AIBU to study a full time intensive course?

[ibangthedrums]

I am due to start an MSc in Sept to retrain. It is v v intense and involves placements. I had planned to put the DC (4 - just missed school intake and 1) into full time nursery/pe school and treat it like a full time job so don't have to work evenings/weekends on a regular basis.

DS1 could go to pre school attached to his school for 3 hours in the mornings, which would be good for his development but it would mean me picking him up (eating into study time) to take him to nursery when I can or relying on DH/Mil when I am at Uni or on placement which would be tricky to say the least.

I have just spoken to my Mum who says I should arrange things differently and they should not do full time, esp DS2 and DS1 should go to his school pre school. I would have to study at weekends etc. DH is supportive but works v long hours so it it fair to ask him to do a 50hr week at least and then all weekend?

I feel now as if doing this course is a v selfish move, esp as I already have a good job (on career break at the moment). I could maybe defer but I am worried about what is happening to HE with the cutbacks and it is a funded healthcare course which I could not do if I had to pay the fees. On that basis I think it may be better to do it whilst the course it still there!

AIBU to arrange things in this way?

No you are not unreasonable, it's easier to do it now than when they are at full time school in my experience I wish I'd got on with it 5 years ago.

If it's nursing it's really unlikely to be cut so you could wait til its easier for you - perhaps when they're in full-time school?

It sounds like a lot of work.

Couldn't you put both children into full time nursery?

It is Occupational Therapy, and is normally delivered at BSc but this is an MSc over two years so more intense.

My plan was for both to be full time but Mum basically has said I am being selfish so I am wondering if I am!?

A short full time course can be easier to manage than a longer part time one. Is part time an option for this course?

If you and your DH feel that full time nursery for the DC is the best option to get you through the year (it is a year isn't it?), then I would stick with your original plan. If you are going to be going to placements as part of your course, it might be completely impractical at times to be moving children from preschool to nursery, and possibly disruptive for them as well.

Good luck with it.

What is 'full time'?

Not unreasonable to want to study, but I would reorganise the childcare. I think its unfair for your DH to do a 50 hour working week and then have total weekend responsibility,and also unfair on your MIL to do childcare. I think your first plan is good - treat it like a full time job (which it is, really!) and organise your childcare accordingly. By trying to squeeze it into evenings/weekends its putting a bit of a burden on the others in your family.

P.S they are your children, and your DHs - not your mums! Don't let her dictate what she thinks you 'ought' to do!!

It is two years with 3 ten week placements. No PT option. It wa v competitive to get on to.

I have looked at loads of ways of DS1 being able to go to pre school but it just seems impractical. I would try and be flexible with my time so they don't have to go all week every week - esp in the hols.

I am very aware though that i am just one of four in the family and it's not all about me!

Oh, and agree with Violethill. I dont think that studying while DH is around to do all the childcare is goond for your relationship... where would your time together be? And time together with the two of you and the children.

Look at it as a full time job and arrange childcare for the time you 'work'

I asked the question about how long 'full time' is out of curiosity really.

Oops cross posts OP.

I see that the course is two years. I don't think you're being selfish, it is possible but it is a potentially big commitment. Don't underestimate it. I say it as someone that has mentored several mums through a full time qualification and one through a part time one. The part time mum had the hardest slog because it was harder for her to carve out time to get her course work done, but it was still worth it to her in the end.

I'm doing a part-time postgraduate course while working full time and have my daughter in nearly-full time nursery (1 day at home with her daddy who works flexibly). In my experience of doing either full-time study or the combo I have now is that yes you must treat it as a full-time job. However, you don't have to think that everything has to happen within 9-5. If its full time then you will need around 35-40 hours a week. Most of it can be fitted into 9-5 but perhaps some of it can be arranged to be done in the evenings or in a few hours on the weekend? In my case I drop my dd of at nursery (the days she goes to nursery) at 8. I've got a minute to walk to my building so I'm at work just gone 8. Then I pick her up at 4.30 pm after and we go home for play and cosy time until 7pm which is her bedtime. A quick dinner for dp and me (pasta, beans on toast that sort of thing) and then we both get back to work. My dp and I decided that we could both do with exchanging telly time with more career focused activity so we both work in the evening before bed. This means a lot as we're sharing the evening-working habit and sit together at the dining table. We also pour the other that essential glass of wine/cup of tea. Maybe you can do something similar wiht your hubby? Both of you decide that in the year you study you will both focus on your work outside of family time so that you will both advance your career.

Also, remember the positives. Outside of your placements and your lectures you have more flexibility than you will (probably) have at any other point in your life and that is a blessing with children. I would advise you to make a really good project plan (GNAT chart). That will help you plan properly for essays and exams and placements, times when you will need help from outside. Much easier getting the childcare sorted out in advance.

A further little hint. Given the cuts in funding the universities are experiencing at the moment you may well find, as you hint at, that your course disappear. Or with increased competition that you can't get in. So I would say get on with it. Its will be tough but oh so very rewarding. If you want to talk more about my experience then your very welcome to message.

I think that your plan sounds fine. You will be no different to any mum who does a full-time paid job.

Put them both into full-time nursery. The pre-school year will follow the same EYFS curriculum as any pre-school.

You can use your govt funded place to cover part of DS1's fees. Your DH can get his employer to join one of the childcare voucher schemes (Busy Bees, etc) so that he gets tax relief on up to £243 of child care each month, directly from his salary.

Go for it!

YANBU. The way you propose to do it is the easiest on everyone - I did my degree and LPC part time and it was incredibly gruelling (though was also working full time, but let's face it, if you've got two small children not in nursery, that's full time work as well).

Do it full time and keep evenings and weekends free as much as possible - the children won't suffer from being in nursery.

I just finished the coursework portion of a postgrad. I had a year long traineeship before the course started, so both DCs were with DH's sister while I worked and did my courses (she's a registered childminder, so we did pay her). I studied at weekends, too, because I could go to the library and we wouldn't be paying the extra childcare. He also works long hours, but they are his children, too, so he bears as much responsibility as I do.
It worked. Yes, we had to REALLY plan time together, and we did feel like we didn't spend enough time together. We communicated and worked together, and it was hard, but we're fine. DCs are great...they loved being at playgroup part time, and love their Auntie to bits.
It will be really hard, OP, but if you have a supportive DH, and others, you will make it work.

I did a similar course to train as a Speech and Language Therapist - a 2 year MSc, where they squish the four year undergrad course into 2 years. I will not lie... it was HARD WORK. I didn't have children at the time, but there were several women on the course who did, and they managed ok, with quite substantial commutes as well. The tutors were very very supportive of people in there position, with constant reminders that in order to qualify you don't need to ace every assignment - you basically just need to pass.

Very difficult decision though. I am eternally grateful that I did it when I did it. To be honest, I don't think I would attempt it now with a family, but if it's what you really really want, then it is definitely achievable. You will need to be very very organised... and good at legging it out of lectures etc on the dot of whenever they finish!

Oh dear... their their their.

As you can see, I am a professional language expert...

ibangthedrums, just wanted to say what a worthwhile thing for you to do. The long term benefits are fantastic re: career preservation/progress. Take whatever funding is offered at this time, you are right in pressing on.

If you can afford it, definitely use ft childcare, for the sanity of yourself and family. 2 years is a fairly long time so you need whatever option to be sustainable.

All the best!

Thanks everyone.

MrsMellowdrummer - do you think my estimate of 35-40 hours per week is an accurate one?

Hmmm, a difficult one. I know that I did way more than that, but it didn't necessarily need to be done at uni, iyswim. We had to be fairly flexible - the lecture schedule changed each term, and the placement load depended a lot on individual services.

There were ways of making it easier though. It wasn't strictly necessary to attend every lecture, for instance. Some were more crucial than others, and you could often get away with asking friends for notes, or just doing good reading yourself. You could also sometimes ask for special consideration when placements were distributed - for example asking for something local to you (often more achievable if you volunteered to sort it out yourself), or something with a particular specialism that you were interested in. I did a lot of work in the departmental library because I found that the best place to work quickly and efficiently. Students with families often scooted off as soon as they were able, and worked at home instead to fit around their families.

Maybe you could ask the department if they can show you this year's timetable, which would give you a bit of an idea. I think the women I trained with all found that the lecturers etc were all very eager to help them, as long as they were upfront about their commitments. Most OTs I know are lovely lovely people - and the profession is all about enabling and helping people achieve their goals isn't it.

it's a really different balance to achieve. I'm not sure there is a right or wrong answer but it is amazing how quickly the 2 years will go. I currently work 3 days a week and do a full time degree course which means being away from home for 2 out of every 3 weekends. DH looks after our 2 ds's aged 4 and 8 years. All I would say is that childcare is far easier when they are pre-school as the days are usually longer. I would go for the option of full time nursery with your DH and mum for support, particularly around the time of writing your thesis etc when you will need weekends and all the extra time that you can get.

It can certainly be done although it will be hard work, i would go for it. I am now at the end of the 1st year of my 3 year course, it has been incredibly hard and at times I have wondered why I have bothered thinking I would rather spend the weekend at home, but I am sure it will be worth it. good luck with making your decision. The thing I found hardest when deciding whether or not to do my course was that there was no right or wrong answer, it was just a question of balance. Just think by the time your dc are 3 and 6 it could all be over!!!

Actual lecture time will only be 1.5 days, but there will be other things I will need to do at Uni - e.g group work etc.

Was basically planning to spend the rest of the week doing reading etc.

For the dissertation we get a term "off". We have to spend 80hrs practical work and then write up the dissertation.

From speaking to the others at the interview they were all early 20s fresh from Uni so I may well be one of the few with little children which may be good or bad!

ibangthedrums - I did a full-time masters a few years ago. it was incredibly hard and very rewarding. I had childcare in place for 4 days a week, plus 2.5 hours on a friday in term time. because I treated it, like you propose, as a job, this was do-able. I was so much more organised and discliplined than any of the 20-somethings. I knew I had no mucking about time. or, rather, my "mucking about" time was family time at the weekend. It was a bit tough come exam time and I did need some extra help from dh - did need to work some weekends. but basically it was fine. I think - if you can afford it - your suggestion is MUCH better than your mums - which would require more juggling, more pressure on you, more pressure on the family as a whole. she is probably thinking the opposite - that somehow, with less childcare you'll have more flexibility and more family care - but I really strongly believe she's wrong. if well-intentioned .

on another note - when I say I was organised I was SUPER organised. at the beginning of the year I decided my options based a little bit around what I thought I would do best in. I allocated my time, very strictly to each subject - including vacation-time reading and note making, and exam practice - worked it all out in proportion to how much of my final mark they were worth. It worked out well - it was a day per subject, plus my extra 2.5 hours for whatever I felt I wasn't quite up to speed with.

good luck with it all - you'll really enjoy it I'm sure.

When I had 3 children the age of yours I worked. We (never the mother's responsibility of course to find childcare as children have two parents) found someone to come to thouse at 8 and leave at 6 and that worked well

One good thing about the course - no exams!!!! That should mean I can plan my time over the two years a bit more effectively

I don't think I actually get a choice on what modules I study either.