
Fricking hate weighing, fussing shit and pleased not to do it ever. I saw the Doctor if I had a problem

Onajourney · 07/06/2010 18:41

YANBU - I had a bit of a run in with our HV (even though with this being the 3rd baby, I hardly ever saw her) when she said my son was "too fat" He was on the top centile for his height and weight so was perfectly in proportion !

She is hugely obese and couldn't stop myself saying "so are you, but you're short with it"

She wasn't happy but she shouldn't have made such silly comments to a very tired and hormonal new mum !

Tryharder · 07/06/2010 18:48

and at Onajourney's comment to HV.

TheCrackFox · 07/06/2010 18:50

Onajourney that is brilliant.

Don't see the HV again. Be polite but firm.

TheJollyPirate · 07/06/2010 18:52

Hello tilly, I am a HV too. Not sure what your HV is on about with regard to teeth .
Speech - personally all I look for with babies at this stage is that they are able to make a two syllable sound - mama, dada, gaga etc and babbling a bit.

Don't understand the weight thing either but then I am not a big fan of centile charts and fussing over normal weights which go up and down a bit.

Walking - some babies don't walk until 18 months and they are fine. I note it but wouldn't worry about it - nor would I be worrying the Mum either.

YABU

Onajourney · 07/06/2010 18:53

Considering we had been told he was more than likely going to be Down's (in the end he wasn't) did she really think I was going to worry about him being fat ?

TheJollyPirate · 07/06/2010 18:53

Meant of course YANBU Has been a long day.

IPredictADiet · 07/06/2010 19:01

I didn't take my DD from 6 weeks. It was clear she was thriving, gaining weight, and meeting milestones so I had no concerns. No-one was in the slightest bit bothered.

We moved when DD was 20 months, and our new h/v was quite insistent that DD must have her 2 year check. I agreed out of politeness. She ignored the fact that DD was thriving, and speaking in clear and complex sentences at the age of two (something the hv herself has yet to master). Instead she fretted over the fact she didn't have "a proper pencil grip", without offering anything in the way of constructive advice. .

I shan't let her in again. Can't quite see the point.

Lonnie · 07/06/2010 19:02

OP YANBU and the HV is something you can OPT OUT Of if you wish to or simply do as said earlier "I have no concerns at the moment and will get back to you if I have any in the future.

MumNWLondon · 07/06/2010 19:21

Let's deal with each one:

  • teeth - well the rate at which they grow in is genetically determined so unless she has rotten baby teeth its nothing to do with her. If she has no teeth might be worth discussing with a dentist perhaps?
  • walking - my DD didn't walk until 18 months. That might be on the slow side of normal but its still normal. Again, totally normal not to be walking at 13 months - if she can't sit up or is not mobile at all (ie no crawling or bum shuffling) then maybe worth discussing with GP
  • words - my DS1 was very quick to talk, but at 13 months he had only one or two words. So no words at 13 months again is normal. No words at 24 months might be worrying.
  • weight - harder for me to comment here as if she was very overweight or underweight this might be a concern for the HV.

I think you should write a letter to your GP complaining that she made you feel shit and her comments about the walking and teeth in particular were totally inapppropriate.

backtotalkaboutthis · 07/06/2010 19:25

not to worry, just don't see her again

we didn't bother at all with the second two

ps you are obviously not a shit mum even though I have never met you

people like that are very damaging to have around and should be avoided at all costs

like having an NHS mother in law

backtotalkaboutthis · 07/06/2010 19:26

another ps: respect to the nice HVs here, I know you are not all the same but my experience has been a bit not brilliant

TheJollyPirate · 07/06/2010 19:31

No backtotalkaboutthis - there are sadly some utter dire ones out there. It's crap if you had one - mine was crap too.

Original poster
tillywee · 07/06/2010 19:58

I agree...there are good HV's out there, just not been my experience.

She has got 4 teeth already, she can bum shuffle like a good un....she can say mumma, no,look,dadda.

She is a chubby baby but definately not over/under weight.

Lol backtotalkaboutthis....it is like having an NHS MIL

OP posts:
TheJollyPirate · 07/06/2010 20:01

Aha! She's a bum-shuffler - that explains why she isn't walking. I was a bum shuffler according to my Mum - walked about 18 months. The children I see who are bum shufflers are the same - about 108 months. Am surprised your HV didn't know this .

TheJollyPirate · 07/06/2010 20:01

Er..... meant 18 months - I did say I was tired didn't I.

SirBoobAlot · 07/06/2010 20:15

The HV told my mum my brother wasn't developing correctly, and had a speech delay because he couldn't say hippopotamus. We taught him to say "water horse" instead

rhinoankles · 07/06/2010 20:21

YANBU, I think you should speak to your GP about her too. I wish I had about my HV with DS1

When expressed concern over DS1's health at 5 weeks to health visitor she recommended that I should 'put some makeup on, and not worry so much about the baby'. In the same conversation she also suggested that I should take DH to the pub, and alluded to the fact that a lot of men 'stray' when new babies are born.. I was so tired and worried I just accepted I was being paranoid rather than questioning her.
DS1 (who was 6 weeks prem) ended up in hospital two days later with septicemia. Still fuming when I think about it now.

TheJollyPirate: come and be my HV for DS2...it would be lovely to have someone who is practical and friendly!

Pozzled · 07/06/2010 20:22

well if she can say 'mumma, no, look, dadda' that's four more words than my DD could say at that age. And now she's 22 months she certainly doesn't seem to have a speech delay, given the way she tries to order us around all the time.

thesecondcoming · 07/06/2010 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllSheepareWhite · 07/06/2010 21:35

HV service is optional just don't invite them back, once I knew DD was gaining wait after 8 weeks never saw another HV. I can take DD to the doctor if I have any concerns. If she has teeth, she is mobile and says that many words she is doing great. Oh and my DD is also big for age and has always been in one size up, babies are all different, love em'. Make a complaint via GP surgery and just enjoy your DD without HV harping on about nonsense.

Original poster
tillywee · 07/06/2010 22:04

Exactly...she is not doing that bad for her age at all.

believe me her weight is fine....i've just got no idea why she feels the need to make up problems.

Yes thejollypirate she did also have a moan about her not crawling and i explained that she has a weird thing about going on her front....screams like a banshee if you try it, no idea why....that earned me a funny look

OP posts: