To think it's unacceptable for strangers to touch my baby?

[SheWhoDares]

By that I mean stroking DD's hand while she's in her pram (just realised my subject heading actually sounds a lot worse than that!).

We were in the supermarket queue yesterday and a lady was trying to make DD smile - she poked her head into the pram and touched DD's hand. DD promptly got very upset and I had to spend a good few minutes calming her down.

What was strange was the lady's reaction - she immediately turned her back on us (probably embarassed). My initial reaction was to try and smile at this lady to make her feel better but didn't get the chance.

But actually, in hindsight, I don't think it's right to invade a baby's space. It's lovely when people smile and talk to DD in public - it's the touching I object to.

Any views?

YABU but I remember being the same and am ashamed of myself tho I seethed inwardly and wasn't actually rude to anyone. Little old ladies may not have grandkids or live far from them. I love it when old dears show an interest in my kids now. Both their grandmas are dead so they miss out on that. In fact, I wish we could adopt a granny

A while ago the same subject came up and someone actually advertised their web site where they sold stickers saying 'Don't touch my baby'! I think there was also a rhyme one, trying to put such an unfriendly message in a more acceptable way.

Okay, I hear you! Maybe I was being a little 'precious' but, just to be clear, I would never have actually pulled DD away or been rude to the lady. In fact, I felt bad for her and would have been nice to her after DD cried - if she'd have let me.

Maybe I should relax a little - I'm starting to feel a bit guilty about this now to be honest!

It is always lovely when someone admits they might be wrong-it doesn't happen very often on AIBU! I think that you just have to try and be a bit diplomatic-shield the baby without them realising. I don't actually touch strange babies-I just smile.

Your PFB must be unusual then because most babies are actively seeking out attention from everyone around them.
Touch is how babies experience the world, why not read up a little on child development?

Yes, YABU, I am afraid. Your baby won't come to any harm just from having its hand stroked by an old lady!

YANBU.

Message withdrawn

Wouldn't bother me, but I'm not about to tell you you are wrong. Each to their own and all that.

I used to love it when people cooed over my babies. I let folks have a cuddle if they wanted one.

YANBU. I always have the instinct to touch babies because they are so cute! But I recognise that a lot of mums have that tigress instinct. With a new baby you are programmed to overreact to threats. It's not rational but it's a fact

YABU. But then, I will give clingy can't-be-put-down DS2 to virtual strangers for a cuddle just to give my arms a break

Agree with pisces and bloss, though it is hard at first when you feel all protective. And difficult to remember that one day, in a not too distant future, your baby will be a great big girl whose safety and chance of independence may well depend on the goodwill of those strangers.

As an example of somebody not making the transition, I was glared at once by a mother for grabbing the arm of her runaway toddler just as he was about to step into the oncoming traffic. I had touched her precious child. I had also, incidentally, saved him from a painful and messy death, but she clearly wasn't in a state to think of that one.

The OP sounds far too sensible a person to grow into that mother, but it is a bit of a warning tale.

God! beginning to think I was very neglectful when mine were little. In Italy I let my 9 month old DD play with some old men one of whom was drunk (at least he seemed that way when he wobbled away on his bike), they played a game of passing an orange with my dd trying to eat it as well. They all had a great time as did I watching. Should I have told them to get lost?

In a restaurant I also let a waiter take my dd to the kitchen to meet the chef (although I did check they weren't going to cook her ). And what is with all the germ nonsense... babies have to develop an immune system somehow. I have so far managed not to kill two children.

It is lovely when people talk and interact with babies and children.

Message withdrawn

well I can understand you because the result of the touching seemed to be that the baby started crying.

It never bothered me but I had a baby who was also more than happy to reach out to total strangers to be picked up. I rmember once struggling like mad to keep her on my lap whilst she kept leaning right over and reaching her arms out to the young man sitting next to me. In the end he said, I think she wants to come to me! So I let her and they both seemed happy.

YABU.
I could understand if the woman picked her up, or dribbled chewed tobacco over her, but she didn't.
I think we're so uptight and up our own arses in Britain about babies, hygiene and strangers.
Most people instinctively smile at babies, and stroking her hand , to me, is ok.

People like to stroke babies and babies like to be stroked.

the one about yanking the buggy back and saying "we don't touch baby" is so very weird to my mind

tinyurl.com/2wrlxe4

tinyurl.com/2wrlxe4 even

if some stranger came up to me and started stroking my hand I would find it really bizzare and invasive. Strangely people seem to think it's ok for people to do this to a baby. Weird.

I think that the UK and USA are the only countries where you could have this thread-other countries wouldn't see the problem! A baby is part of society and it is much healthier to interact than have an uptight mother who wants control.
There was a thread recently where a mother wanted her 16month old to be able to wander around a tea room, because she didn't want to sit still-however I bet the same mother would have had a fit if people had done the natural and talked to the toddler, picked them up and offered them a biscuit!! I do think that people want it both ways-'my DC is free to wander around and stare at you or be irritating, you are allowed to think "how sweet" but don't dare to talk or touch my DC!
OP has at least admitted that she should try and curb her desire for a germ free bubble!

but all people are part of society so by that logic I assume that you, Piscesmoon, wouldn;t bat an eyelid if a complete stranger came up to you and started stroking your face?

Message withdrawn

I think that babies are programmed to enjoy being touched. My DS3 had downy, hair that stuck straight up. Complete strangers stroked it and it didn't upset him. In Spain I would expect an elderly lady might want to stroke my babies face, she wouldn't want to stroke mine-it isn't the done thing. A baby will make it quite clear themselves if they don't like it and then the mother can say gently that the baby doesn't like it-that is quite different from the mother saying 'keep away from my baby'.

I really don't mind as I don't touch strange babies-I just get so cross by the constant criticism that the British are not child lovers and that everything is so much better in the rest of Europe where people are child friendly. I am not surprised that the British are not child friendly when it all has to be under the mother's control and on the mother's terms-it is much easier to have nothing to do with them!
In Italy my toddler was taken off by the waiter to meet the chef in the kitchen-he survived! If he hadn't liked it he would have said so loudly.
When I was 2 yr old I embarrassed my mother no end when the bus conductor was trying to help her by taking me-apparently I said 'put me down-don't touch me'! I'm sure that if the baby or DC doesn't like it they will find a way of making it clear!