to feel completely pissed off that my hard work isn't recognised because I have to leave work at 5pm?

[LadyBiscuit]

There are times in my job when work continues way beyond the hours I'm paid. Unfortunately because I'm a single parent and I don't earn enough to pay for a nanny, that means I have to leave the office at 5pm to get back before the nursery shuts at 6pm (it takes me nearly an hour to get there). I always take my laptop home though and continue working as soon as I walk in the door (which doesn't go down particularly well with my children as you can imagine). This evening I rang a bloke working on the project after I'd done bedtime and he said it would be really useful if I could read through the document that had been worked on and give my feedback. I've just spent an hour and a half doing that (not great because we're going on holiday tomorrow and I haven't been able to do any packing yet) and when I rang to give my comments, the woman who is leading the project said 'well we don't really want your comments - we've been here since 5 o'clock you know!'

AIBU to think I should just jack the sodding job in given that I've worked 8.30am-10pm every day for the past two weeks on this project and she hasn't once acknowledged that? I know she's a mother too and that she probably wants to be at home with her kids but she earns well over 500k a year and I get paid about 1/10 of that. Plus the nature of my job means that I'm not on the career trajectory all the rest of the people working on it are - I'm never going to make big bucks because I'm an internal support function. I'm so bloody fed up and she's made me cry and I feel ridiculous

How much the op earns doesn't matter, even if she could afford a nanny she shouldn't have to. She works hard it should be appreciated.

Start logging everything even work at home and keep a copy, I would also sit down with bosses and say that you feel unappreciated.

If you are an "internal support function" then maybe you need to work to rule a bit. Then they'll discover they need you.
Seriously - don't do the long hours in the evening and see what happens. And when/if challenged then you explain.

my sister is a nanny - she does the before-school and after school stuff with housekeeping in between (so she's a cleaner/housekeeper too) and is on about £13k pa - she works 7-6 atm but has done longer hours if the family need

is it not possible to look for someone like that if you need longer childcare (although I can see that you shouldn't have to, at all...)?

I would speak to the boss who 'doesn't really want your comments' and point out that you work at home once the children are picked up. Ask how you can contribute more to the project as you are keen to promote your career (or something similar which is positive).

She probably doesn't know that you work at home as she is busy trying to keep her head above water herself.

She might be a pushy, uncaring type but it is worth making it clear you are happy to support the job/project in any way as this will contribute to her prospects.

I think it would certainly be worth maintaining more contact using e-mail, since it is time stamped (though not to excess, of course) especially given the one collegue wanting your input but the subsequent rude response from the project leader.

As lisianthus said, though, moving this to anyone in HR would probably be a mistake - you've filled in time sheets, you know you are putting in lots more hours than simply those at the office.

Perhaps time for you to get copies of past time sheets and keep photocopies in future, so when you next have some internal review about your career and salary, you can point out that you feel your efforts are not always appreciated.

I assume from "Usually when I work these kind of hours, the senior person is really appreciative even though I'm not in the office. It feels like she's really resentful that I'm not there." that other projects you have been involved with have had senior staff who accept your circumstances mean that being in the office 'all hours' isn't possible, but you're certainly not a slacker, whereas this particular project has a leader who may be nasty towards you (and perhaps it is secret envy that you have done the right thing and been home to see your youngsters get to bed).

It should not be a 'requirement' that anyone gets pushed to work many hours past the (now usual) 37.5 / 40 hour week.

Admittedly the higher the salary, the greater the expectation, but I assume there's no consideration of paying overtime to get these projects completed. It probably boils down to many a project being difficult to estimate on timescales and firms regularly say "Yes" first and worry about meeting the deadline closer to the deadline, no matter how much stress they force on staff.

So, for LadyBiscuit - don't feel ridiculous, you're working hard, and if this pushy woman doesn't see it, then it's her problem. It isn't worth quitting your job over, but rather than taking it up with HR, make it an issue at a future salary review, because you are every bit as dedicated, just cannot stay all hours in the office, and do carry on working as you hope they appreciate.

Being nosy, do you know how other colleagues feel about the hours, and (perhaps more important) do they have partners and children who may resent the hours they spend at the office... (Or do you think they are getting sufficient extra income for the hours to be seen as necessary, and their standard of living, holidays, etc, are used to justify the hours they put it ?)

Also, do you consider yourself "on a par" in terms of effort you put in, or do you think some of them are doing that 'presenteeism' thing so they are there in body, but not necessarily working hard, just want to be seen to be there ?

when my hubby is working exceptionally early or late he sends a work related email to colleagues. Its a subtle reminder that he puts in the hours too!

opps - sorry, just realised that has already been said!

foreva, 50K does not stratch that far!!

OP, you need to get tough

for a certain time period start tracking in a spreadsheet the extra time, keep it accurate and simple

then ask for meeting, explain that despite your constraints you are working extra time, and you want that ackowledged as you pull your weight

in parallel, maybe start looking for a new role, not all companies have this culture

ok so I was thinking of 50k NET, I suppose the taxman does take a big chunk of that.

good post networkguy

LadyBiscuit - you are obviously in a very difficult situation as a lone parent but I am wondering why you live quite so far from your work? Would it not be a lot simpler to live much closer and to reduce transport times?

I really do struggle to understand when people post for advice on Mumsnet why some of the responses are almost competitive in how hard somebody's life is. I.e. my life is harder so you can definitely make yours easier "if you really wanted to", nsinuating that people are responsible for the treatment they receive from others in their life through their own laziness or lack of action.

If the OP could afford a nanny she would hire one. The point is that if she is working her contracted hours AND more in the evening why is that work not being appreciated?

Why is it that people are offering solutions that will enable her to work MORE hours in the evening at work when she has finished her contracted hours and should be at home with her child?

She is a single parent, working full-time and contrary to the belief that "there MUST be somebody who can babysit for you" there sometimes is not that support.

There is a huge change required in the workplace of how parents are treated and regularly passed over for promotion because children are their first priority.

Work/life balance is important for everyone at work and it must be respected.

LadyBiscuit - what sort of woman made this comment? Are you able to go to her and pointing out that you were ask to read the document and provide comments - which you did - only to find they weren't 'required' and that you are already working above and beyond as you take work home with you! This would point out to her that she is being rude and not very professional.

I sympathise, because I know I couldn't with my colleagues. I agree that the strategic emails are an idea, but it's frustrating because you shouldn't have to!

I am dreading this situation after I go back to work...

Thanks for all the posts - I've been away so sorry for the silence. The people I'm working with know absolutely the hours I'm working - I have a very niche speciality so I work with small groups of people for short amounts of time but very intensely (sorry for being a bit cryptic but I am trying to stay relatively anonymous!).

foreverastudent - you're right - it's absurd that I earn what I do and yet I can't make it work. I am actually about to hand my notice in, sell my flat and move out of London to become a foster parent I hope because this is no way to live for either me or my DC.

bonsoir - irony is that if I worked in London I would be expected to work much longer hours than I do. I took this job because working these sorts of hours are less frequent. So a shorter commute isn't really an option.

I did get an email the following morning after my OP from the guy who'd asked me to review the document explaining that he'd only meant that I review my own amends to it rather than the whole thing. But basically the woman who is leading the project is very senior and a bit of a cow really. I've worked with men like her lots of times and I just ignore them but it's much worse somehow when another woman is so inflexible.

Still, as I said, it's all a moot point now. I can't wait to hand my notice in