to expect not to be deliberately disturbed...

[undercovamutha]

when visiting my parents house?

My DM goes to bed at about 1am and gets up at about 9am. She sleeps very badly due to a chronic health condition, and is very often up many times during the night. My DF goes to bed at about 10pm and gets up at about 6.30am (think this is why their marriage has lasted for 30+ years ).

They are both really REALLY noisy. When they get up they bang doors, put the radio/tv on, use the microwave (bang, whirr, ping, bang!). It is a nightmare, and I'm not used to it as I haven't lived with them for 15 years.

I have hinted about them being a bit quieter going to bed/getting up, to no avail. But I got really annoyed last time I stayed with them. I mentioned (nicely)to my mum that she was waking me up at 1am by noisily loading the dishwasher (kitchen is right below my room). She replied, 'tough luck, you shouldn't be so sensitive to noise'.

This was the last straw for me. She actually has no thought for other people's sleep at all. AIBU to think that this is unfair and a little bit rude? IMO if you stay at someone's house, you should be thoughtful to their need for sleep. My DH actually doesn't want to stay their anymore as he can't cope with the lack of sleep.

someone loading the dishwasher downstairs wouldn't bother me

infact if its noise I dont have to do anyhting about I dont mind

unless is loud loud music or drums or something

Perhaps, OP, you should take ear plugs when you visit?

sorry tough - when you're at theirs the its their rules

Can you stay in a hotel?

Don't go.

Can understand your frustration, but its their house, so if you don't like it, find somewhere else to stop.

When we have visitors, I try to keep my children quiet in a morning (we are up at about 6am every day), but tbh I feel bad stopping them "enjoying" their time before school/nursery and think sod it, if the guests don't like it, they can pay for a hotel instead in future!

It would be nice if they were being more considerate but it seems that they are thinking they are the adults and you are the child and they can do what they want.

I think it would be intensely annoying & it's clearly rude to make loads of noise at 1 am regardless of the fact that people are sleeping.

That comment would have really pissed me off.

I'm with llareggub.

I must just clarify that the dishwasher isn't loaded in standard way. It literally takes her 30 minutes of packing and re-packing, with sound effects that are akin to plate-smashing at a greek wedding! I have pointed out that I could actually do all the washing (twice) in the time it takes for the krypton-factor-style plate packing !

Sorry OP, but think YABbitU.

It's their house and they'll carry on doing their stuff while you are in it.

When I stayed at my gran's house she was banging the hoover into the sofa I was sleeping on at 0730am!

Agree earplugs might work?

Is it just that they despise your presence?

Keeping children quiet in the morning is difficult and they're children. Adults can control themselves and should! Rudeness is rudeness, IMO.

I assume you are visiting your parents to see them, not use their house as a hotel. In which case I think your mum was rather rude and selfish. It doesn't take much effort not to load the dishwasher in the night.
Children making a noise is different - it's to be expected to some extent. But an adult doing it deliberately is unreasonable. My house my rules isn't an excuse for people to be inconsiderate.

There house I'm afraid so YABU, maybe you should do the dishes before you go to bed therefore you won't have to listen to her loading the dishwasher.

They're not really deliberately disturbing you though are they? They're just getting on with things as they do all the time.

I do understand being disturbed though - my mum's house doesn't seem to have any soundproofing and any noise travels which is a pain with DCs. We either accept that's how it's going to be, don't stay there or invite them to stay with us.

I don't so much mind the noise if they are oblivious to the fact they are making it, but the 'tough-luck' comment is what has riled me. When we have visitors and, for example, I need to use the toilet in the middle of the night, I try to be as quiet as possible. I certainly wouldn't slam the doors, and think that it was tough-luck if I woke anyone up.

Actually I think your DM is a bit inconsiderate, and YANBU. A dishwasher does not have to be loaded at 1am!

I'm with your DH - just tell your mum you can't stop the night there because you get no sleep. Either stop somewhere else (hotel) or just visit for a few hours then leave again.

Is her house, her rules, but also up to you to only visit places where you're made to feel comfortable.

YANBU - my ILs do this. They even shout up the stairs to each other at 5/6am in the morning - insanity!! I don't think they are deliberately inconsiderate, just completely oblivious.

We just put up with it as it doesn't seem worth a row over, but it bugs the hell out of us nonetheless!

YANBU. It is pretty rude of them tbh, even if it is their house. Totally understand why your DH doesn't want to stay there. Until they have more consideration, I wouldn't stay there at all.

My aunt does this btw. She wants people to stay at hers as she doesn't live where the rest of her family do, but she is up pretty early and if you aren't she deliberately makes noise to wake you up. Rude when you have guests. Then she wonders why hardly anyone from the family go and stay there.

I think you must be my secret sibling because your parents sound like mine-sleep patterns, health condtions and NOISE. The TV is so loud there is always slamming,shouting, stamping and banging. My mum cant even yawn like a normal person but draws it out into an opera style "oooohh ohh haaaa" in the a shrill loud voice.

YANBU in my book.

maybe you just be grateful you have parents you can visit and who are happy to have you. Not everyone is so lucky

YANBU to be pissed off with your mums comments, although TBH it is their house, so if you don't like the noise, don't stay.

My parents offered to have my nieces stay one night last week (after LOADS of hinting from SIL that they "keep asking when they can come to stay the night at Nanny's"). SIL then proceeded to invite herself and 13 month old baby, who is an awful sleeper, to also stay the night (mum only has 1 spare room so this also put dad out too as he had to give up his study at 8pm so the baby could go to bed). The baby then woke the whole household at 5am and SIL allowed her 5 year old to go into mum and dad's bedroom and get into bed with them ! Now that is rude!!