To say my ds cant have a specific drink at parties

[Lonnie]

My 8 year old goes absolutely hyper for several hours after he has a fruit shoot. Because of this I have banned them in the house and they are not allowed to get them if we are out. (I am fairly relaxed about drinks when we are out as at home they drink water milk and juice I do not mind the occational fizzy drink or milkshake when we are out)

However lately I have noticed that at parties it is fruitshoots that gets served and ds is horrific for 3-4 hours after completely hyper shouts and you can literally see him twitch as his body is reacting to something in this drink. I have in the past said ok I can cope with it the few parties but there is a further 4 parties coming up over the next 5 weeks (2 we have ivites to and 3 I know about already but no invite yet) right now he is shouting at the top of his lungs FOOTBALL CRAZY FOOTBALL MADDDD EVERYBODIES CHEERING SO YOU SHOULD ALL BE GLAD it has been going on for 20 mins and the girls are all very fed up (he is single boy around 4 girls) this off course sets him off even more and we are in a vicious circle.

Due to this I am planning on letting the parents know that he is not to have fruitshoots at parties he feels I am utterly unresonable. This would not usually deteer me but his older sisters are somewhat agreeing with me (even though they admit he is annoying) this threw me as they are usually both very sensible girls.

so AIBU?

What's in a fruitshoot that's not in Lemonade?

But you can dictate whatever you like to parents, but at eight he should be old enough to refuse.

Are you certain it's the Fruitshoots and not just that he's hyped up having been to a party?
If it was one of mine I would be saying that if they can't behave appropriately once home from the party then they wouldn't be going to any more parties. I would make allowances for a degree of excited behaviour after at party though.

I think you need to make him understand that he should not have them. The parents at a party for 8yo will not be keeping that close an eye on them every minute, so he would almost certainly be able to get hold of one if he chose to, no matter what you had said to the parents. By 8 he needs to understand that it's his responsibility to say "No, they don't agree with me" and have something else instead.

It's unreasonable to insist that party parents enforce the rule for you.

Surely he's old enough to refuse them, and ask for water, it won't only be FS but are you sure it isnlt just a general sugar rush . You can't expect other parents to do it for you , sorry.

I agree that fruit shoots can hype some kids up but I am unsure why it would be fruit shoots only and not also a range of other foods which he might get at the party? DS1 was also like yours when younger but he reacted badly to the colourings and artificial sweeteners in a range of things such as Skittles, Smarties (at the time, they have changed their composition now), those vile pink wafers that used to be served at every swimming or trampolining party in the our local leisure centre, etc.

I think it is perfectly fair to ask him not to have them but while you could ask the parents involved not to give him one, you have to accept that they can only do their best. If everyone else is having one and he tantrums because he can't have one, then you need to accept that they may well shove one at him anyway. Also if they have loads of kids there their sister/MIL/whoever is helping out may well give him one before they find out.

I agree with the poster who said that at 8 he is probably old enough to start taking some responsibility himself for something which presumably doesn't make him feel good. We discovered DS1's tantrums were due to E numbers and sweeteners when he was about 5 and from that point on he himself used to refuse things that were very obviously contributing to the problem.

It is 100% the fruitshoots as when he has been to parties that are not serving them we do not have the issue.

He gets it when we discuss it at home but at parties sense seems to leave him.

I would obviously let him know before hand so it was not the parents enforcing the rule merely them upholding my opinion/rule

YANBU to tell your DS not to drink fruit shoots if you'd rather he didn't, but YABU to try to get other parents to instigate the rule in your absence. If I was the parent of the party child, I'd be pretty pissed off, and would think that you're rather demanding. You could always send your DS with his own drink in his own sports bottle or whatever if it's such an issue.

Did you ever see, though, the episode of (I think it was) supernanny when they did the experiment with children at parties? They have one group sugary food and nice, calm entertainment (craft stuff, stories) and the other group organic veg type stuff and mad, crazy party games and then asked parents to guess which food they'd eaten based on their behaviour. Surprise, suprise - the parents of the hyped up kids guessed that they were the ones who'd been eating sugary food, when acutally it wa the other way round, and the conclusion was that the things the children had been doing had made the difference, not the food - exciting activies led to excited, excitable children.

So it's not worth me trying Fruitshoots to get some energy, then

Yes I have seen the experiement you mention Evil Twins.

I am not intending to make other parents do something I wouldn't enforce at home and as I said I would tell him straight up that he wasnt allowed it.

I have held parties where certain kids were not allowed stuff due to allergies or even dislikes and I do try to cater for that (dislike was obviously not an not allowed more a my child will not ear) So I dont really see this a biggy personally

my child will not eat not ear lol

I wouldn't see it as a problem, especially if you brought something he could drink instead.
It's not a big thing to ask other parents to deal with surely? As a teacher, I'm making this sort of accommodation all the time for all sorts of needs.
Some children react strongly to certain additives.
My DD can't cope with caffeine so she drinks her vodka neat whilst her friends mix it with Red Bull.
She is 19 though, not suggesting either as alternative beverages for your DS.

I still think YABU to expect another parent to uphold this rule in your absence. If your DS was totally happy with it, THEN it would be no "biggie", but the fact is, HE thinks you're being unreasonable, and, being 8, and given that the other kids might be drinking fruitshoots, he might decide to flout your rule, and, given that you won't be there, that will put another parent in the position of having to tell your DS off, or get into some kind of confrontation with him, which is massively unfair on the other parent.

I think you should only do this if you are 100% sure that your DS won't even ATTEMPT to drink a fruitshoot.

And by the way, you can't exactly compare this to you making allowances for allergies or intolerances when you've hosted a party. Your DS is not going to die from drinking a fruitshoot, like a child with a severe nut allergy, for example, might.

YABU.

fruit shoots affect me dd2 in that way as does coke, fanta but not lemonade. I think its a colouring thing mainly although the caffiene in coke doesnt help. She is 8 and is aware she shouldnt drink them but will push it if she can get away with it.

Ingredients of fruit shoots -- does he react the same when he has any of these ingredients in other drinks or foods?

Some ingredients, aspartame, additives, preservatives and colours can affect behaviour, and these can be investigated by an allergist -- this might be worthwhile because a lot of foods and drinks contain the same ingredients that are in fruit shoots.

I don't think you can tell the party parents he can't have fruit shoots without at least offering to provide something else for your DS to drink. And I agree that he should be held responsible for his own drinking at parties at age 8, and also suggest that no-one at home should have to put up with 20 minutes of insane yelling. If he's going to do that he should be doing it in the garden shed or somewhere out of earshot of the rest of the family.

could you perhaps use a fruit shoot bottle and fill it with juice? He's probably too old for that to work, but it might?? Maybe it's that he is being treated differently to the other children that he doesn't like, so if they see him drinking from a fruit shoot bottle then he will be ok????

Tbh I think that you need to have a reasoned discussion with him at this age.

It's IMO a bit like an older person that can't handle their drink - you can reason with him that he shouldn't drink them, but that if he does then he needs to take responsibility for the consequences ie the punishments he will be given for his behavior as a result.

I think yabu to say he can't have them, but would be inclined to talk to him to persuade him against it.

Why dont u do an experiment at home?
Give him a fruit shoot in a bottle or glass and dont tell him what it is - he will already have an expectation of what 'happens' when he has one and see if he gets the same reaction in a calm environment at home?

At least you will know whether it is the fruit shoots or not.

Alot of kids pick up on the act that something they shouldne have makes them wild and play up on that too.

or give him something else in a fruitshoot bottle and see if he has the same reaction?

My DS is 5 and he reacts in exactly the same way to fruitshoots...and everything with aspartame in it. So yes there is a huge huge difference between lemonade which in most cases is essentially water,sugar and flavourings and fruitshoots and the like which are full of chemicals.

DS knows he can't have fruitshoots or anything like that but can drink a small amount of lemonade (not diet which is where the aspartame comes in) so I would say that if a 5 year old can say no then an 8 year old can as well.

And believe me Im not a hugely health conscious mum lol! He has sweets,chocolates,crisps etc but anything with aspartame makes him like the devil possessed and its no fun for anyone.

Well I would bribe him! He is old enough to know he shouldn't have them. You could send him with another drink that he doesn't react to or he could just have water. And after the party you will know by his behaviour apparently if he has had one. If he hasn't then you could give him a treat or something he likes. With my DS (also 8) it would be a football comic or some Match Attax or something.

If he is turning down the Fruitshoot he should get something out of it!

HopperShopper

Ive done the experiment I know for a fact it is the fruit shoot

it makes sense it is something like aspartame as we rarely have any thing like that in the house (I cant stand the taste of artifitial sweetners) I have considered the colouring I have to admit but it doesnt happen if he eats other things with colouring in..

Yes he is old enough to know better he is also at the age where it is hard to say no to doing what all his friends are doing. But I may try to do the other similar drinks to see if he will be ok with those..

And Budaisinthezone if im to do that it is cool cash with him (he likes to save!) so can turn out expensive he is the born negotiator lol

send hime with a drink(in a fruit shoot bottle, so that he looks the same as everyone else)

What's his favourite drink? Maybe send him along with a few of these, so he knows its not about punishing him, just your concern for him. Mention to the hosts why you've done it and they may keep an eye out for you without feeling like they're being TOLD to.