Free childcare

[muttimalzwei]

I know I am being unreasonable but I do get a bit cheesed off at friends who pay next to nowt for childcare as relatives are doing it all. Meanwhile we pay it all and are s k i n t. Fair?

I feel your pain OP I hace 4 Ds's ranging in age from 17 to 1 I have no family nearby so have paid childcare for the past 16 years and will be for another 14 or so.
I do however have a real Mary Poppins at the moment who is worth her weight in gold to I do not grudge her one penny.
I also love my job so it pays in other ways too.

GiraffeYoga if I had planned properly and, being purely practical, thought about how I was going to afford children I wouldn't have had any! I was on 11 grand when I fell pregnant. Which became half that when i went part time, I then had to find a better paid job, so no planning at all, in fact. I don't think I will be unusual!!

I mean I wouldn't have been deemed financially able, to have them, but I would still have wanted them.

YABU to be 'cheesed off' at your friends for their good fortune.
However, I can really understand why you feel a bit jealous.
Things will improve once your children are at school

Good point Muttimalzwei

I understand that.. I hadnt thought of it that way round.

It would have been very different for me if i'd fallen pregnant by accident 10 years ago....

But it still a factor to consider or at least to try to plan for... but then im a bit anal about financial planning

We did plan it this way giraffe, we thought long and hard but realised I was going to have to give up work as my commute and hours were so much worse than DH's
Still pisses me off though

I don't think that children should only be allowed to be born to women who were lucky enough to have had support in their developing years to get themselves into a particular finacial position.

What an odd perspective.

I do feel very of friends whose relatives do all their childcare, but what hacks me off most is how ungrateful some of them seem to be and how they take it for granted (not all of them of course). They really don't know how lucky they are.

I so share your , i have won't grandparent can't grandparent.

Conversation with my mother who lives under 10 mins from my house, and is very much a lady of leisure. She bought up the subject and said:
'What you doing with children over half term?'
'Nanny'
'what for all of it? how much is that costing you'
'£100 a day'
'That's a lot isn't it, oh well when you have children these things have to be paid'.

These are regular conversations, she seems to revel in loving knowing how much my childcare is costing me but without relieving the pressure.

YANBU to be cheesed off OP. I am in same boat as you re. help from relatives. Although tbh I would prefer to use the nursery my DCs go to anyway. However, I wouldn't say no to a bit of school run/holidays help when DD starts in September. That's life though I guess.

YABU OP, but you know it...

i appreciate that without parental assistane, my take home would have been reduced whilst we were both in work. But i might then have decided not to work at all.

you have made your choice - tis wrong to resent others for the choices they made.

s it happns i can't wai for DD to start govt funded EYSF place, as tha will mean she gets to play with kids her age, rather than being stck with the GPs/ Daddy all day.

'you have made your choice - tis wrong to resent others for the choices they made'

No, I didn't have any choice, surely? I don't have any help?

Anyway, the upshot of this is, I'll just crack on with it and be skint for three more years. Not the end of the world anyway

you could choose not to work, or for your DH to not work...though the financial consequences would be tough. that's the choice.

and incidentally, once you've got the mortgage, you don't need to continue meeting the standard for eligibility (though you do have to make the payments!)

Edgar - i think the choose to work not to work has led to this benefit culture of this country just due to childcare costs seems poor reason not to work.

Because for a lot of people if both adults don't go out to work, they would fall in to being eligible to claim benefits, due to low pay.

You're jealous but don't worry, so am I

My mum will be doing 2 days for us; my aunt half a day. It's not simply to save money - I don't want my child in a nursery. If they hadn't offered I'd have to go back full time to afford childcare.

It's not as if it's free anyway - we will be more than paying in kind and I'm delighted to do so.

Sorry you haven't got the same opportunity OP, but life for us is financially difficult in other ways so it's swings and roundabouts. YABU.

I agree with the op, but life isn't fair, is it.

its the ones with loads of help who complain to those of us with no help about how hard they've got it. WTF????

YABU - like ssd said life isn't fair.

To be honest, the cost of childcare is the reason I haven't returned to work (DD is 33mth). DH works 60+ hours a week and I was working 50 hours - trying to find childcare for those hours was going to leave us with no money after travelling costs were taken into consideration. My dad works full-time, my mum works part-time split shifts and MIL works part-time (and also has mental health issues so would be a no-no anyway).

It does secretly irk us that other parents we know have much more practical help from grandparents (my parents have only looked after DD 6 times since she was born, so DH and I can get a night out together - but that is a whole other issue), but there is nothing we can do about that. Life is unfair, unfortunately.

It's not so much that they are getting childcare for free but that some of us are having to pay for it.

Whatever happened to the feminist demand for free childcare for all?

That is the solution.

Don't assume it's free- my mum looks after DD 3 days a week whilst I am at work. We pay her the same daily rate as local childminders.

Are there any countries which provide free childcare? Can't imagine there are, as even if it's free at point of delivery, it will be paid for via higher taxes.
Free childcare I don't think exists - there is always some cost ... may not be money, could be the cost of a relationship. If you fall out with your childminder, you can move on to another. If you fall out with your mum... you can't get another mum!

Are there any countries which provide free childcare? Can't imagine there are, as even if it's free at point of delivery, it will be paid for via higher taxes.
Free childcare I don't think exists - there is always some cost ... may not be money, could be the cost of a relationship. If you fall out with your childminder, you can move on to another. If you fall out with your mum... you can't get another mum!

Opps, sorry mobile is double posting.

My mum looks after my twins and I am extremely grateful. Without her, work would not be feasible (have 4 kids).

I have offered to put the girls into nursery if it is too much for her, but she says she enjoys looking after then and is happy with the staus quo. I am eternally grateful and know how lucky I am.

As payment I've said she can move into my garage in her old age rather than a home (i'd get it converted obviously, not just have her in a bed next to the bikes and camping stuff!)