to think it wouldnt kill my sister to stay with me for a week?

[fernie3]

My baby is due the first week of August and we have three older children. My dad will look after the three older ones while I am in labour (this is a shock in itself but that's another story). My last two have been a month early because of preeclampsia and I have been todl to expect this one to be induced early too which would put me at early July. My dad has recently found out that he has to go away on business for the first week of July so if the baby is born then I would have to go into hospital to have it alone while possibly not feeling too well as with my last baby.We really dont know anyone else who would look after the older ones.

My sister lives about 200 miles away and doesnt work, has no children and no reason that she cant come and stay for a week so she would be here IF I have the baby then (assuming I havent had it before then as I already have preeclampsia). I have travelled on the bus to see her before now so she knows I would be there in a flash for her.

She is refusing point blank to consider it. Am I being unreasonable to be upset with her?

oiteach I am not asking her anymore she said no I am not begging I was just upset she said no. Originally we asked her for a week because we could go and meet her and bring her back or her fiancee could drive her down on the saturday and take her back the next weekend.

Perhaps she just doesn´t fancy a week with you & the children "just in case".

It's hard not having family nearby. I started a thread yesterday about being sad and maybe a bit angry re: mil saying she couldn't look after DS anymore. Fair enough, but my point was that it was sad that the kids aren't around family who take them places and able to develop relationships with extended family like I was at a young age. Yes, of course they are my responsibility, and don't expect mil to look after them, but it would be so lovely to be part of a larger family.

No, you aren't BU. But maybe you could ask her what aspect scares her, and if there is anything that could be worked out. She may think you want her to take them to school, take them to various activities which could be scary. Is it a 'no' means 'no' or do you have the type of relationship with her where you can discuss things?

YABU.

She's childless and doesn't work, be grateful she knows herself well enough to say no. no WAY would I leave three children with someone who doesn't have any and who never has.

She's 22? You are DEFINITELY being unreasonable. She didn't choose that life for herself, she managed this by not having three children. She's too young to be ditched with three children for a week out of the blue, she wouldn't have a clue.

Just a suggestion - what about asking her to be your birthing partner (or for some of it) whilst DP looks after the kids??

It is a pretty big ask TBH.

I don't think the fact that she isn't up for it is selfish, it is just the way it is. If she had been able to do it she would be a star, but not being able to doesn't make her a bad person.

Given the distance you don't really have any idea what is going on with her, she may well have excellent reasons for not coming and she just doesn't want to tell you them. Or she might just not want to.

Am surprised at the number of posters who say YABU. I would feel differently about my sister forever more if she were to refuse to help out in a situation where I so desperately needed her help. Sorry, but bollox to 'respect her decision', 'lack of childcare experience' etc etc. What a load of cobblers. If your family refuse to be there to support you when you most need them, what is the point of family?

The point of family is that are related to you, not bound to you.

22 is old enough to know not to dangle the youngest from the window, or let them play in the toilet water, kids or no kids. A few dvds, make some sandwiches, wipe their faces with a flannel before bed and brush their teeth - it won't matter if they don't get to school for a day or something. I am shocked at 22 being seen as too young to be able to cope for abit (not a whole week - a few hours to what, 24?) with some kids. Fair enough you may come back to a house that's trashed, and hyper kids but 3 kids left alone with a 22 year old (god forbid) isn't going result in WW3. Maybe I have low standards You get 16 year olds working in childcare nowadays, unqualified. As I said, fair enough if she has a real reason, but if it's because she doesn't fancy it then I think that is shitty and selfish. Doesn't mean she should do it, just think it's crap if she doesn't. I would bend over backwards to help anyone out, can't get my head around someone not being the same.

There are some very immature 22-year-olds out there, ASecret.

I was one of them.

That would have been my idea of hell, really, little kids.

They used to truly bug the shit out of me.

It would've been lovely of her to do it for you, but you can't expect her to and if she is not happy to do it, its surely better her telling you no now than saying yes and letting you down at the last minute. At least this way, you have a chance of organising something else.

Have you a good friend or two who could maybe help with babysitting the little ones whilst you are in labour.

I live away from all my family and had to rely on friends when I went in for my third child so that my husband could be with me.

But the majority would have enough common sense to not microwave the baby or something stupid. I am not saying she should have to, but if she just does't fancy it then I think she is selfish. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at being asked to do this for a next door neighbours dog walkers friends octuplets, as long as they didn't expect any great standard of childcare

Unqualified 16 year olds do not work in childcare unless heavily supervised by an adult, as they still come under the children's act and only a fricking NUTTER would leave themselves so open to litigation if something were to go wrong.

If you leave your child with a 16 year old, YOU are responsible ofr both your own child and the child who is looking after yours! no Nursery manager is going to put themselves at so much risk.

If I'd been left in charge of 3 children before I actually had my own, I'd have probably slapped at least one of them, because I really wasn't a very nice person.

I wouldn't do this now, aged 38, never mind when I was 22. Sorry but it's too much to ask.

I know it sounds unsupportive and I am sorry, but you and your DH have decided proactively to have these kids, and they are nobody's problem really but your own, that is the bottom line.

FWIW I help my own sister out all the time with hers but only in small doses and always on my own terms.

It would put her off having children of her own for ever. At 22 yo I couldn't have looked after one child for more than an evening. It would be torture.

OK, bad example, but seriously, we are talking about 3 kids. For maybe a day. Any longer and I'd imagine OPs DH would be home. May be a quickie 6 hour birth. Geez, the sister should suck it up and help out (unless some real reason etc. etc...)

I think she does have a real reason - she doesn't want to, and she knows her own limitations . She might be perfectly willing to help with something else, but she might find it scarey to help, and doesn't realise how the OP feels.

Please would people read the OP more carefully the sis would only be in sole charge for a day at most not a whole week. Probably only 4-5 hours.

Can you hire a doula? She could either support you at the birth or look after the children.

You've asked her for a favour and she has said no. People don't have to do favours.

I sympathise with OP but surely the choice to have another child with no support network was hers and was not taken lightly. Did OP and her DH just assume that someone would help when the time came or was this arrangement in place with OPs Dad prior to the decision to conceive again?

At 22 I wouldn't have been comfortable looking after someone elses fish let alone their kids.

At 22 I was teaching and pg with my first DS. I would have been insulted if people thought I was unable to cope solely on account of my age. I can't imagine letting my sister give birth alone when I could enable her DH to be there by helping out with the DC. It probably won't be 'fun' for the sister, but I don't think it is that much to ask, esp if the OP has gone out of her way to take care of her sister in the past. That is what family is all about imo. As I understand it the sister would only have to look after them for a few hours while the OPs DH is at the hospital. As others have pointed out, it is not that hard to put on some DVDs and make some food. I would ask my sister why she is unwilling to help. If it really is that she just doesn't want to, then I would be a lot less available to her in the future.