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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that if you have the option of using a toilet...

37 replies

Psammead · 31/05/2010 10:44

you don't let a child pee on a fence?

I am a new mum, and have a friend who also has a baby and an older son (4ish).

We had been at my house and decided to go for a walk. We went out the back way, and happened to see my next-door-neighbour in her garden whilst walking down the path at the back of the houses.

My friend and I both know her and stopped to chat. After a while, my friend's son said that he needed to have a wee, so I grabbed my house keys from my pocket and gave them to my friend. The house was about 40 yards away.

My friend refused, saying that he would just pee up the back fence of my neighbour's garden. I said 'no, it's fine, just go and use the bathroom' but she laughed and said something about not worrying about that kind of thing once your kids get older. My neighbour made a face, but didn't say anything. Not sure if she was making a face because of the boy peeing on her fence, or if she was making a face to make fun of my sensibilities IYSWIM - my friend's tone of voice implied that I was being silly to be concerned about it.

The child wasn't desperate to go, there would have been plenty of time to get back to my house. My bathroom was nice and clean - I had only just done it that morning so it's not like it didn't come up to her standards or something.

Am I being unreasonable to think that children should be taught to use a toilet where possible? Obviously in an emergency it's different. Or am I just a naive new mum who has all this to come? It didn't bother me hugely - it happened a couple of months ago actually, but it pops back into my mind now and again and I can't decide if IABU to feel it was a bit unnecessary!

OP posts:
imahappycamper · 31/05/2010 12:46

YANBU
I wouldn't want someone's child peeing up my fence, and probably attracting local dogs to do the same. In an emergency yes, but best avoided.

slushy06 · 31/05/2010 12:55

YANBU I see a lot of mum's who have boys doing this I have never felt the need for ds age4 to do it in fact a friend suggested he do it because she couldn't be bothered to walk back to the toilets and ds screamed I want to pee in a toilet .

RunawayWife · 31/05/2010 13:03

YANBU it is nasty

Sassybeast · 31/05/2010 13:05

YANBU - it's minging, although not quite as minging as people letting thier kids pee on the beach or in playgrounds. It's a minging and anti social habit - stale urine STINKS. I have quite a few kids and have NEVER needed to let them pee in public thanks to the wonders of a porta potty

smokinaces · 31/05/2010 13:11

YANBU. We were round a friends house the other week and I caught DS1 (nearly 4) peeing up the fence - he did it because the elder son (8, ASD) did it and he thought it was ok. I was horrified, and apologised to the mum and offered to wash it down - she equally apologised that her son had done it in the first place and encouraged my son. Both boys got a stern talking to about the use of toilets (of which they have two!)

I hate peeing in public unless its really unavoidable. and 9 times out of 10 a toilet is within a decent reach.

drinkyourmilk · 31/05/2010 13:18

I use a porta potty, but every now and then it's forgotten - so in that circumstance I help dc (2years) to pee in the gutter or behind a bush - but only if she def can't get to a loo.

Helenastar · 31/05/2010 13:33

YANBU
However I am ashamed to admit that my DD has actually gone for a wee behind a tree in the park a couple of times.
She is very good at using the toilet before we go out and I have never needed a porta potty as she can usually make it to a public toilet, however whenever she sees friends down the park she has a tendency to get very excited and that is when she really needs the loo!!

1Littleboy1Bigboy · 31/05/2010 13:56

i have a porta potty for number 2 and i take an empty juice bottle with screw on lid for number 1 with my son. Dont have to keep replacing the potty liners then for the tiniest amounts of wee!

MadamDeathstare · 31/05/2010 13:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigWeeHag · 31/05/2010 16:14

DS1 has peed all over the place. I always try to find a drain or tree, but he gives me approximately 0.5 seconds warning that it is happening.

You think that's bad, he's pooed under trees before. Which I have then scooped up in a nappy bag gags and put in the dog poo bin.

I long for the day when he realises he needs to go before it is about to happen. For the time being, I think public peeing is better than wet pants and the indignity and discomfort of that.

PS he won't use a porta potty, we had one for a couple of years. Well, he will use it, if it is in a toilet, which kind of defeats the point.

moomaa · 31/05/2010 20:23

Twice now we have had to pull over and DS (3) has pooed at the side of the road, yes we have always picked it up, it is pretty gross. Better than pooing his pants though.

I have let him wee against trees out in the park, I'd rather he do that than take him to wee in the skanky park toilets, where I'd have to take DD in with me and she would touch everything. I don't think it's a big deal for preschoolers to wee discretly when out and about but would never let him against soomeone's fence or against any building. I also wouldn't do it with a nice clean toilet offered so YANBU

thesecondcoming · 31/05/2010 20:36

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maxmissie · 31/05/2010 20:48

Sometimes parks don't have any toilets or they are miles away and in such cases my dd has done a wee behind a tree/bush. Can't see that this type of situation is a problem, plenty of people walking in the countryside have no choice but to do this if they're caught short. However doing a wee against a fence, especially a fence to someone's garden, is really not good!

Also agree that alot of public toilets, especially in parks, are exceptionally skanky - my dd has often refused to use them and then sadly ends up wetting herself.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 31/05/2010 20:56

CAlm down, it is only preschooler wee... But in the situation you mention OP (also have a nearly 4yr old DS) I would have accepted your offer to use the bathroom. DS does sometimes need to wee on the way home from preschool, as he often forgets to go whilst there, but I encourage him to do it in the gutter and always ask if he can wait till we get home (sometimes he is bursting).

thesecondcoming · 31/05/2010 21:50

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cyb · 31/05/2010 21:51

my ds has pee'ed in the park and in some bushes oon the beach today. Dogs lift their legs ANYWHERE. why are we so prisssy about a bit of boy wee

MumNWLondon · 31/05/2010 21:56

would only let him (DS, aged 4) wee in public like that if he was really desperate and he wouldn't make it to the nearest toilet.

Also difference IMO between newly trained 2 YO and a 4 YO who should be able to wait.

I would have taken him to your toilet. But if it was when he was newly trained aged 2 would have pulled his trousers down and not risked it.

losingtheplotthisweek · 31/05/2010 22:08

YANBU,I would have been very embarassed if a friend had done this with one of my neighbours.

My DH is a pub manager and I blame mothers like your friend for the way his customers feel free to pee up the pub wall on their way home.

SolidGoldBrass · 31/05/2010 22:11

If there is no loo nearby then I don't think it's the end of the world for a kid to wee in the bushes (or down a storm drain). But it's better to use a loo if there is one.

rookiemater · 31/05/2010 22:19

YANBU. Nothing wrong with a 4 yr old taking an alfresco wee if there are no other options, but we always make DS go to the loo if there is one available.

thesecondcoming · 31/05/2010 22:20

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toastandmarmiterocks · 31/05/2010 22:37

YANBU!!! I think it is disgusting to pee in public. Of course there have to be exceptions. A newly trained 2 year old probably can't hold on (although I would give it a try). My girls will find a "wee tree" if caught short in the park, I hate it but if they have to go they have to go. I make sure its away from any playground and in a secluded area.

I was horrified to watch my lazy SIL with her boys. At my MIL's house the 3 1/2 year old needed the loo, she couldn't be bothered to take him inside so made him do it right next to us but pointing towards a flower bed!!! My 2 1/2 yr old and 4 1/2 yr old had to play in that garden!! Another time at her wedding her 2 yr old needed a pee and he did it right next to the table we were all eating at!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for all the exclamation marks but that one still makes me furious and astounded!

I'm sure peeing on someone else's property is illegal

pinefarmpooperscooper · 31/05/2010 23:00

Whats a bit of angel wee!
I often let me (nearly) 3 year old go behind a tree in the corner of the park.. rather than walking to the public toilet, he wouldn't tell me, if we had to do that each time! (and like someone else said i would have to take my baby girl in too)
I really don't think its any big deal! Maybe once he is 'school age' i wouldn't... but since we have just done potty training, i can't be fussy about where he goes! Sod taking round a travel potty, what a faff!
Like someone else said - dog wee is much worse!
Feeling a BIT bad reading this, as i was at a nice castle, having a cream tea with 4 friends (none of them have children) and my son wanted to go for a wee (there was a toilet inside) but since he was playing in the garden, i let him go behind the tree! I thought my friends were a little bit shocked, but just put it down to them not having toddlers of their own, who want to pee every five minutes! Ohps, with hindsight i should have taken him to the toilet, after reading these comments! I really didn't think it was any big deal! Maybe thats the farm girl in me!!

thesecondcoming · 31/05/2010 23:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinefarmpooperscooper · 01/06/2010 07:56

i don't think a 2 year old 'pisses' and i didn't even have my cream tea, too busy seeing whether everyone liked butter, with the buttercups! I've never even thought about it before... baby wee isn't like nasty stinky wee!