to feel completely pissed off that my hard work isn't recognised because I have to leave work at 5pm?

[LadyBiscuit]

There are times in my job when work continues way beyond the hours I'm paid. Unfortunately because I'm a single parent and I don't earn enough to pay for a nanny, that means I have to leave the office at 5pm to get back before the nursery shuts at 6pm (it takes me nearly an hour to get there). I always take my laptop home though and continue working as soon as I walk in the door (which doesn't go down particularly well with my children as you can imagine). This evening I rang a bloke working on the project after I'd done bedtime and he said it would be really useful if I could read through the document that had been worked on and give my feedback. I've just spent an hour and a half doing that (not great because we're going on holiday tomorrow and I haven't been able to do any packing yet) and when I rang to give my comments, the woman who is leading the project said 'well we don't really want your comments - we've been here since 5 o'clock you know!'

AIBU to think I should just jack the sodding job in given that I've worked 8.30am-10pm every day for the past two weeks on this project and she hasn't once acknowledged that? I know she's a mother too and that she probably wants to be at home with her kids but she earns well over 500k a year and I get paid about 1/10 of that. Plus the nature of my job means that I'm not on the career trajectory all the rest of the people working on it are - I'm never going to make big bucks because I'm an internal support function. I'm so bloody fed up and she's made me cry and I feel ridiculous

YANBU

Same in my office, I was passed over for promotion because I left early/started a bit later than everyone else. In the end I thought sod it and now work 2 days a week and have gone back to uni... now I don't care what anyone thinks when I am not in or doing hours that suit ME.

I know it's hard but try not to let it bother you and if they don't appreciate or want the extra work you're doing - don't do it!

YANBU. Is there any way that you can point out (and keep pointing out) the hours that you are doing? E.g. 'I had a look at this last night and...' 'I spent a couple of hours on this last night and...'

I have also been overlooked for promotion in this job because now I'm not prepared to be in the office until 11pm. God it sucks.

Usually when I work these kind of hours, the senior person is really appreciative even though I'm not in the office. It feels like she's really resentful that I'm not there.

If I was earning 50k I'd get a nanny or an au pair. I dont understand how you can afford that on such a high salary.

But I do think the way your work is treating you is appauling and illegal. They are discriminating against you on the grounds of having a child , which is indirect sex discrimination. Although it might do more harm than good to address this issue directly with them. Keep records of all this. If it gets worse at least you'll have plenty of evidence for a tribunal.

I USED to get to work at 7 am - way before anyone else- and leave at 5, then continuing to work in the evening (most people in the office arrived between 9-10 and
left about 6)I quickly discovered that because no-one else is there at 7, no-one realises you have been there from 7, they just see you leaving at 5, and I got PLENTY of snide comments about my work ethic.

This is not going to help the OP, I know, but I ended up changing my working hours from 8.45 to 6.15. Got plenty of kudos then for being a 'hard worker'.

stupid.

So, you are NBU for thinking your hard work is not being recognised because you go home on time. It is true. It happens and it sucks.

Oh... and I echo another poster's suggetion to keep records. After I got some comments from my boss (who arrived 09.15 and left 5.15 daily) I started recording exactly when i arrived and when i left and what i was working on and what i worked on while on my enormous commute. (worked all the way to London daily... adding a solid 4 hours extra right there).

There WAS an HR consultation about all of this too.

I would contact your HR dept and put all this in writing, detailing the comments you receive and the work you have been doing. Imo the best form of defence is attack and there's no way I'd be allowing my boss to get away with this behaviour. Her attitude towards you indicates to me that if ever cuts were to be made, you would be the first to go, because she isn't valueing your contribution. If this did ever happen, by having something logged with HR, you would be building evidence to support yourself with. At the moment she thinks you are weak and you have to reverse this opinion or you will be undermined in front of your colleagues

Ever heard of the term "presenteeism"?

It's the term used to denote people who get praised for working hard simply by being present in the office, but who actually isn't doing much at all.

A nanny costs about £25-30k a year so no, I can't afford that, strange as it may sound. It's absurd I know.

I have to record my hours in my time sheets but I don't think anyone ever reads them but it is quite reassuring to know that people think it's a bit out of order.

Even if I could afford a nanny, if I stayed in the office until 6-7pm I simply wouldn't see my children. And I'm not prepared to make that kind of sacrifice because I would either have to be a big cheese or on the way to great things to want to do that. And seeing as I'm neither (and nor do I want to be), I think an expectation that I work those hours is ridiculous.

YANBU
I agree that you should keep a record of your hours, including every curtailed lunch break, early arrival, and phone call taken at home.
IME lots of the people who raise eyebrows at me leaving at 5pm are the same people who regularly waltz in at 9.45 when I've already been at my desk for 90mins, and who take an hour for lunch when I wolf down a sandwich in front of the screen.

I've actually started replying to emails first thing in the morning, so there's a record of how early I'm in.

Your salary minus a nanny is till more then 4 of us live on.

Do you have an EXDP who can do some evenings? Or a friend/relative?

You do still have the mornings/weekends/holidays to see your kids, which I know is a bit to say but most fathers wouldn't think twice about working until 6-7. I'm not saying that they are right to do/think that, though.

Foreverastudent, that is a pretty unhelpful attitude. Not that it should matter for this thread, but how far someone's salary goes depends on many factors, eg where they live, when exactly they managed to get on the housing ladder, what size mortgage payments they are dealing with as a result, whether they have education debts, whether partner has income etc ...

What good does it do, in the context of this OP, to move the conversation on to how she should be managing better because she is (in your eyes) so well off?

OP: it sucks. I feel for you. Am not in your position at the mo but I do have experience of working long hours without any appreciation. Snarky words from your colleague about how she's "been there since 5 o'clock you know" would be massively frustrating and hurtful but if you need to keep that job, I think you just have to try and rise above it, and record your hours as others have suggested.

OP - You could make remarks back, saying that if your comments were not required perhaps she could let you know next time before you spend 1&1/2 hours reading a report in order to give feedback as requested by a colleague, when you phoned him from home IN THE EVENING. Under no circumstances let your boss know that she has upset you.
No one should be spending all their time working, so don't let your boss try to guilt trip you into it.

This is pretty typical I find...I have always been in early (long before most other people), but I leave at 4.30/5.00 if I can and am frequently subjected to raised eyebrows.....Its a load of toss, but if you are there later you are seen as ahard worker....luckily in current job my boss knows what time I get in and how much work I do, so arsy miss running the other office can take it and stick it!

Yes, also I agree to sending e-mails first thing. I called it 'sending a strategic e-mail'. It seems so silly to resort tot using these tactics,especially when you KNOW you are pulling your weight and more, but if it helps, then it helps. I got into the habit of quickly replying to something before getting in the shower. No-one said anything, but the comments about me leaving bang on time seemed to quiet down.

It really IS a load of toss. 'presenteeism' is a real thing. Does not make you mroe affective. I honestly found that because I had a time I HAD to leave working against me, I became flipping' good at prioritisation and efficiency.

dorothea- it says more about society than the OP that we have ended up living in a country with such ridiculously high living expenses and such a disparity between the cost of living in different parts of the country.

The point I was trying to make (in a v roundabout way) was that if needs be people can live off much less than they think. When I was made redundant and my DP took on a new business our income dropped from the OP's level to free school meals level. At first I thought we'd loose the house but we haven't. EVERYONE can cut back on something, and I just dont beleive that there isn't some way the OP could cut back on something else to pay for some more childcare. (If she really wanted to, but from her post she doesnt anyway)

Gosh LB that's shit. It really is. Very common though, a lot of workplaces have this ethic.

You say that normally the people running the projects have been positive about your working on at home after work and appreciated your efforts - concentrate on that - this woman was being a bitch. It was a really unprofessional thing for her to say, just pathetic. Try to rise above it.

And, if you're not already, keep looking for another job. There's no harm in looking, and one day you might see something interesting. I have decided that that is how successful people get on - they keep their eyes peeled - something I have never done. Not all workplaces operate on an outdated "man in suit in the office working late yes he's the man for us" style - you might find somewhere that is a better fit and appreciates you more - and has more opportunities.

I'm sorry this cow made you cry

Oh the strategic emails thing - do it sparingly

My boss used to do it to show that she was working from home/on her commute. She used to ring up about really random stuff/send emails about nothing in particular all the time and everyone was a bit as it was so obvious what she was doing!

YANBU - that's really tiresome, but unfortunately pretty par for the course.

Definitely do the strategic email thing. It may be obvious what you are doing, but it looks like you are going to have to be, in order to make it clear that you ARE actually working and not "skiving off at 5pm" which seems to be how your colleagues regard it if they are all working until 11pm.

You need to "create a presence" in the office. Send emails, call your colleagues, whatever it takes to give them the sense that you are working along with them, perhaps in the office down the hall rather than at home IYSWIM. It is a good start that at least one of your colleagues feels that it is OK to call you at home.

This kind of thing will create a trail showing your hours worked instead of bringing HR into it, which would be almost guaranteed to get your boss offside and put your career on the skids.

And it really isn't helpful to assume that the OP can afford a nanny - particularly as these rather rude speculations seem to assume that the OP doesn't pay any tax!

YANBU. Plenty of people do some of their work at home these days. Would you feel able to approach the project leader and ask her to clarify her comments? Or talk it through with HR or your union? It's ridiculous that people are so pressurised into working so many hours just to "be seen" to be doing it.

I also recommend the strategic email. Also don't be ashamed that you're going home to put your kids to bed. Make it absolutely clear to everyone that this is what you're doing and that you will be back online later. If you are apologetic about it, even in your mind, then it will project out to people and they will know that it's a weak spot for you. Also the person who made the nasty comments about not wanting your review comments.... I wouldn't cry, I would get more strategic about it. If that ever happens again, send an immediate email to the team and say "I went home to put my kids to bed and have read through the docs. I have just called xxx and they say that the team doesn't want my input because things have moved on over the last 2/3 hours. I have read the documents, so call me on xx if you want my input, or I am happy to mail my comments over.".

Foreverastudent, if the OP is getting paid in the region of £50k a year, after paying tax, NI and £30k to a nanny she would have less than £10k to live on. A family of 4 living on benefits gets more than £10k in HB, council tax benefit, tax credit and so on. I find it very difficult to understand how your family of 4 is entitled to less than £10k a year.

OP, I think you need to keep a record of all of these comments at work, and speak to HR about this. The fact that a woman made those comments to you does not mean that you wouldn't have a case for sex discrimination. If people are going to make comments to you, I would email your co-workers things you are working on at home, such as your comments on a document. You will then have records of any negative comments back via email, and evidence that you were working from home as your emails will have the time on them.