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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have thought i was capable of choosing my own food in a restaurant?

75 replies

booyhoo · 01/06/2010 23:23

in a restaurant for lunch yesterday with OH. the waiter addressed all questions to OH including what i would like to order!!! throughout the meal he hovered about and asked OH if everything was ok with the food. i answered that it was. he still didn't look at me or acknowledge me. only when he came to ask how OH was paying and i told him that i was paying by card did he look at me. however even as i was entering my PIN he completely ignored me and talked only to OH about his plans for the day. i have never been treated so badly in a restaurant. i was totally shocked that someone can get away with treating customers like that. needless to say, i did not tip.

OP posts:

BAFE · 01/06/2010 23:25

what type of restaurant was it?

Original poster

booyhoo · 01/06/2010 23:26

a pizza one. not sure if that counts as restaurant but it looked pretty nice.

OP posts:

JaynieB · 01/06/2010 23:27

I had something similar happen in a garage (not that unusual perhaps) - my car, I paid, yet the mechanic did all the talking to my boyfriend (who knew nothing at all about cars).
Rude and chauvinistic behaviour!

LordVolAuVent · 01/06/2010 23:28

Are you perhaps very ugly? Maybe you offended his eyes...

MarineIguana · 01/06/2010 23:31

Ha ha I had a drains bloke round to check our smelly drain - he recommended that the outlet pipe from the dishwasher should be fixed higher up. He said "Perhaps ask your husband to get a bit of string and tie it up a bit higher". I said "Or perhaps I could manage that myself!"

Original poster

booyhoo · 01/06/2010 23:31

it is very possible that i am just too ugly to look at .

it just felt very strange, as if i was not a fully qualified person or something.

what have women been fighting for years to be treated as equals and yet lunch on a bank holiday made me a second class citizen. not on.

OP posts:

LordVolAuVent · 01/06/2010 23:36

Perhaps he fancied your OH.

On a serious note though, quite weird.

Original poster

booyhoo · 01/06/2010 23:40

i actually did think he was flirting with OH. that wouldn't have bothered me, flirt away, you'll be there a long time if you're looking a response but the fact that he completely ignored me, even when taking MY order he asked OH. as in he took OH's order and then said "and?" meaning, what is the other order.

very frustrating. OH was stifling the giggles.

OP posts:

LordVolAuVent · 01/06/2010 23:44

There you have it then. Fancied OH, deeply jealous of you. Couldn't even bring himself to look at you, such was his envy. Slightly psychopathic, but if I were you, I'd pity him.

Katisha · 01/06/2010 23:47

Did you have a menu without prices?
Do those still exist?

Original poster

booyhoo · 01/06/2010 23:48

he was rude, i cant pity that i am afraid!!!

i cant blame im really, OH is quite divine

OP posts:

Original poster

booyhoo · 01/06/2010 23:49

i cant remember if the prices were on it or not. i didn't look for a price

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 01/06/2010 23:53

shockingly rude - was he Italian? Have had that happen to me in Italy, despite me being the one with the only, admittedly rudimentary, ability to speak ITalian.

Bloody chauvinist!

Although quite funny if he did fancy your OH...

Mind you, if your OH didn't stand up for you, I'd have been kicking his shins under the table!

Original poster

booyhoo · 02/06/2010 00:00

i WAS kicking him under the table!!

he didn't realise it was happening at first until i pointed out to him what had happened then when we ordered dessert and the waiter asked OH what i would like OH made a point of looking at me and staying quiet, waiting for me to answer, which of course i did. so he was trying to help, he just found it funny because i am not a meek sort of person and not used to being ignored. i think he enjoyed the attention!!

i dont think this guy was italian, he spoke with an english accent but then i am from Northern ireland so i mightn't have noticed a mix of two accents.

OP posts:

fyimate · 02/06/2010 00:02

Lol!
This happened to me once in a car dealership, my DP saw it immediately and got annoyed at the bloke, needless to say we didnt make a purchase.
But everytime the man rang my DP's phone he gave it to me to answer

If I were you I would have said something or at least kicked OH to say something...or is that worse?

Original poster

booyhoo · 02/06/2010 00:08

i sort of said something in a passive agressive sort of way but i dont think i really made my point.

when he handed me the card machine to put in my PIN it asked if i was giving a gratuity. i asked the waiter what that meant (playing as dumb as he thought i was) and when he told me i said, "oh no, there's definitely no tip."

daft i know, but i felt better for it.

OP posts:

fyimate · 02/06/2010 00:15

Well it's alot more tactful...

I probably would have just said "EXCUSE ME, I am here you know and if you're rude enough to IGNORE the paying customer please fuck off and find me a more proffessional waiter."

But then my DP would have been embarrassed and I would have regretted it.
Oh and probably been asked to leave :P

Original poster

booyhoo · 02/06/2010 00:17

see, i could have said something like that but it would have required OH backing me up when in actual fact he would be in kinks on the floor laughing at me getting my knickers in a twist.

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thumbwitch · 02/06/2010 00:17

oh well done you!
I mean wtf? Who in their right minds is going to pay a tip to some idiot who ignores their very existence?

Just remembered the worst example I had of this was here in Australia - a bloke was coming round to quote for a paint job on the house - not only did he call me 'dear' far too often but he kept addressing all his questions to DH, who knows sfa about decorating and/or colour schemes - so he would ask DH - DH would ask me - I would answer - he would ask DH something else, DH would ask me... etc., etc.

I actually walked out and left them to it because DH started to do what he always does - bullshit about something he knows sfa about. Needless to say, this particular bloke didn't get the contract!

Original poster

booyhoo · 02/06/2010 00:24

i was really shocked. i have never ever felt that i was anything less than equal to OH. i know this sort of thing exists and happens all the time but had never experienced it. i must be very lucky. it has actually made me quite aware of how men people are talking to me and how i respond. like my dad this evening, said "the next time OH is home get him to pull up those weeds for you." i practically jumped down his throat. poor dad.

OP posts:

fyimate · 02/06/2010 00:29

Hahaha aww. Taking out all that pent up anger on your poor dad, who may I add probably sees you more as "too good" for weed pulling rather than it being "too hard"
But men dont always engage their brain before they speak.

Original poster

booyhoo · 02/06/2010 00:38

true FYI, he probably thought i was too good for dirty work like that , silly man.

OP posts:

MPuppykin · 02/06/2010 08:36

This happened to me yesterday at the vets. DH and I took our cats and dogs for their vaccinations and the parrot for its beak trim. DH sat with the dogs on the other side of the room, I held all the animals for each examination and answered all the questions, and the vet did not look me in the eye ONCE, and directed all questions and comments to DH. DH did not even NOTICE, but I was furious. I even wondered if the vet was one of those people who are phobic about pregnant women. I started asking irrelevant questions to see if he would deign to look at me, but nada.

It has rarely happened... usually at the mechanics or some 'guy' place like that, but I was so angry yesterday.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 02/06/2010 08:39

Katisha - At The Reform Club, there are only prices on the members menu

BecauseImWorthIt · 02/06/2010 08:40

I run my own business, with a business partner. We have a PA who deals with admin and financial affairs, including our company pension. My job title is, and has been for the last 12 years, Managing Director.

I had a call from our pension company, suggesting it would be a good time to review our arrangements, and so I told them that they were talking to the wrong person - I was going to refer them to my PA. The guy on the phone said to me "oh, does your husband deal with your financial affairs then?"

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