Free childcare

[muttimalzwei]

I know I am being unreasonable but I do get a bit cheesed off at friends who pay next to nowt for childcare as relatives are doing it all. Meanwhile we pay it all and are s k i n t. Fair?

sorry, I know it must be hard but yabu. (I should mention that we are the same, mum & mil do a lot). Family help each other.

YABU although it must be hard to have to pay out for it.

My MIL and FIL used to do my childcare while I worked, wouldn't have been able to afford childcare if they didn't.

If they all paid for childcare, you would still be skint. Would it just make you feel better that they were skint too?

YANBU. I feel as as you do.

YABU - it's not their fault that their relatives can help. It is fair though. what do you expect, their relatives not to help because you don't have family nearby to help you?

YABU - you have more control and choice. All the people I know who have used relatives, do it because they don't earn much so can't afford regulated childcare, or could afford it but are motivated by saving the cash.

You won't ever have to start one of those (very frequent) threads on MN complaining because your mum/MIL isn't providing childcare as you'd like it to be!!

Some people are lucky to live in the same area as their relatives. However that also has drawbacks... not everyone gets on well with their relatives, especially extended family.

We don't get much help so know how hard it can be to pay for childcare but I don't feel I have an unfair deal compared to friends with family who help them. I admit I am a tad but thats life isn't it. In some ways its better, I have a friend who has terrible trouble with ther in laws but is effectively held to ransom by them as they need them for childcare. We chose to have DCs and don't live near our family so thats the deal. OTOH I do think its unfair when my neice gets free childcare but doesnt work. That just seems a bit crazy to me.

YANBU to feel cheesed off about it, no. This is why I don't work.
I am more cheesed off with people who have their relatives to help out to save money and then complain about it though.

Now let me suggest this. If relatives didn't provide free childcare, then the government will have to address the affordability of it and the OP would be less skint.

I think around 80% of families get free childcare.

The other plus, OP, is that you will feel loads better off when your children start school, and you aren't having to pay all day! Whereas your friends who don't pay, won't ever get that lovely feeling!

Just jealous and really notice it when I am shelling out for things that I am quite frankly struggling to afford like presents for kids parties, kids trips out, etc and everyone around me seems to have the money to buy whatever they want. I'm having to start saying no to trips and lunches out with groups of mums and kids and telling people honestly I can't afford it. We're £400 worse off a month than a lot of people in similar situation. That's all, just a moan. IABU!!

YANBU. Like JackBauer this is why I don't work.

I think I am more jealous than anything else.

Thank you StarOfValkyrie - perhaps this is what I am secretly most pissed off about.

and yes violethill I will feel pleasantly flush in 3 years time!!!

Plus: What if their relatives get sick/move away/take up a hobby/want a holiday......

I reckon its one of those situations that isn't without its problems. Taking on regular childcare for no pay is a huge commitment, and I would bet that there are a lot of elderly relatives out there who don't feel 100% happy with it, but feel coerced into committing. Or find it ok when the baby is small, but another matter altogether when it comes to potty training, or running after toddlers. And it cuts both ways - the parents may not feel happy with aspects of the care, but feel unable to speak up because they are (seemingly) being done a massive favour.

I can honestly say that I would rather pay for good quality nursery (my kids loved theirs) than feel pressurised to use relatives for free. And I speak as someone who spent a fortune on nursery fees! It gives you far more control and choice as the parents, and that's worth more than cash

Oh I freely admit to being jealous. But it doesn't mean I can't be cheesed off as well!
it's just, if you have access to free chidlcare appreceiate it

Very true, the nursery my son goes to is doing a brilliant job of looking after him and I should be grateful for that. Meanwhile it's back to packed lunches and flogging anything that moves on e bay!

Yes appreciate the free childcare please!

A lot of the people who's family help out (MIL's etc) do pay, in a way...

There is no such thing as a free lunch. Half the posts on this board are people getting sniffy about levels/ideas regarding childcare and dont feel they can dictate because they are not paying for it...

I think definitely no such thing as a free lunch. Also, life may just be waiting round the corner to bite them in the leg: very few people go through life without encountering any unfairness in any way or suffering anything that their friends are spared.

80% of the families I know don't have access to free childcare: what many do around here, where people tend to be on low salaries is for parents to work in shifts so mum leaves for work when dad comes home and one parent works all evenings and all weekends. I feel very privileged that we earn enough to be able to afford to be together in our free time; it's not been the case for most of my friends.

I think YABU.

And I say that as someone who lives hundreds of miles away from both sides of the family and pays for childcare.

I have had my MIL do childcare for us (I did contribute to petrol though), but don't kid yourself it's joyous all the way- she did/said all sorts of things that drove me nuts, in the end resorted to professional, expensive childcare arrangement.

I feel your pain OP. i work 3 days a week and we pay £900 a month on childcare - In effect I work for £350 a month, which I could earn with an evening job, but we're due for re-mortgage in Dec and would never get it without my current salary - crackers they don't take into account what your actual spendable cash is. We need the £350 though, so that's why I go out to work. DH's salary covers the mortgage, petrol, household bills, mine pays for the groceries, nappies etc. (No fancy house, just didn't get on property ladder until a few years ago). When friends moan they're skint and they've just bought brand new car, put an extension on their house etc. it makes me , but I keep thinking as others have said, well we'll feel really flush in 3 years time!

• and both mothers live within 10 miles of us, but wouldn't consider helping us out.

I don't know OP if you feel a bit like us in that I'm fed up of people assuming we've got money, we're both in the NHS so people assume we're on good money and think we're fibbing if we turn down nights out etc due to no cash. One of our clerical assistants was moaning to me how skint she was, she only has £100 a week to spend!!! How can that be not enough??? DH and I have £50 left over a month between us for treats/new clothes etc. (And I appreciate somebody else will be along to tell me how lucky I am to have that much)

I know and feel your pain. I pay 100% of full time care with no help, not even for emergencies etc.

BUT when you have children you surely plan for how much they will cost you over their childhood years and make sure you can afford it? Its like getting a mortgage and not know how you are going to pay it off....