To think it's unacceptable for strangers to touch my baby?

[SheWhoDares]

By that I mean stroking DD's hand while she's in her pram (just realised my subject heading actually sounds a lot worse than that!).

We were in the supermarket queue yesterday and a lady was trying to make DD smile - she poked her head into the pram and touched DD's hand. DD promptly got very upset and I had to spend a good few minutes calming her down.

What was strange was the lady's reaction - she immediately turned her back on us (probably embarassed). My initial reaction was to try and smile at this lady to make her feel better but didn't get the chance.

But actually, in hindsight, I don't think it's right to invade a baby's space. It's lovely when people smile and talk to DD in public - it's the touching I object to.

Any views?

sorry baby's

I may not touch babies but I always smile and if they respond I pull funny faces and try and make them laugh-maybe the mother doesn't like that! Most of the time they don't notice-it is very often at supermarket check outs.

personally I wouldn't have a problem with anyone trying to interact with my baby but I would feel a bit invaded if they started poking my baby, touching it or kissing it without checking with me first that it was ok.

That is fine-as long as you don't then complain that the British are not child friendly. People are friendly on their own terms-if it is controlled by someone they don't bother.

applauds the OP.

hmmmm. I think YABU. I get where you are coming from but we need to all open up a bit I think

in smaller places, abroad etc Its normal for people to touch babies, pat their cheeks etc

dont be an uptight brit!

DuelingFanjo: "if some stranger came up to me and started stroking my hand I would find it really bizzare and invasive. Strangely people seem to think it's ok for people to do this to a baby. Weird."

I think you've hit the nail on the head. If we had a culture in the UK where people were more physically connected to each other as a whole, it wouldn't seem so unacceptable to some of us. But we don't have such a culture, do we? We meet someone for the first time and do we kiss? Don't we kiss? One or two? Four, like the French? No, that's far too many, and besides, we're not French. Do we hold their shoulders when we kiss, or is that far too much touching? Air kisses? Lips on cheeks? Shake hands? too formal. Gaaaah! Whatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedo??? Ridiculous, isn't it?

I've seen convos on MN where people have expressed almost a revulsion of being hugged. So because, on the whole, we're on the overcautious side when it comes to physical displays of affection with adults, it can feel like an imposition when people express their natural desire to stroke our babies.

I say this, by the way, as someone who's naturally a 'hugger'!

When at a coffee shop last week, a Spanish lady (I'm in the UK) was cooing over my DD (2.5 y o) who was chit chatting with her. Before the lady went, she came up to DD and gave her a huge cuddle and kiss on the cheek. DD was delighted as was I. No issue with it whatsoever.

Wouldn't the simplest solution be for the person who wants to touch the baby to simply ask permission? It doesn't take very long to ask, and the person could say nice things about the baby while asking which might defuse tigress reactions. After all, someone who praises your baby can't be that awful, can they? Plus interesting conversations might result.

I don;t really have a problem with people (generally) stroking DD. I mind rather more when they set her off crying and then either a) try and blame me or b) run away without saying a word leaving me to sort her out!

Can I touch your baby sounds dreadfully formal to me. I can't imagine it happening in child friendly countries! It would be a very British uptight response.
If you are in doubt and feel that you have to ask permission I would stick to 'if in doubt don't'.
I find it odd that parents have to have absolute control at all times! You get people who expect grandparents to ask first-weird!

Babies aren't the same as adults. If a toddler came up to another toddler they wouldn't think twice about touching each other. Babies reach out and grab hair, fingers. If the baby doesn't get upset I don't see why it matters. Babies and small children don't have the same sense of their personal space as adults do.

It is very cold if you kill spontaneity.

Oh, I don't know if it is cold. The manner in which one can ask is the key. There are ways and ways. I agree that "Can I touch your baby?" doesn't sound quite right.

But, start out in a friendly fashion, "Oh, she's lovely!" and you may get somewhere. I suppose any touching of the baby should be preceded by saying something nice and not just a random touch.

Granted, my opinion on this will probably change round about January when our Small One will have arrived.

I think that anyone would make conversation first-I can't imagine anyone wordlessly touching the baby! It sounds weird to then say 'please may I touch your baby?' It is also highly embarrassing to then have the mother say 'no'. I don't see the problem, babies do not bother about being diplomatic or hurting people's feeling. If the baby doesn't like it they will make it abundantly clear! Generally the baby has no problem-it is the mother who has the problem.
It is a bit like a person with a dog-you get an idea from the dog whether you can touch it-I wouldn't say to the owner 'may I touch your dog?'.
I think that the British ought to stick to their reputation of not being child lovers-it isn't worth the hassle and embarrassment.Go on holiday abroad and be friendly where people appreciate it.

bouncingturtle, i had a nose at your profile to see if your DS had ruffably touchably soft hair and he is GORGEOUS! that hair! those eyes!

OP yanbu really, my DD hated to be manhandled when she was a baby, only really let people touch her when her baby brother came along and she saw all the attention he got!
she then grew the most blonde soft curly hair and would charm the pants off any passing stranger!