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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it wouldnt kill my sister to stay with me for a week?

92 replies

fernie3 · 06/06/2010 23:18

My baby is due the first week of August and we have three older children. My dad will look after the three older ones while I am in labour (this is a shock in itself but that's another story). My last two have been a month early because of preeclampsia and I have been todl to expect this one to be induced early too which would put me at early July. My dad has recently found out that he has to go away on business for the first week of July so if the baby is born then I would have to go into hospital to have it alone while possibly not feeling too well as with my last baby.We really dont know anyone else who would look after the older ones.

My sister lives about 200 miles away and doesnt work, has no children and no reason that she cant come and stay for a week so she would be here IF I have the baby then (assuming I havent had it before then as I already have preeclampsia). I have travelled on the bus to see her before now so she knows I would be there in a flash for her.

She is refusing point blank to consider it. Am I being unreasonable to be upset with her?

OP posts:

Cretaceous · 07/06/2010 14:31

But Saslou, everyone is different. I certainly wasn't capable at that age, and was pretty hopeless when I finally had my own children . However, I was a super whizz at maths, and would happily help tutor my sister's children when they were older. We all have different strengths. What we don't know is whether the sister is being unhelpful, or knows her own limitations...

expatinscotland · 07/06/2010 14:43

'OK, bad example, but seriously, we are talking about 3 kids.'

I could not have handled that at 22.

You may find it a piece of piss, but I still find it hard going with my own 3 and I'm nearly 40.

I can't wait to go back out to work FT and be the chief breadwinner, in fact, because I'm just not cut out of this stay at home mum business.

I gave birth on my own once because we decided to have a third child even though we have no support here at all.

My parents live abroad and DH's parents are 90 miles away and in poor health.

But hey ho, we made the choice.

Sure, it's nice when family do help out, but they're not obligated to and if you ask and they say no I'd do them teh courtesy of not pushing the matter further.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 07/06/2010 14:54

I don't find it a piece of piss I am dreading having DS3, but I cannot get my head round someone not wanting to help another person out, no matter how 'hard'. Anything I could physically and mentally do for someone, I would do. Which I why I am always the poor fecker walking my mums dogs and mowing her lawn when I really really can't be fecked, plus find it a nightmare with 2 DSs, being pregnant with SPD, but you just do.

She must have a reason, I cannot get my head around anyone just not really wanting to (and not).

expatinscotland · 07/06/2010 15:08

'I am always the poor fecker walking my mums dogs and mowing her lawn when I really really can't be fecked, plus find it a nightmare with 2 DSs, being pregnant with SPD, but you just do.'

No, you don't just do. You say no. If I were in pain and preggo and had two wee children, I'd honestly tell her no.

And not feel bad or selfish about it at all.

I don't see how this sister is a bad person.

She doesn't want to. She doesn't need to have a reason or justify it.

She was asked, she said no. She didn't swither around.

I don't see where saying no to something makes a person a bad person.

Oenopod · 07/06/2010 15:19

The sister has the right to say no! She is NBU - the OP is BU.

The OP wants her sister to come for a week, a month before her due date, to just hang around in case there is an early showing.... It's not just a few hours.

A week with my nephews, on my own or with their parents there, would drive me to the edge of sanity.

minipie · 07/06/2010 15:21

Could you get an agency nanny or similar for the week?

If that is financially not possible, then I think your DP should look after your other kids. Obviously it would be better if he was able to be at the birth, but if you have other kids that's sometimes not possible.

KERALA1 · 07/06/2010 15:23

I looked after 3 kids (6,4 and 1) when I was 20 in the student holidays and it was hell pure hell. The family lived in the middle of nowhere, the children were not allowed any sugar or to watch any TV at all - I had to do "creative play" for 9 hours a day. Amazed I ever had children of my own .

MrsC2010 · 07/06/2010 16:36

Sorry, but even at 29 I wouldn't feel comfortable looking after 3 kids on my own. I certainly wouldn't want to feel under pressure to do so, it is a big responsibility.

expatinscotland · 07/06/2010 16:38

And you actually did it, Kerala?

See, I'd have turned that TV on the moment their backs were out the door and sat them in front of it with a bowl of biscuits.

expatinscotland · 07/06/2010 16:39

Or I'd have chucked them out in the garden and then bribed the older two with chocolate not to tell their folks.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 07/06/2010 16:47

Wonders what's wrong with putting children in front of TV and cookies

Cretaceous · 07/06/2010 17:13

I remember being very impressed that my DC knew all about the Globe theatre - until I discovered it'd been on Dr Who!?! Nothing wrong with tv .

Goblinchild · 07/06/2010 18:17

'I can barely stand to be around my sister with her kids. She changes into mummyzilla and her kids can do no wrong, when in fact they are spoilt little toe-rags who manipulate her beyond belief.'

You are not alone Oenopod.

thumbwitch · 07/06/2010 19:06

It may be as simple as her never having changed a nappy and not wanting to - I had real problems with other peoples' shit, baby or otherwise and was extremely worried how I would cope with my own baby's - was reassured by other shitophobes (there has to be a proper word for that, probably scatophobe or something) that it is 'different when it's your own'. Yes - it was, thankfully.

But before I had DS, there was no way I was getting involved in a shitty nappy change.

And yes, it might be 'only 4-5 hours' but it might be a fuck of a lot longer - with 3 little DC asking "where's Mummy? where's Daddy? Waaaah!" for a percentage of the time.

maryz · 07/06/2010 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoEngland · 08/06/2010 21:51

maryz I don;t think that it is unreasonable for families to help each other. It is considered normal in most cultures and was in the past in this country. We now seem to be selfish and insular. I have a large family and we are a support network to each other. When my DC were babies their aunts and uncles would look after them and change nappies (they were 22 and under) and now it is their turn me and my DC who are 11 & nearly 14 will be available for babysitting and nappy changing.

OP I would be upset that my sister did not want to help out and because of the type of person I am I would want to find out why.

Even though I have had a nanny in the past I don't think I would have been confident getting in a stranger for an odd week

PigletJohn · 08/06/2010 22:57

if the sister tries to explain why she doesn't want to do it, she might have to suffer being told how wrong she is, and how invalid all her reasons are.

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