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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my midwife is unreasonable???

42 replies

perfectishmum · 03/06/2010 23:11

I have five children and DC6 is on the way. I gave birth to all except DD1 without any pain relief (DD1 was breach).
The other day I told the midwife that I intend on having this child naturally. She said "ok, nothing but gas and air". I told her i didn't want it and she just sort of gave me a look.
AIBU to think that if I've done this four times before that I can do it again.
And is my midwife BU to assume?

OP posts:
dorisbonkers · 03/06/2010 23:13

here, have a medal. And a cushion.

Original poster
perfectishmum · 03/06/2010 23:14

Thanks Doris, i need both!

OP posts:
poorbuthappy · 03/06/2010 23:16

and a tenalady...

HecateQueenOfWitches · 03/06/2010 23:16

Probably. But no doubt she's heard it all before and knows that most people start screaming GIVE ME THE DRUGS GIVE ME THE DRUGS by the end of the first hour

Or maybe you said it in a funny or precious way or came across like pain relief is Wrong. Perhaps she read something in your words that you didn't mean and was reacting to that.

If there's one thing I've learned about childbirth - it's that expressing your opinion or saying how you do/did things is quite often translated in the other person's head into a direct, deliberate and personal attack on how THEY did things.

People are weird.

FairyCakeBump · 03/06/2010 23:17

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable! You know you've done it before - great. So you'll probably be able to do it again. Your midwife is just going by her experience, which is probably that most women who talk about natural childbirth mean nothing but gas and air.

If she was genuinely being unreasonable, she'd have done more than give you a 'look'. Strapping you down and injecting you with diamorphine would be being unreasonable...

Vallhala · 03/06/2010 23:17

YANBU. Brave, but not unreasonable. Your midwife is BU to treat you as if you don't know your own mind. I'm sure that you know, having had 5 children (brave again!) that, heaven forbid, you might experience difficulties and want pain relief. I'm equally sure that any sensible midwife would know that you're aware of this. In the meantime imho it's her job to support you in your decisions as long as they are not unreasonable, not give you odd looks.

It's always a possibility that you misinterpreted her look and it was one of pure admiration of course!

FairyCakeBump · 03/06/2010 23:18

Also, I second the medal, only I'm all out of medals. Will a chocolate covered rich tea biscuit do? It's medal shaped.

dorisbonkers · 03/06/2010 23:18

seriously, it's probably a throwaway comment. She might not meet that many very staunch mothers. Hope it goes smoothly. Mine was breech two but I had a (lovely) plannedcsection

MintHumbug · 03/06/2010 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

islandofsodor · 03/06/2010 23:21

YANBU. I didn't use anything (well I tried gas and air for all of 60 seconds during my first labour and didn't like it.

Original poster
perfectishmum · 03/06/2010 23:22

Thanks everyone! FairyCakeBump I'll take that biscuit!!
Poorbuthappy, Tenalady not needed (Yet!).
and Doris thanks for the support.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 03/06/2010 23:25

Didn't like it? lots of people say they hated it / it didn't help. I bloody loved it! I have some fab G&A stories (including laughing at the doc who came to break my waters, calling him little bo peep and asking him where his sheep were

Thediaryofanobody · 03/06/2010 23:30

YANBU she sounds like she was trying to undermine you. Your fairly experienced in giving birth and know you own body if you say you can do it without anything then I'm sure you can.

wastingaway · 03/06/2010 23:37

You turn down the gas and air?!

I'm considering having VBAC if I have another one, just so I can have the drugs!

I guess if you said 'natural childbirth' and she thinks this includes gas and air, then no unreasonableness.
Whereas if you said 'no gas and air' then she is bu.

MumInBeds · 03/06/2010 23:42

There are many people who (rightly or wrongly) don't count gas and air as having drugs in birth. She was probably clarifying your thoughts to herself so she could accommodate them.

Also, having had 5 already I'm sure you know that labours can vary a lot even in the same woman, it only takes this one to be a an odd angle and it could make all the difference. By all means aim for whatever birth you like but it's the midwife's job to make sure other options are there if you need them.

QSnondomicile · 03/06/2010 23:49

I had my second the natural way, with no painrelief. It was fine. I am sure you can do the same easily, after 4 kids! I think your midwife just assumed gas and air, as that is the "norm" when it comes to natural birth. I did not have any of that either.

mollycuddles · 03/06/2010 23:59

I am a G&A fan but before and during labour midwives and anaesthetist tried to convince me to try an alternative morphine called remifentanil despite having managed last labour on gas and air. No idea why as this time had a 3hr labour and managed well. Was a bit undermining so yes it is U of midwife and YANBU. I was lucky that DH was supportive of my birth plan and he could see I was coping without the midwife's suggested alternative. My plan said unless labour was delayed, complicated or any issue re babe's position that I wouldn't want anything else. I would suggest you take that line and hope your delivery midwife listens to you.

FairyCakeBump · 04/06/2010 00:00

throws perfectishmum a biscuit

If I could have taken the gas and air home with me, I would have. LOVE the stuff. I had to have my epidural re-sited 3 times and I'm holding the gas and air responsible for my announcing to the entire room that I didn't mind if they stuck needles in my back all night because 'it feels like, y'know, when someone cracks your back and it's nice and crunchy'.

Seriously though, I'd just forget about it. You've made it clear what you want now.

southeastastra · 04/06/2010 00:04

if you did it four times, what happened the fifth?

Original poster
perfectishmum · 04/06/2010 00:14

Dunks biscuit in tea

Southeastastra, second child DD1 was breach, consultant only realised last minute and all scans had been fine, managed to have a normal delivery but was drugged up to the eyeballs, thank god!
Would be more than happy to have meds if that happened again!

OP posts:
Tenalady · 04/06/2010 00:25

Poorbuthappy, you can leave me out of it thanks

Each to their own but blimey I expect like me she doesn't understand why you would want to go through such pain when it can be easier for you to have relief.

Holding my bits at the thought of 6 kids. Surely now you only need to fart and it will come flying out.

Tenalady · 04/06/2010 00:32

Just chuckling to myself, thinking back to my birth plan.

It was to be a waterbirth with a choice of my music playing in the delivery room. I had all the essential oils you are allowed and I requested no pain relief unless it was absolutely essential.

Left my music choice up in the ward, oils and birthing pool never came out of its pack. I had pethadine and epidural and was begging for a c section towards the end

Rollmops · 04/06/2010 08:46

If the ECShadn't been invented, the DTs would still be 'inside', 2.5 years later...
Bless the modern medicine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

skihorse · 04/06/2010 08:50

YANBU.

Perfectly normal for a homebirth without drugs here in NL.

fernie3 · 04/06/2010 08:51

I dont think she is being unreasonable to assume as most people have gas and air even if they dont have anything else.Just ignore her and do it however you want.
I have made 3 birth plans which say I would like painrelief of various forms and each time I have ended up stuck with gas and air so I have the opposite problem that when I talk this time about it people assume that I want to do the same when actually I really dont lol.