in thinking that if you have the option of using a toilet...

[Psammead]

you don't let a child pee on a fence?

I am a new mum, and have a friend who also has a baby and an older son (4ish).

We had been at my house and decided to go for a walk. We went out the back way, and happened to see my next-door-neighbour in her garden whilst walking down the path at the back of the houses.

My friend and I both know her and stopped to chat. After a while, my friend's son said that he needed to have a wee, so I grabbed my house keys from my pocket and gave them to my friend. The house was about 40 yards away.

My friend refused, saying that he would just pee up the back fence of my neighbour's garden. I said 'no, it's fine, just go and use the bathroom' but she laughed and said something about not worrying about that kind of thing once your kids get older. My neighbour made a face, but didn't say anything. Not sure if she was making a face because of the boy peeing on her fence, or if she was making a face to make fun of my sensibilities IYSWIM - my friend's tone of voice implied that I was being silly to be concerned about it.

The child wasn't desperate to go, there would have been plenty of time to get back to my house. My bathroom was nice and clean - I had only just done it that morning so it's not like it didn't come up to her standards or something.

Am I being unreasonable to think that children should be taught to use a toilet where possible? Obviously in an emergency it's different. Or am I just a naive new mum who has all this to come? It didn't bother me hugely - it happened a couple of months ago actually, but it pops back into my mind now and again and I can't decide if IABU to feel it was a bit unnecessary!

We've recently acquired an allotment, once I forgot the porta potty and 3yo dd2 had to wee on the grass. Cut to a week later when, on the school run, I caught her peeing in the middle of the school field, surrounded by a crowd of alarmed school children! Apparently it was OK because "it was on the grass Mummy" Honestly, mortified.

Generally though, I agree with what's been said already, emergency wee when out and about - OK. Peeing up a neighbour's fence when a toilet is available - really bad manners.

YANBU at all. Really makes me cross when my DH does this in the backyard . Less so when he has to use a tree on a walk ,as he has a dreadfully weak bladder - but still irritating then too.

Thesecondcoming, i don't think it has anything to do with the other people, they couldn't have seen him? They were not 'confronted'. It wasn't that i 'couldn't be assed to take him', its just no big deal to us, my DH is a farmer and DS sees him do it all the time, he would never think of coming in the house to use toilet?!
The people back on the table next to us were smoking, which i think is much more antisociable, as we could see/ smell/ inhale that. But thats a whole new thread!

Psammead YANBU, every situation is different, and everyones thoughts on what is acceptable, but sounds like letting her 4 year old wee in front of you all on your neighbours fence rather than pop back and use your toilet is very strange!

I don't think its worth making a big deal out of going back and forth to scuzzy public toilets (with babes in tow), 10 times just for a litle trickle of angel wee... get some perspective! We have a life to live and enjoy!

I was a bit the other day when I saw a rather posh looking woman with her DS get out of a landrover in Waitrose car park.

The DS (about 3) said he needed a wee, and she immediately took him to the front wheel and got him to pee on that.

There isn't a loo in Waitrose but there is another nearby she could have taken him to.

I don't know why I mention it was Waitrose . But bleurgh at the idea that the drivers of the next car to park in that space might put their bag of shopping in a puddle of piss. Although according to some posters on here "baby urine" is inoffensive.

Whoever said that - have you ever heard someone described as the sort of parent who "thinks their kids' shit doesn't stink." ? Well, that's you, that is...

YANBU

If I step in a puddle of wee, I don't care whether it's adult wee or 4 year old's wee.

It is still urine and it shouldn't be on the ground for me to step on, except in total emergencies where the child can't hold on (i.e. is 3 and under, or disabled) and there is no loo available.

Can't believe the number of posters on here who think their child's urine is "angel" wee and hence not offensive. Maybe this is true pre-weaning but once they're on normal food their wee is just like anyone else's - it SMELLS, if not immediately then definitely after a few hours.

Oh man, if you could smell my nappy bucket you wouldn't think baby wee was inoffensive!! Blech.

I've let DS pee in his potty in the car park when at the park when the toilets are a long long walk away - then I take the potty over to a tree and dump the pee there. Ofcourse if there's a toilet nearby he uses that, but if there's no toilet nearby then you have to just do whatever you have to so they don't pee themselves!

This is a pet hate of mine and fwiw I hate it when people use the 'you dont know what its like to have kids' excuse. I know and I dont let my son do it. If your kid cant hold it until they walk 40 yards then they are not toilet trained and you need to work on that.

They won't be allowed to piss in the playground at school so why teach them it is ok now? I'll admit if we're on a walk in the woods or something ds will pee in a bush or something but I'd never let him pee outside if a toilet was in walking distance.

YANBU.

WTF is 'angel wee'? Doesn't matter if they're 4 or 14, it's urine, not some twee nonsense about mythical celestial beings' bodily fluids (and, if you do subscribe to the notion of angels, they are spiritual beings and, as such, are unlikely to need to urinate or, indeed, defecate).