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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want people to keep their hands off my baby?

47 replies

turtle23 · 30/05/2010 09:46

Just popped to shop with DS2 (who is 6 months and quite cute)on my shoulder. Noticed lady outside shop smoking, went into shop and got bits and got into queue. Smoky lady got in queue behind me and was talking to DS. She was leaning right into his face to talk and the smell of smoke was overpowering. She then grabbed his hands and started kissing them. Now, I know he's cute and I also talk to random babies...but AIBU to think that
a) If you are a stranger you really shouldn't grab a baby's hand and kiss it
b) If you smoke have the nouse not to breathe right in a baby's face 15 seconds after smoking and touching/kissing his hands?

I used to smoke. I am not anti-smoking. It just isn't a choice for little people and don't think it's fair.
Go on. Flame me.

OP posts:

blueshoes · 30/05/2010 16:51

Don't understand equating touching an adult with touching a baby. A baby thrives on touch. It is natural to want to touch a baby. A baby will die without touch (literally).

I cannot understand how it is impolite to touch a baby. I certainly had no lurch in my stomach if anyone did that to dcs. It is a nice thing surely?

mrsbean78 · 30/05/2010 17:19

To be fair, I spend a lot of time travelling on the bus with baby in a sling (to prevent the moral outrage that arises from pushchair use) and when you do, you find you get your baby grabbed at... well.. a lot.

Sometimes I wish people wouldn't shake his hand or leg. Not always, but there can be a crazy element on the bus sometimes. I had someone waffling on about how she would cast a spell for his protection the other day while giving him her hand to suck on.

I cringed. Don't you judge me.

mumbar · 30/05/2010 17:27

At 6 months my ds would have made damn sure he got the attention of the person behind, to the front and to the side of him - actually anyone that would chat kiss him etc

tbh I prob would have asked the lady to hold him while I paid - much easier with 2 hands

and he's my pfb.

mumbar · 30/05/2010 17:27

sorry therefore I do think you are beinga little U sorry

littleducks · 30/05/2010 17:38

turtle

gailforce1 · 30/05/2010 17:56

When I go to see a friend's baby I don't wear perfume in case she can then smell it on the baby! Not that I wear loads of it you understand its just that I remember that when my nephew was a baby his Father smoked and I nearly choked if I cuddled him after his Father had touched him after smoking!

Do Mums hate if people talk to their little ones? I have to admit that if I am in a queue and there is a baby in front of me I will smile and perhaps say "Hello". A baby's smile brightens my day but I would hate to think that I have upset a Mother by doing so.

Funkycherry · 30/05/2010 22:49

YANBU

If a bloke kissed a child without warning we'd all be screaming 'peado'

I speak to random people all the time, in queue's etc.. but would avoid doing so to children without interacting with the parent first because I don't think they should be encouraged to speak to strangers.

Hmmm, starting to think those 'stranger danger' talks we had to sit through at school might have damaged me..... lol

Original poster

turtle23 · 31/05/2010 04:01

FFS. This is not my first baby and I love it when people talk to him and giggle and coo etc. I don't want nasty fag slobber on him and I don't want people touching him that I don't know. It isn't odd, it is normal to not want strangers touching him. Is it the same as if some stranger touched me? No. Cos I can say fuck off.
Thread closed.

OP posts:

MadamDeathstare · 31/05/2010 04:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CharlieBoo · 31/05/2010 08:56

An old lady did this to my dd in the shopping centre, my mum was carrying her and the lady just jumped out of nowhere it seemed to talk to her. Towards the end she grabbed her hand and pretended to nibble it (it's quite uncomfortable to watch when you don't know the person), my mum started to move away, mainly because my dd was recovering from hand foot and mouth and we were like eeeeeeeek!!!!!! Oops.

oldandgreynow · 31/05/2010 11:48

Turtle -you asked people for their opinions but as soon as you get someone who thinks you are being precious and unreasonable you take your bat home! Grow up!

scanty · 31/05/2010 11:56

smiling and chatting is ok, kissing and touching not so.

mamatomany · 31/05/2010 11:59

Get yourself a sling or build up a barricade of toys that stretch over from one side of the hood to the other.

SoLongAsItsHealthy · 31/05/2010 12:20

Er, I was on your side when I read your OP turtle23 but since reading your last post "thread closed" I am less inclinded to support you.

I agree it is disgusting to have dirty, smelly, unsanitary people, strangers or not, touching your precious baby - I have been known to rub anti-bacterial gel over my DS's hands after such events.

Also agree with those who have said it's a bit odd to reach out and grab a stranger's baby - I would coo at a baby but would never touch them. And kissing is just gross - you don't know where other's people babies have been...

However - if you know with such absolute certainty that YANBU I don't know why you posted asking AIBU. Very

kitcat1977 · 31/05/2010 12:52

I know you've closed the thread Turtle, but I agree. I'd hate having a stranger maul my DD, especially someone who'd just stubbed a fag out. In fact it gets right on my tits that members of my family keep taking her off me/daddy/granny and wandering off with her on social occasions. Grrr!

blueshoes · 31/05/2010 13:41

You are one strange fish, turtle. In your OP, you asked people to flame you. Then strop when someone else has a different opinion.

YABU!!

PrincessFiorimonde · 31/05/2010 19:34

Well, as I have said before, I don't think turtle is at all unreasonable.

I also think she is completely reasonable to say "This is not my first baby and I love it when people talk to him and giggle and coo etc. I don't want nasty fag slobber on him and I don't want people touching him that I don't know."

I'm sure that most mothers would agree with that.

We are all programmed to coo over babies, but also programmed to be protective of them. So please don't give OP a hard time. We can all do the billing and cooing, while still remembering that cigarette-breath is not ideal.

nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:39

I often ruffle babies hair. Would hate to think I've annoyed some mums by doing this. Maybe I should stop it?

lovechoc · 31/05/2010 19:49

it's quite a normal thing for people to do this on seeing a baby. doing this to an adult isn't seen as acceptable but a baby is very different. It should be taken as a complement.

The woman did not mean any harm - she was being friendly !! It was unfortunate her breath wasn't the nicest, but she meant well and had good intentions. Live and let live. It's not the end of the world!

faerie07 · 31/05/2010 19:55

At the moment I feel as though I am surrounded by grinning loons when I am out with DS2. He has such a contagious grin that everyone around him grins and coos at him, drives me a bit batty but it is really sweet.

But I don't like it when people try to touch him. Foretunately it doesn't seem to happen where I live now, whereas it certainly did in London with my DS1.

nappyaddict · 31/05/2010 19:58

So faerie would you be annoyed if someone ruffled his hair like I have done in the past

faerie07 · 31/05/2010 20:07

I could get a little annoyed yes, but wouldn't see red. But when they start patting the face or go near the mouth, then I start to seeth. Also depends on the push chair, if he is hanging 'out' so to speak, and out in the open, then not as bad. But if he is in a recline position and someone goes all the way 'into' the push chair, again I get a bit upset.

But TBH some people have the knack of doing it without being intrusive, ie they the lean in slightly, stretch out one arm and just lightly touch. Others lean all the way in, slobber all over your child (blocking the mother's view) and are more heavy handed. Chalk and cheese!!!

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