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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want people to keep their hands off my baby?

47 replies

turtle23 · 30/05/2010 09:46

Just popped to shop with DS2 (who is 6 months and quite cute)on my shoulder. Noticed lady outside shop smoking, went into shop and got bits and got into queue. Smoky lady got in queue behind me and was talking to DS. She was leaning right into his face to talk and the smell of smoke was overpowering. She then grabbed his hands and started kissing them. Now, I know he's cute and I also talk to random babies...but AIBU to think that
a) If you are a stranger you really shouldn't grab a baby's hand and kiss it
b) If you smoke have the nouse not to breathe right in a baby's face 15 seconds after smoking and touching/kissing his hands?

I used to smoke. I am not anti-smoking. It just isn't a choice for little people and don't think it's fair.
Go on. Flame me.

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 30/05/2010 09:49

Well no it's not particularly pleasant but a nice lady was enjoying your child. Be proud of your stunning offspring, shop somewhere with a better class of people and perhaps invest in a bubble.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/05/2010 09:50

or a mini gas mask?

Sakura · 30/05/2010 09:51

YANBU
Its such an instinctive an inexplicable reaction in a mother. I got it all the time with DD. IT's almost like a body-reaction rather than a mind-reaction isn't it? I think lots of mothers are like protective wolves in their babies' first year.
It does pass as they get older.

InVinoFerretsAss · 30/05/2010 09:53

You probably will get a wee bit flamed but I agree.

To be honest smoking aside I'd rather people didn't slobber all over my little one uninvited. Smiling and talking clearly fine and it's lovely that babies bring out such friendliness in people but kissing and grabbing no.

It's a bit like the 'bump feeling' that used to go on when I was pregnant from complete strangers.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/05/2010 09:56

I think you will find that it's a VERY rare occurrence, if people were grabbing your baby every day then I'd worry but the woman meant no harm and it was a one off I think.

pigletmania · 30/05/2010 09:59

Yes I can totally understand a mother protecting its young its a natural instinct, but you are being a bit U tbh. Take it as a complement that she liked your baby and thought it was cute. I did get it occasionally with dd when she was young it was a nice.

DuelingFanjo · 30/05/2010 10:02

I personally would never touch a stranger's baby without being invited, or kiss them. Just as I wouldn't touch or kiss an adult stranger. I think it's odd.

Original poster

turtle23 · 30/05/2010 10:03

Alright then. I'm not exactly distraught over it, just thought it was a bit odd to grab a baby you don't know. (retreats back to her "bubble")

OP posts:

FluffyDonkey · 30/05/2010 10:11

YANBU
I never kiss a baby (even a friend's) on principal - not my baby to kiss IYSWIM. And why does everyone need to kiss a baby anyway?

Have only started kissing my friend's toddler when he asks for a kiss

I live in France where kissing is a very normal and natural greeting and although I don't have a baby yet, I know that I will not enjoy the fact that it'll be social acceptable even expected to kiss my baby whenever someone sees him/her.

Future DH thinks I'm being silly, but he would. He's French.

Nancy66 · 30/05/2010 10:14

you sound like a right misery guts.

She saw your baby, thought he looked adorabable and wanted to interact with him.

it's made the lady happy and your child has come to no harm.

don't be so precious

SirBoobAlot · 30/05/2010 10:20

Its the fact she had been smoking shortly before that would have bothered me. I don't mind people talking to or touching DS but if they had been smoking just before it would be an entirely different matter.

DuelingFanjo · 30/05/2010 10:20

nancy... if someone came up to you, a stranger, and grabbed your hands and started kissing them wouldn't you be a bit taken aback at the very least?

pigletmania · 30/05/2010 10:26

I personally would not do that to a baby I dont know, but have been known to do that to friends and realtives babies as we do know each other and i cant help myself

mamasparkle · 30/05/2010 10:32

YADNBU-I would have hated that too,it's a natural reaction,why would you be ok with toxic faggy breath and fingers all over your ds?Smoking is smelly,poisonous and anti social so if you choose to do it you must accept a lot of people will not want you touching their child.

Nancy66 · 30/05/2010 10:35

for god's sake the kid is six months old - it's going to be crawling around in mud and eating ants.

JodieO · 30/05/2010 10:36

The smoking would bother me. Who wants a stinking smoker breathing all over their baby? Not me that's for sure.

Original poster

turtle23 · 30/05/2010 10:37

last i checked ants not carcinogenic.

OP posts:

scanty · 30/05/2010 10:40

YANBU. Kissing is a definate no, no and smokers should realise just how much they stink, saying that I'm relaxed with strangers interacting with DC as long as I'm happy with the situation. I was shopping with my toddler at a market stall (he was strapped into his buggy)I saw a woman stop to chat to him only to have him run by me a few seconds later. She had decided to let him out of his buggy while I was talking to the stall holder. I wasn't happy.

sunshiney · 30/05/2010 10:53

Scanty did you say something? Just interested to know what happened next!

If someone got my dd out of her pushchair I think I would go beserk. Cannot imagine any sane person taking a child they don't know out of a pushchair.

scanty · 30/05/2010 11:16

I was angry but by the time I had caught him she had moved on. It was in a different country where the locals don't always have the 'norms' we have so put it down cultural differences or mental health issues. I also had a crowd giggling and taking photos when my 6yr DS got into a bit of a fight with his friend. I did vent on one woman who looked like a 40 something schoolmarm as she delightedly videoed them.

PrincessFiorimonde · 30/05/2010 13:00

I don't think you are at all unreasonable, even if the lady meant no harm.

I have an opposite story. A few months ago I bumped into someone I know (not that well) with her new baby (few weeks old). I'd just had a cigarette, so I congratulated the mother and admired the baby without leaning over her etc. The mother asked me if I wanted a cuddle. I said I'd love to, but perhaps baby wouldn't appreciate it as I was so smoky.

Later discovered the mother thought that 'being smoky' was an excuse for not wanting to pick baby up. Tho', fortunately, she thought I was just scared of handling a tiny baby rather than thinking I was displaying insufficient interest.

toomuchmum · 30/05/2010 13:21

Not unresonable at all, kissing your baby?! Yes the woman was probably being nice and friendly, but I would have been horrified. That would have upset me.

Kaloki · 30/05/2010 13:30

YANBU. I can't see how touching someone else without invitation (baby or not) is acceptable

oldandgreynow · 30/05/2010 16:37

A bit PFB
Babies that age are continually looking round to catch the eye of someone who will smile and make a fuss of them.Your baby is a person in his own right and thrives on social interaction .I'm sure, like any n he loved the lady's attention.

usualsuspect · 30/05/2010 16:43

YABU

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