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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that I shouldn't be treated as some kind of 'pariah' because of this????

86 replies

tiredemma · 01/06/2010 16:05

My Inlaws have asked if they can have our children over to stay with them in France for two weeks in August. Wonderful opportunity for them, great opportunity for Dp and I to go off and do something during that time. Great.

I made lots of sensible, rational enquiries and have arranged for them to fly as Unaccompanied Minors with Swissair. Lots of info online and it seems to be a very well planned service

I have made the huge mistake of telling a relative of mine this. She is fairly neurotic at the best of times and is now comparing me (in her words) "to the McCanns" FGS. She is also now obviously tying (for whatever reason) to make me "see sense" and cancel the flight "in case it crashes".
I am well aware of the risks involved with any mode of travel and took this into account when booking the flight. She has also told other relatives about it and seems quite keen to draw them into her hysteria.

I am actually quite pissed off at her attempts to make me feel like I am just dumping my kids at Heathrow airport without a care in the world.

I thought that this would be an exciting opportunity for them. Should I be feeling guilty now??

Hit me with it.

OP posts:

Pootles2010 · 01/06/2010 16:21

Good point gaga - the airlines wouldn't allow it if there was the slightest doubt.

myredquattro · 01/06/2010 16:24

YANBU
How long is the flight, 1hour? They'll probably land just as you get back home from the airport. I remember DH dropping me at the airport when I was flying to Paris. I phoned him on landing at CDG and he was still stuck on the M25!

CantSupinate · 01/06/2010 16:27

What happened at our school was this:

This is the scene:
McCann case heavily dominating every newspaper/broadcast for previous 2 weeks.
So one day, 7yo child (yr3) goes missing after school for 25 minutes.
Child's father storms into headteacher's office, screaming about calling police, threatening everything under the sun, teachers & TAs & staff running around the streets and the premises trying to find the child. One of them specifically said to me "It's so scarey in light of recent news stories."

What happened next, come on, guess, guess, guess?

I'll give you a hint, the same thing happened to me when I was 7yo.

Child was found on her own front step, 8 minutes walk away, she had missed seeing her dad in the playground & presumed that he had just forgotten her that day, so she walked home (my mother really did forget me one day ).

So now school doesn't release yr3's without seeing their designated adult, so that little bit of independence gone.

Also, I have heard people say very weird things about how dangerous the world has become, citing "Look at what happened to that little girl in Portugal" say my American relatives (sigh).

Shaz10 · 01/06/2010 16:28

Sounds fine to me. I bet they'll absolutely love the adventure and remember it for a long time.

Humdrumhappiness · 01/06/2010 16:35

I flew when I was 12, admittedly I was older than your kids but the service was very good and I was looked after the whole time. I wouldn't worry. The airlines do it all the time and the service is designed for this type of thing.

Pootles2010 · 01/06/2010 16:38

Am quite suprised that they don't make sure parents are there to pick them up actually, but not got kids in school yet so prob just me being naive.

But it is infuriating the way people go on about how dangerous the world is 'nowadays'.

BritFish · 01/06/2010 16:43

i dont get the handover/pick up thing at all. seems like a complete waste of teachers/ta time. when my two were at primary/junior school we didnt have it, they just waited in the playground until whoever was coming to pick them up picked them up. and all the kids at that school had the stranger danger stuff. in all the time i had two kids there, there was not one single incident.
i just dont understand it at all, takes away kids independance and judgement imo...

mumtolawyer · 01/06/2010 16:44

Your relative is being utterly unreasonable. My DD (8) flew unaccompanied minor at Easter and will do so again in the summer. Children are accompanied by the airline staff at all times and a lot of hte time you have to remain in the airport till they've gone, and they do a physical handover to a picture (eg passport) identified person - I had to provide a picture and the other person had to have a picture ID. The risk is minimal. Let them do it.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/06/2010 16:45

I would not engage with your relative about this. be blunt if you have to. Say 'I do not want to discuss this' and repeatr ad infinitum. It is nothing to do with her.

I flew as an unaccompanied minor to Kenya (with stoppver at Basle) when I was 10. It was great fun. makes you feel really grown up and responsible. Plus the flight attendants spoilt me rotten and gave me sweets, and accompanied me to the Swatch shop at Basle. I loved it.

You know your own children. I am sure if they were nervous and anxious travellers you wouldn't even consider it. Don't let your confidence in your own parenting be shaken by your relative.

myredquattro · 01/06/2010 16:45

Pootles, most schools look for the designated adult whilst kids are in the infants but from Y3, they are given a little more independence.

wilkos · 01/06/2010 16:46

dss has used BA's unaccompanied minor service since he was 7 to fly between london and scotland. they are not left alone for any period once you wave them off. it is a very safe service, I imagine swiss air will be even safer tbh.

he's now 12 and can fly on his own - i think hes going to miss being mollycoddled!

tell her to butt out

Original poster

tiredemma · 01/06/2010 16:51

Sincere thanks for all of your posts.

I think my children are really fortunate to have this opportunity and all of your encouraging words are making me feel more positive and confident in how I deal with her irrational response to my parenting choices.

OP posts:

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 01/06/2010 17:02

Pootles - at my dses' primary school, when the children were in the Infants (reception, yr1 and yr2), the teacher wanted to see the parent/carer who was collecting the child before they sent the child out into the playground.

When the children got up to the Juniors (yrs3-6) they were expected to be sensible enough to find their parent or the person collecting them in the playground, but were all told that if they couldn't find the parent, they should come back in to the school office.

This arrangement was partly due to the layout of the school - each Infant class had its own door into the playground, so the teacher could stand at the door and eyeball each parent as she sent the children out, but the Juniors only had three doors into the playground, so it was not practical for each class teacher to come down with the children and stand at the door to try to spot 'their' parents amongst the many round the doors.

And of course quite a lot of the older children were walking home on their own.

sue52 · 01/06/2010 17:17

YANBU. When my daughter was 10 I packed her off to Hong Kong as an unaccompanied minor. BA staff took care of her and I believe the experience helped her grow in confidence. Send the children away on a lovely adventure and ignore the prophet of doom.

ifancyashandy · 01/06/2010 17:17

I was an ex-pat brat for a while (not suggesting your kids are brats at all! Tis just what we got called!) and had to fly to whereever parents were around the world. I bloody loved it! Felt sooooo grown up and you (if you are a nice kids, which yours will be!) get spoilt rotten by cabin crew. I did it from age 7. Your kids wont be allowed out of crews sight. And I bet there'll be other UM on the flight too.

pocketmonster · 01/06/2010 17:28

YANBU - your relative is.

I flew from the age of 6 long haul, with my brother who was 3 years older. We got spoiled rotten and had a great time.

Bumperlicious · 01/06/2010 17:33

It's none of their business. How exciting for your children!

I remember offering to take my teenage bro and sis to the IMAX in London, DH and I were going to meet them there, and it was such a lot of stress, they hadn't known the right tickets to buy and were really anxious by the time they got to us. I just couldn't get over the fact that they didn't know how to make a journey on a train as teenagers. And to this day at 23 and 25 they have never visited me of their own volution (though to be fair my now married 23 yo sister has to make her way home to Germany on her own sometimes).

I think this trip will teach your children a lot about independence but in a safe way. You are obviously going to worry a little bit, but don't let these relatives get you hyped up.

foureleven · 01/06/2010 17:36

Oh for god's sake some people are soooooo anal. Of course its ok. You'd be no use to them if the plane crashed anyway, even if you were there.

She's probably just jealous that youre going to have a wonderful kid free two weeks romping about with your husband and shes going to have kids tied to her apron strings all summer..

(foureleven is feeling jealous of you too)

gibbberish · 01/06/2010 17:37

YANBU. My girls flew as unaccompanied minors a few times when they were younger and absolutely loved it. Were spoiled rotten, given VIP treatment and were even allowed in the cockpit on one trip!

They will love it.

LilRedWG · 01/06/2010 17:41

They will love it, your ILs will love it and you will love it! Ignore raving relative.

5DollarShake · 01/06/2010 17:44

YANBU. This sort of thing is GOOD for children - does wonders for their confidence and shows them what they are capable of.

Some people would have children wrapped in cotton wool until they leave home, at which point they're fit for nothing.

Lizzylou · 01/06/2010 17:50

This is your decision to make about your DC.
You seem to have throughly researched before making your decision and were happy with your plans before this interfering boot started on. The airline wouldn't take your DC on board without knowing they have arrangements and procedures in pace.

FWIW some of my favourite chidlhood holidays were those we had with my grandparents, 2 weeks (in Bournemouth, oh for France!) every year. We really got to know them as people, had a lovely strong relationship, it is a lovely thing to do.

Lucky boys

Shaz10 · 01/06/2010 17:58

Lol at "interfering boot". Lizzylou you're ace.

Thediaryofanobody · 01/06/2010 18:03

Your relative sounds like one of those people who thinks every man in a pedophile. Seriously what's going to happen to a child on an airplane full of passengers?!

I would tell her if she can't keep her opinions to herself then you'd rather have nothing more to do with her.

mumbar · 01/06/2010 18:04

YANBU.

Is this relative related to you or DH??? Is he/she jelous because her kids haven't been asked??

They will be sat on a plane where exactly can they go or be taken ffs

hope they enjoy their time with GP's and you and DH enjoy the peace

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